A Castle in Brooklyn(27)

After the birth, fittingly on the night of the November presidential election, Jacob and Esther felt they were also reborn. The veil of fear for the future that had enveloped the couple, and which neither had spoken of since the day when Jacob had comforted his distraught wife, had finally been lifted after all these years. Esther attributed their good luck to her fervent prayers, but also, probably for the most part, to one of her conversations with Florrie. As someone who had battled infertility herself, Florrie assured her friend that she had become educated on the new medical advances. She had a friend who had participated in an experimental trial for a new drug at the advice of her doctor. She suggested that Esther look into it.

The advice had worked, for within a month, Esther had found herself happily pregnant. And with that discovery, of course, the friendship between the two women was forever sealed. The first few months of Esther’s diet consisted almost solely of crackers and weak tea, so violent was her morning (afternoon and night too) sickness. But her mood was such that she found herself smiling even through this, and when she grabbed Jacob’s hand so that he could feel the first strong kicks against her expanding belly, she felt such an elation that she believed her life was perfect.

Jacob changed too. He began coming home early, sometimes even before Zalman, just so he might gaze upon the changes in his wife and stand in the empty bedroom that would soon be their child’s. His mood shifted as well. Instead of his usual sullen demeanor over the past couple of years, he had begun to take part in the conversations between Esther and Zalman at the breakfast table; in the evenings he focused on his television shows, like Bonanza, with a new intensity, and laughed heartily at the antics of Jackie Gleason in The Honeymooners. At night, when the stars made patterns of light against the ceiling as Jacob took her hand in his, Esther would often glance at him, finding his eyes calm, steady, his mouth posed in a half smile. Unlike before, she was not preoccupied with Jacob’s past. He was sometimes quiet, but no longer lost in thought; no longer were his eyes filled with anxiety. This new Jacob was tranquil; he was happy. That was the best part of all.

Once more, Zalman tried to leave, and on one Sunday in September, he even started packing a few of his belongings into a suitcase. But when Esther happened by the open door to the bedroom, she became so distraught that Jacob would not hear of it. Again, he admonished Zalman to remain in the home. Esther still relied on him for companionship, for his assistance lifting, carrying when Jacob himself was not around. And what if Jacob wasn’t available when the baby was coming, as his hours were more erratic than Zalman’s? Would he dare jeopardize Esther? The child? In truth, Zalman needed little convincing, so that same evening he neatly laid his sweater back inside the drawer, his cuff links on the night table. He decided not to bring up the subject for now. Secretly, he was happy—happy to be a part of a family again, even if it wasn’t his own.

During the final months of the pregnancy, Esther’s mother came as often as she could. But as Esther herself grew rounder, her face full, her cheeks rosy, Sally shrank somehow, losing nearly twenty pounds of her former pleasantly plump self, letting her hair fade to a drab gray. Just before Esther’s pregnancy had become public, Boris had suffered a heart attack one morning at work, and even though it had been a mild one, the doctors advised against overexertion. In the best of times, Sally had been a worrier, but now with a husband ill and a daughter with child, the woman was in a constant state of stress, so much so that Esther began to worry about her mother.

While mother and daughter were close, Esther kept a secret from her, one she would never reveal. Shortly after Esther had begun helping her father with the business, she’d decided what she wanted to do with the rest of her life. She wanted a career, to make important decisions, to meet with different individuals, where she would be in charge. Her plan was to eventually take over the business. Once, she’d casually mentioned the idea to Boris, who’d responded with his customary “We’ll see.” She knew, though, that if she prodded enough, he would eventually make her a partner.

But Sally, now that was another thing. Even though when she was young, Esther’s mother had a temporary job taking care of children, she most enjoyed her role as a housekeeper, wife, and cook. Many times, as Esther looked on while Sally was sweeping the floors or making the beds, she would remind her daughter that one day she, too, would have her own home.

A week after Esther’s engagement, her mother had suggested that soon she would have to give up her work in real estate. She’d need to assume her proper role as a wife and, later, a mother. After that, Esther had spent many sleepless nights. To go along with her mother’s plans meant giving up so much, and yet it seemed impossible to have both a happy home life and a career. How could she go against her mother’s wishes? Worse yet, Sally might feel unappreciated. After a while, though, Sally’s voice had become a constant drone in her head. Her mother was a smart woman, and perhaps she did know what was best, after all.

Esther had decided to give up her dreams of running the family business. She’d encouraged Jacob to take over, let him be the man. And in the end, everyone had believed that she wanted nothing more than to make a home for her new husband. Everyone but herself.

But now, as she listened to Sally’s cries, saw the circles beneath her eyes deepen, Esther wished her mother had something else to occupy her time besides a sick husband. And she hoped that the same fate would not await her.