A Bad Day for Sunshine (Sunshine Vicram #1)(80)

“Where’s her inhaler?” she asked her father.

Cyrus jumped up and found a spare in a kitchen drawer. He came back and handed it to his granddaughter, the love in his eyes heart-wrenching.

“Sweetheart,” Sun said after Auri breathed in the Albuterol. She looked like a child. Like she had when she was in elementary school, her chest hitching every few seconds. Her eyes and mouth swollen.

She dropped her gaze, and with her chin trembling, whispered, “Since I was seven.”

Elaine gasped softly, but Sun just sat there, stunned speechless.

Auri wiped at the deluge on her cheeks again while Sun gathered herself.

She finally asked, “How is that even possible?”

Auri took hold of the cross she wore around her neck. She did that when she was nervous.

“Auri, you’re not in trouble. You understand that, right? You could never be in trouble for this. For any of this. It all happened long before you were born.”

“I know. I just don’t want to get anyone else in trouble.”

Sun slid to her knees in front of her and took Auri’s hands into her own. “Who could you possibly get in trouble?” When Auri still didn’t answer, she brushed Auri’s hair back and forced her to look her in the eye. “Auri, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?”

“I know. It’s just . . . I overheard Grandma and Grandpa talking when I was staying here one summer. I’ve known ever since.”

Sun couldn’t help it. She turned and gaped at them.

Cyrus’s head dropped into a hand, and Elaine’s mouth hung open, as round as her eyes.

But then the truth hit Sun like a nuclear blast. “Seven,” she whispered, gaping at her daughter. “You’ve known since you were seven. That was the summer—”

Elaine’s hands shot up to cover her mouth as Cyrus sat seemingly paralyzed.

“That was the summer you . . . you contemplated taking your own life.” Sun ended the sentence with a sob of her own, her chest seizing as she tried to talk.

Auri covered her face with her hands as though humiliated. “I’m so stupid.”

“No,” Sun said, grabbing her and wrapping her arms around her. “Don’t you dare say that. Not ever.” She was crying freely now, as was Auri and her parents.

Even Quincy had to clear his throat and wipe his eyes.

She put her at arm’s length. “Auri, is this why? Because . . .” She struggled for the right words. “Because we don’t know who your father is? Is that why you considered . . . ?” She couldn’t even say the words again.

With all the therapy and all the intervention, none of this had come out. How had this poor child kept it locked inside her? Why would she even do such a thing? Was she so horrified? So disgusted?

“What?” Auri said as though offended. “Why would you say that?”

Sun shook her head, just trying to understand. “Then why, baby? Why would a seven-year-old even consider such a thing?”

Auri’s chin trembled, and she said so softly, Sun almost didn’t hear her, “Because I ruined your life.”

Sun struggled to see past the tears. “You what?”

“I ruined your life,” Auri said, louder that time. “Not only did that horrible thing happen to you, but then I came along and”—she gasped for air—“you had to deal with me, a constant reminder of what happened to you.” Her sobs shook her shoulders as she continued, “I try to be good. I try not to be a burden to you so you won’t regret keeping me.”

Quincy stood and walked into the kitchen, scraping a hand down his face, while Sun sat in stunned silence, her chest so tight around her heart she could hardly believe it was still beating.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and took Auri into her arms again. Her parents joined them.

“You are everything,” she said into her ear. “You are my world.”

“Mom,” Auri said, trying to pull back. “You don’t have to say that.”

Sun jerked away from her. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t. It’s okay. I know I’m not like a kid you would’ve had with a husband. With someone you loved. It’s okay.”

Sun covered her mouth with her hands. A sharp pain bored into her chest. “Auri, how can you say that? How can you think that?”

“Mom, you were raped. You can’t love me like normal parents do. And that’s okay. I understand.”

After a long moment, Sun lifted herself back onto the sofa and looked into her daughter’s eyes.

“Quincy, will you please explain something to my daughter?”

He walked back in, barely able to contain his composure. “Anything.”

“Will you tell her what happened when I read the note?”

Auri blinked. “What note?”

She lifted her chin. “The note you wrote but left in your night-stand.”

“You found that?” she asked, horrified. “I didn’t think you found it.”

“Oh, my god, Auri, that was the worst two hours of my life.”

“Your mom went crazy,” Quincy said. “She had every law enforcement officer in the state looking for you. I’ve never seen her like that. I think if you had done it, if you had gone through with it, your mom would have been next.”