214 Palmer Street(54)
“What are you doing out here?” Gavin had asked.
“Just getting some fresh air,” I’d said, closing the book and following them down.
Jeremy never told me what happened during that time, but I could guess. He’d fallen hard for Clarice. “I love her,” he’d told me. “And she feels the same way about me.” He was such a boy then, but because I was younger he seemed like an adult. Still, I knew he was wrong about Clarice.
I tried to tell him she was playing all three of them, one against the other, but he refused to listen. “She’s nice to everyone,” he’d said. “Because she doesn’t want the other guys to feel left out.”
After Jeremy was gone, my dad died, and Mom had a stroke. There were four of us to begin with, and then it came down to one fully functioning family member, and it was me. I couldn’t leave my mother. She needed me and, in a way, I needed her too. We were a family of two, bonded by blood and shared experience. No one else knew the void left by a missing loved one the way we did. People thought that after so many years we’d be accepting of our loss, but they were wrong. My anger at the injustice of it all gnawed at me and grew over time. I thought of my brother and missed him every single day. He’d been ripped away from us, but we still held him in our hearts.
I never once believed he’d run away. I knew something had happened to him, something terrible, and it had to do with his friends. I didn’t trust any of them, but I could read the guilt on Kirk’s face as easily as if it was a billboard.
When I heard that they’d sealed up the bomb shelter, I was sure they did it to cover up something they’d done, but no one would listen to me. Gavin’s dad, the original Chief Kramer, told me he’d inspected it himself. “It was empty, Stephanie,” he’d said. “Trust me, Jeremy was not hiding down there. Nothing was inside but a cot and some empty shelves.” He put a fatherly hand on my shoulder and I flinched because having a man touch me never ended well. “I know how it is when someone takes off and you don’t know where they are. Imaginations go wild. For what it’s worth, I’ve seen good outcomes in cases like this. Usually, once the individual cools off, they come back. You’ll hear from Jeremy soon. Just give it time.”
Time. I’d given it time and what had it gotten me? More sorrow than one person should have to carry, the agony doubled because I shared it with my mother, who’d been burdened with her own version of the pain. Now I saw her sleeping peacefully and the sight made me smile. I took the crocheted throw off the back of the couch and covered her, tucking the sides in around her.
She stirred, her eyes fluttering. “Oh, Stephanie,” she said. “I was just having the loveliest dream. Jeremy was in it and he was telling me he’d be home soon.”
“That is a lovely dream,” I said, with a twinge of jealousy. I had never dreamt of my brother despite having desperately yearned for that kind of visitation. I was glad my mother had gotten the comfort of seeing my brother again, even if I hadn’t.
My schedule for my janitorial job changed from week to week, allowing me the freedom to come and go as I wished, but my mother still wanted an accounting of my whereabouts. Earlier I’d told her I was helping a friend from work who’d just had surgery and now I came up with another excuse.
“Mom, I’m going to go out for a bit, meet a friend for a drink. Will you be okay while I’m gone?”
“Of course,” she murmured.
“I know I just got home, so I hate leaving you again. It’s just, something came up.”
“No worries, my darling. I’m glad you’re going out. You should be doing more with friends.”
“You want help going up to bed?”
“No. I just want to rest here for a while. I’ll go up in a bit.”
“I won’t be too late.” I kissed her forehead. “Home by midnight for sure. Call me if you need me.” I stroked her hair as if she were the child and I were the adult.
“I’ll be fine, Stephanie,” she said, closing her eyes. “You don’t need to worry about me.”
THIRTY-ONE
Someone was in the yard. Sarah was sure of it. After digging for hours, she’d come in soaked with sweat and covered in dirt. Her first course of action had been to turn on the outdoor faucet to wash off her boots. After that she’d headed inside to take a shower in the darkened bathroom upstairs. While toweling off afterward, she’d glanced out the window and saw movement in the backyard. Alarmed, she stepped closer to the glass and squinted, trying to make out what she’d seen in the darkness.
No. She’d been mistaken. Nothing was out there. She was on edge, imagining things. Staying in the Caldwells’ house had rattled her and knowing how close she was to opening the bomb shelter had shredded her nerves. For the first time since she’d left home, she missed Kirk, his steadiness and the calm way he reassured her during her darkest moments. She could almost feel his arms lovingly wrapped around her. Doubts swirled around her. Would it have been so hard to ignore the thought that Kirk had been responsible for his best friend’s disappearance? To put her doubt behind her and go on with her life? Her mind had been so muddled lately. Had she gotten it all wrong?
She dried off her hair and pulled on her clothes ready to go to sleep for the night, but something nagged at her. Why would anyone be out there at all, much less at this time of night? Kids, maybe, wandering in from the state park?