You Will Know Me(75)

“The night it happened, I thought he was going to propose. I thought that’s why he’d picked the nice restaurant. But he’d picked it so I wouldn’t make a scene when he broke up with me.”

“Wait. Wait.”

“I spent the rest of the night sobbing my heart out, then I find out he’s dead. And I want to die from how bad it hurts.” She shook her head, the scattering of droplets, her eyes chlorine red. “Then, the day of the funeral, I get this call. From Ahee Jewelers. They saw my name in the death notice and called me up. Ryan had ordered something but hadn’t picked it up. So I got there and you can guess what I’m expecting.”

Katie took a breath. “A ring.”

“Sure. And what do I find instead?” She reached into the nearly sealed wet pocket of her jeans. Yanking something out, she then slapped it in her other palm. “I can’t seem to stop carrying it around.”

It was a necklace, gold plate. It was cheap, a girl’s mall necklace. A pendant dangling at the end, a tiger figurine.

A tiger like the poster in Devon’s room. A tiger like her lucky stuffed animal, plush and matted.

A tiger for Devon. Its haunches spreading, its legs poised, as if about to vault.

Small as a peanut, Ryan had said to Katie that time, about Devon, but strong as a tiger.

“Eye of the goddamned tiger, just like her stupid routine,” Hailey said, staring at the necklace. “I slammed my fist on Ahee’s glass counter and cracked it. They said I had to leave.”

“You’re lying,” Katie said, shaking her head. “You knew about them before he died. You’d been sending her texts. You sent her texts the night he died.”

She looked at Katie, head tilted, still holding the necklace, the tiger spinning in the air between them.

“No. I found out when I went to the jeweler. The day of the funeral.”

“That’s not true,” Katie said, thoughts churning. Remembering Ryan’s funeral reception, Hailey thumping on the glass, demanding things.

“I never sent her any texts, Mrs. Knox. I had no idea about Devon. That’s how dumb I was. I should’ve known. Everything’s always about Devon, for all of us. Right? My uncle, my boyfriend, those booster parasites. It’s all about Devon and that fierce little body of hers, and that freak foot. Everything depends on it.”

“You’re a pathetic girl,” Katie blurted. “You’re a pathetic little girl.”

“Isn’t it something,” Hailey said, her gaze returning to the tiger necklace, her breathing harder now, “the things we do for our family?”

Reaching out, Katie grabbed for the necklace so forcefully Hailey flinched.

“Jesus,” Hailey said, holding her wrist. “Jesus.”

But Katie had the necklace, and held it. Just like the leotard, she would not let it go.

“Keep it,” Hailey said. “I don’t want it. It disgusts me. Maybe it’s made me lose my mind this last week. Maybe now it’ll stop.”

“I think you should go back inside,” Katie said. “Now.”

Hailey nodded, slowly, opening the car door. A look of revelation appeared on her face. A knowing look that made Katie crazy.

“I was so mad when I was younger,” she said. “And then you grow up and you think you’re not that girl anymore. The girl you were at fifteen, sixteen. Angry and nasty. Hungry for love—”

“—I guess some girls are like that,” Katie said, coolly.

“But the thing is, you’re always that girl,” Hailey said, stepping out of the car. “She never goes away. She’s inside you all the time. That girl is forever.”

Hailey touched the violet half-circle under her eye, the bite mark. It was like Devon’s mouth was there, screaming.

“Get out of here,” Katie said, turning the key in the ignition. “Get out of my car.”

On her lap, she saw it: Missed call. Eric.

A prickling feeling around her temples, spreading hotly through her skull.

“Mrs. Knox, one last thing,” Hailey was saying from the curb, hand still on the open door. “You know what I kept thinking when I saw you at the funeral?”

“I don’t care, Hailey.”

“I was thinking, I had it all wrong. That night after regionals in January. The tiki party. Remember?”

“Yes,” Katie said, hand on the gear shift, a queasy feeling. Of course she remembered, all the women hoping to dance with Ryan, the air in the catering hall muzzy with mom perfume, rum, promise.

“I had it all wrong,” Hailey said, fingers wrapped around the window edge. “I thought it was you I had to worry about. The way you danced with Ryan, your skirt inching up so he could see your tattoo. Sharing cigarettes in the back hallway, whispering in his ear.”

“What? What?” Her face burning, her chest so hot, the heat in the car suddenly everywhere. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“But it turned out it was Devon, your little devil daughter. It wasn’t you he chose. It was Devon.”

Katie looked at her, breathing, breathing.

“It was never you,” said Hailey.

And Katie lifted her foot from the brake.

Hailey jolting backward, stumbling on the pavement, Katie said, the words from some deep well, and unstoppable: