You Know Me Well(10)

Where are you?

This is not good.

I could lie. I want to lie. But she wouldn’t be asking if she didn’t already know the answer. A lie will only make it worse.

I’m in the city.

It only takes her five seconds to reply. She’s better at her phone than I am.

Why are you in the city? Is Ryan with you?

This time I borrow a new truth to take the place of the original truth.

My friend Katie needed me. I’ll explain tomorrow.

Then I lie outright.

And yes, Ryan’s with me.

This does not appease my mother. She types:

If you are not on the next train home, your father is coming to get you.

I quickly text Ryan.

The moms have discovered our subterfuge. In other words, we’re fucked. Need to get back ASAP. Meet me?

I expect him to respond immediately. But he doesn’t. He must still be dancing.

I turn back to Katie and am about to tell her I need to go. But before I can get a word out, an angry Viking of a girl comes storming up to us and sucks all the air out of a ten-block radius, just to fill her lungs enough to belt out an enormous “ARE YOU OKAY?” in Katie’s general direction.

Katie moves to answer, but before she can, the Viking continues. “Were you abducted? Lured away by a stranger with candy? Or maybe you saw a cat in a tree and felt you had to save it? Was there an old queen trying to cross the street, and you had to help? No, wait—I know. You heard about a top-secret Sleater-Kinney concert in an abandoned BART station, but you weren’t allowed to tell anyone about it—not even your very best friend. That has to be it. Because if you are not bodily harmed, and if you were not at some secret show, or if you were not saving someone’s life, why would you leave here without saying a word and then not respond when I call you and text you a thousand times?”

“Lehna,” Katie attempts, “I just—”

Lehna holds up her hand, cuts off the excuse. “She was here, Katie. She was so excited to meet you. She brought you a flower, for Christ’s sake. And there we were, going from room to room, looking for you. We even checked the closets because isn’t that funny, ha ha ha, maybe she’s in the closet. She watched as I called and texted you. I said you had to be here somewhere. I said you wouldn’t just leave, because you were so excited to meet her. She believed me at first. But after a while, even I started to become unconvinced. Because you know what? You might as well have just slammed a door in her face. If you wanted to blow your chances this badly, why not just slam a door in her face?”

In the smallest, saddest voice I can imagine, Katie says, “She brought me a flower?”

I expect one of her other friends to pat her back, to tell her it’s going to be fine. When none of them does that, I find myself doing it instead.

She’s taking these deep breaths, like sobbing but without the tears. Like suddenly it’s all too much.

“She can’t have gotten far,” I say. Then I look at Lehna. “Where did she go?”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Mark. Why the fuck are you so angry?”

“I am angry because after months of planning, after concocting a brilliant cover story and spending more energy on this relationship than I have ever spent on any of my own relationships, my best friend decided to bail. Even though she swore she wouldn’t. Even though she made it look like she was going to go through with it for once in her life. My awesome cousin was willing to put up with Shelbie’s hideous house music and even more hideous beer in order to meet this girl I had told her so, so many good things about. I am angry because this didn’t have to happen, but then it happened anyway. I feel like a complete fool for thinking it could have been otherwise. And I feel like an even worse fool for getting Violet so excited and then having to tell her, Sorry, it isn’t going to work, after all. I’d ask if this makes sense to you, fratboy, but I couldn’t give a shit whether or not it makes sense to you.”

“Stop,” Katie says. “Just stop. It was my mistake. Not his.”

“So you at least admit it was a mistake?”

“Why does that matter, Lehna? Really, why?”

Katie doesn’t sound angry. Just tired. My hand remains on her back. She is leaning into it a little.

My phone vibrates again, still in my other hand.

“Sorry,” I say, looking at the screen.

My mother.

Tell me you are on your way to the station.

Katie gives me a curious glance.

“My alibi’s been shredded and my mom wants me on the next train home,” I explain.

“I’ll drive you,” she says.

“You’ll drive him?” Lehna huffs.

Got a ride back, I text. Then I check my messages. Still nothing from Ryan.

Katie steps away from my hand. Steps toward June and Uma.

“I’m sorry I left without telling you,” she says. “I wasn’t ready. I wanted it so much, and I wasn’t ready for that.”

June looks like she’s going to say something, but Uma squeezes her hand and gestures her head in Lehna’s direction.

“You’re never going to be ready,” Lehna says, her voice warming somewhat. “Don’t you see that? You have to forget about ready. If you don’t, you’re always going to run away.”