You Had Me At Christmas: A Holiday Anthology(88)

“Good.” Pam put her hands on her hips and gave a curt but not unfriendly nod. Like Babe, Pam seemed to be a woman who didn’t let warmth and love get in the way of practicality. “I’ve got a lease printed out over on the dining table. Can’t be too careful with these things, even if you are a friend of Babe’s.”

“That seems smart,” Selina said.

As Selina followed Pam out of the bedroom, Marc put his hand on the small of her back. The simple gesture of support meant more to her than she could ever express in words. He stood by her as she read over and signed the lease.

“I’ve got dinner on the stove. Selina, you’re welcome to have some. Marc, do you want to stay for dinner?”

Selina tried not to hope for another hour with Marc, but that was as impossible as not needing to breathe.

“No, thank you. I called Snowdance and arranged a room for tonight. I’d like to drive up the mountain before it gets too dark.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Selina said quickly. She didn’t want him to leave without having a chance for them to talk privately. They didn’t need an audience for the end of this relationship.

Out in the cold, standing by Marc’s SUV, Selina shivered.

“Feel okay about this situation?” he asked.

“Yes. It will be good.” She wasn’t simply saying that; she actually believed it. Pam was kind. She’d seen the bus lines down the street. There were almost always waitressing jobs available, and then there was a matter of college, of course, but that could wait a couple of months. She might get a job at a gallery, and if not, she could volunteer at one of the art museums. Babe was already working on selling her car, too, so the money from that would give Selina a little safety net.

“More than good,” she said, her voice stronger in the crisp night air. “I’m in a much better place right now, and I have you to thank for it. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

Being here, she realized that it hadn’t even been the money that had been keeping her in her hometown. She had needed a push. And a pull. Gary had provided one; Marc had provided the other.

Only, it wasn’t just gratitude that was welling up in her chest. Marc was the man she had needed at the time, but in another life, in another situation, she would have liked to develop their relationship more. The affection warming her down to the tips of her toes could turn into love if she let it.

He put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing up and down her arms and along her biceps, generating even more warmth in her body. It wasn’t just the touch. It was his touch.

“I understand that you don’t want to come with me for the whole winter. You have a life you need to start here. That makes sense. But could I call you when I’m done with my travels? Maybe swing by to see you?” His expression turned serious in the dim light coming off the porch. “I like you, Selina. I like you a lot.”

Her chest swelled at that news, puffing out with pleasure until she was afraid she would pop the zipper on her coat. Thinking he liked her had been one thing; hearing him say it filled a different need entirely.

“I didn’t just want you along with me for company and the chance that we would have sex again, just so you know . . .” he continued. “I wanted you along because I think we could have been something. That maybe there was a future here.”

His phrasing saddened her, his use of the past tense.

“I like you, too, Marc. But you don’t have a future. You’re not even sure you want one. You want your past, and I don’t exist in your past.”

Her words must have stunned him, because he blinked several times, his mouth open and his teeth glinting in the sun. “God, Selina,” he said finally. “When you put it like that . . .”

She put her right hand over his as it rested on her left arm, enjoying the length of his bare fingers and the way he gripped her bicep. She wanted so much for him to say that he would stay, set up some sort of Internet company in Salt Lake City, and take her out to dinner, on a real date. But it had to be what he wanted, not what he felt like he had to do.

“I want to settle down,” she said. “All I’ve ever wanted is a good job that I could be proud of, one that paid me enough to buy a house, and have a family. Travel, but for vacation, not because I need to wander. I’m a person who stays put, grows roots. Only Athol wasn’t a place I wanted to stay.”

She stepped closer, until they were touching, and he wrapped his arms around her. She pressed her head against his chest. “I’m not going to wait for you, but if you ever decided that’s what you want, too, give me a call. It doesn’t even have to be in Salt Lake City. Just give me a call.”

He kissed her hair, then she straightened up to face to him and he brushed his lips agaist her. She could almost stay like this, safe in his arms forever, the breath from his nose hot on her cool face.

But this was a good-bye kiss. There would be no nibbling on her bottom lip or exploring his mouth with her tongue. Whatever happened here—kiss included—wouldn’t end in anything other than them parting ways.

So she pulled away before she gave in to the temptation to get her bags from inside and follow him to the ends of the Earth.

“That’s good-bye, then,” he said, looking down at her, dampness in his eyes.

“And thank you.” She stepped out of his grip, wrapping her own arms around her for comfort and warmth. He reached out for her again, but she stepped back again. One of them had to do it. She could be the strong one if necessary.