You Had Me At Christmas: A Holiday Anthology(36)

Kate played on, acknowledging that the satisfaction she got when she got a hit was way better than wallowing in self-pity on Christmas night.

Then his picture came up. She had no idea why it struck her, but it seemed to go right through to her very core. Nothing like the pictures of men with their cars, or their dogs, or their kids. Or her least favorite: standing in the bathroom with the toilet seat in the background, trying to take a picture in front of what must be the only mirror in the house.

No, this wasn’t a selfie. This was a picture someone had taken of this man, who was looking at something in the distance. Something that made him profoundly sad. Or maybe it wasn’t what he was looking at that made him sad, maybe it was just how he’d been feeling at the time.

Sad. Or lonely.

Kate couldn’t help herself. She imagined a million stories that made up the lines in this man’s face. Around his eyes, his mouth. His actual age wasn’t listed. It didn’t matter. He could have been older than her, or younger than her, but either way she realized he’d lived more in the years he’d been on this planet. That’s what his face said. She had this crazy idea maybe he could show her how to do that.

How to really live.

Kate hit the green button and held her breath.

She smiled when she saw they matched. This time when she got the prompt to message him or keep playing, she hit the message button. A box popped up, waiting for her to type something, but again she had no idea what to say.

This wasn’t her first attempt at the online dating thing. A few years back she’d done it on one major match site, with a dismal outcome. Three bad first dates and a lot of emails that went nowhere until eventually she gave up. She knew how awkward these attempts at introduction could be.

She could go with hello. How are you. My name is. I liked your picture. Or any other boring combination that anyone on the dating site had sent her. Instead, she typed what she really wanted to know.

What are you looking at?

Kate hit send and then put the phone down. She poured herself another glass of wine and looked at the clock. Eight forty-two. Well, at least she had killed some time.

It was silly to even check her phone. Logically, she knew that. It was Christmas and other than Mr. Yum Me Likee, it was doubtful anyone else was on a dating app. No, most people would be with their families. Their loved ones.

He was probably with the person who took that picture.

Kate reached for the phone and checked anyway. She gasped when she saw there was a return message from him.

It read, The ocean. When life gets difficult I look at the ocean and then I can breathe.

Kate replied.

I’m sorry life has been difficult.

A few minutes later there was another return message.

I think that’s sort of the point.

She smiled. Maybe he was right. Maybe life and difficult were supposed to go together.

She looked back at the phone. Another message.

I hope this isn’t rude, but your smile is beautiful. It made me smile when I saw it.

Kate winced and typed back.

I have rabbit cheeks.

A beat later he returned.

That’s why I must have smiled. Who knew I had a thing for rabbit cheeks? Are you having a merry Christmas?

It was probably because she was on her third glass of wine that she answered truthfully.

No. I hate this holiday anymore.

As soon as she hit send, she grimaced. She shouldn’t have said anything. He was going to think she was morbid and pathetic. Not that it should matter what he thought about her. She didn’t know him. He was just a stranger she had reached out to. She should probably go to bed, pull the covers over her head and wait until the morning came.

Instead she checked her phone.

Lonely?

Yes. So lonely.

Me too. My name is John.

My name is Kate.

Wow. Suddenly I’m not lonely anymore. Hi Kate.

Kate smiled down at the phone, charmed, as foolish as that might seem.

Hi John.

She wasn’t sure what to say after that. This really was pretty pathetic. Two lonely people on Christmas grasping for something. Anything.

Tell me why you’re lonely, he wrote.

I lost my mother a couple of months ago. Cancer. She was the only family I had. Dad left when I was a kid so it was always the two of us against the world. I thought I was prepared for life without her. I wasn’t.

She shouldn’t have said that either. It was too much honesty too fast. Surely a man on a dating app didn’t want to talk about her dead mother and the fact she’d been abandoned by her father.

I know grief. I’m sorry about your mother.

He knew grief. The look on his face in the picture said as much. Strange, but she felt more connected to this man than she had to anyone in a long time. Kate could feel tears welling in her eyes, but she blinked them away.

She was tired of crying.

Thank you. But I don’t want to talk about sad things. The point of playing this game is to have fun, right?

I’m not sure what the point of it is. A buddy signed me up. I suppose I was just trying to distract myself, then I saw your picture and I’m not kidding you made me smile.

My assistant signed me up. Said this was how people meet in 2016.

Assistant?

Kate didn’t want to talk about work either. Not that she wasn’t proud of her company. Of the hundred and twenty-two people she employed. But work had a tendency of taking over everything. Mostly because she let it. Besides, some men were intimidated by her success.