Wrong for You (Before You #3)(32)
“Hm.” She leaned one hip against the countertop, brushing her tangled blonde hair from her face. “I know this is technically my apartment, but you can ask me to leave.”
He lifted the carafe and poured coffee into both of the mugs. Part of him liked the idea of hanging out with Violet today. The other part of him loved the idea, and that was exactly why he should ask her to leave. Violet didn’t belong in his world. She was soft, caring, and everything that any man with half a brain would want, and that was exactly why he needed to show her the door. His life would corrode her beauty from the inside out. There was too much going on in his life right then and he probably couldn’t handle adding Violet into the mix. His mom had cancer, she finally went to rehab after decades of needing it, his real dad was threatening to enter his life, and in the middle of all that was Violet, twisting herself into every beat of his heart with every additional moment he spent with her.
“I know. I’m sorry for not being more upfront, but I need my space.” Her face fell and she looked at the floor. Acid burned his stomach. “It’s not you,” he finally said, lifting one of the mugs and offering it to her. “I just don’t do relationships or the morning after shit. I’m a f*cking mess and I can’t be half the person you deserve. Don’t take this personally.”
She laughed, not a small chuckle, but a big stomach moving, shoulder-shaking laugh. “Oh. Okay. We’re going to do the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine.” She waved away the coffee. “Save your breath. I’ve heard all the lines before. Have a nice life, Alec. I’ll see you around.” She shrugged, her back to him as she headed for the front door. “Or maybe not.”
When she flung the door open, a quick stabbing pain seized his heart. “Violet. Wait,” he yelled after her, not even sure why he stopped her. There wasn’t anything to say. He didn’t want to corrupt her with the lies, guilt, and betrayal that were the fabric of his life.
She spun around, her hand still glued to the doorknob as though it connected her to a life away from him. He took in her flawless skin, her glowing and slightly glossy blue eyes. Fuck, she was going to cry. There were a thousand things he wanted to tell her, like how beautiful and thoughtful she was and that her compassion amazed him, but he had a feeling she wouldn’t believe any of them. Pushing her away had everything to do with him and nothing to do with her. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve anyone. He had stolen Taylor’s childhood with one question, he had stolen his mom’s life by being born, and he had stolen the life of the man he called dad. Hell, he had probably ruined Brad’s life somehow, too. He was sure Brad would enlighten him if he gave him the chance.
He was a big f*cking curse and he refused to taint Violet more than he already had. Taking in Violet’s wide eyes, angelic innocence, and the goodness pouring out of her with every breath, he needed to get away from her. Yes, he wanted Violet more than anything he had wanted in a long time, but letting her go was the best thing he could do for her. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding his hand out to her. “I really am, but if you knew me, I mean really knew me, you’d run out that door as fast as humanly possible.”
“Then tell what you’re so afraid of me knowing about you and I’ll decide for myself whether I think you’re worth my time. Don’t you think you owe me that?”
No way, he couldn’t tell her everything. The look on her face would slay him. Some things were better left unsaid. “I can’t. Maybe that makes me a coward, but I can’t stand the thought of you hating me.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry for what happened last night. I shouldn’t have pushed you into being with me. I should have left you alone and untainted.”
A faint smile teased the corners of her lips. The same ones he couldn’t kiss enough last night. She pushed her velvety soft hair behind her shoulders and his fingers tingled with longing to feel the pale strands melt through his fingertips and tangle in the rings on his fingers. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t promise me anything.”
No, he didn’t, but he had saved her from himself and that was the best present she’d ever get. Too bad she’d never know about it. He had two things left on his agenda before he left Montana forever. The first included making contact with Brad and the second was shoring up a steady stream of donations for the Foundation, or at least financial independence from the family that owned the building. He owed it to the organization that had pulled him off his path of destruction and put him on another path. The path that led him to Chasing Ruin, the only thing that he’d ever have, the only thing good to touch his life.
Being with Violet was a pipe dream and he didn’t indulge in dreams anymore. Too many had been torn from him. Besides, if she could look into his soul and see the darkness swirling around him, she’d run away from him. He shouldn’t waste his time thinking someone could love him. If his mom and dad didn’t want anything to do with him, Violet wouldn’t, either.
She looked down, tapping her foot on the floor as though she had something else to say, but she took one more look at him, her eyes tormented, shook her head and stalked out the door, taking his heart and his last glimmer of hope with her.
Chapter Fourteen
Violet didn’t bother going back into her house after Alec dismissed her from his bed and his life. She needed to be miles away from Alec and fast. Spending the afternoon riding her horse at her parents’ ranch with the wind whipping through her hair and stinging her cheeks sounded perfect, but her parents would insist she stayed for dinner, and dinner entailed listening to another one of her mother’s lectures. Nope, not happening. She had enough doubts and regrets biting at her heels without having her mother shovel another pile on her today. With her brother still out of town, that left her with one option: Annette.