Written in Ink (Montgomery Ink #4)(60)

“You left when you were still a teenager, Autumn. Most don’t know what they plan on doing at that point anyway.” Maya frowned. “I’m calling you Autumn, but should I be calling you Hannah now? I mean, Sanders is gone for good, and you can go back to who you were. Right?”

Autumn shook her head. This was one thing she knew for sure—she could never go back to who she was.

“I’m Autumn now. Hannah doesn’t exist anymore. I’m going to get it legally changed, rather than how I did it before.”

Maya let out a breath then clicked her tongue ring against her lip. “Good, because with that hair and your overall attitude, you’re more of an Autumn to me.”

She smiled. “I feel like an Autumn. As for what I’m going to do? I thought about going home.” She frowned. “No, not home, that’s not what it is. I guess I should call it back to where my parents live. I haven’t talked to them in ten years, but I’ve done my best to keep up-to-date on them even in little parts. So I know they still live there. I know my brother is married and has a child.”

And she’d missed all of that.

But they hadn’t believed her.

They hadn’t protected her.

“Damn. That sucks.” Maya blew out a breath. “That really sucks. I hate that they weren’t there for you. I know my family has its own drama, God do we have our drama, but we’ve never pulled away like they did with you. Even with Alex, we’re still there for him. He might not let us get too close, but we’re like piranha, we’ll surround him if needed.”

“Now that’s an image,” Autumn said with a smile.

Maya grinned. “Isn’t it? And as for you, you don’t have to go back to the place you grew up. But are there any other places that call to you?”

Autumn studied her friend. There was something about her voice that told Autumn that Maya wasn’t too keen on her moving away. There wasn’t much she could do about that, though. Not when she didn’t know her next step.

She may as well tell Maya everything. Well, not everything. Maya had done well with not asking about Griffin. In fact, the man’s name hadn’t been mentioned once since she’d been staying at Maya’s. Oddly enough, neither had Jake’s…

They really were a pair.

“I packed my bags this morning,” Autumn finally said.

“I know. I heard you. What I want to know is why you feel you need to leave? Are you going back to your place? Because, I’ve got to tell you, that f*cking street sucks. First, Meghan lives there after the divorce, and she and Luc almost die, then you have to deal with that shit there. No thanks.”

“To be fair, our pasts came back to bite us in the ass both of those times. It wasn’t actually the neighborhood.”

“Technicality. But why are you leaving, Autumn? Why can’t you stay? You know you’d always have a job with Montgomery Ink. I mean, hell, we need you at this point more than you need us.”

Again, they didn’t mention that she’d worked for Griffin mostly for the past few weeks. But Griffin didn’t need her anymore. She’d gotten him in shape, and then he had told her the lines were blurred.

“I’ve been running for ten years.”

“And you don’t have to run anymore.”

“But I haven’t stayed in one place for so long. I’ve gotten used to seeing new places, seeing new people. I’m not a settler. Right?”

“Are you asking me? Because from where I’m sitting, it sounds like you’re running again.”

“Maya.”

“Autumn.”

The doorbell rang, and Maya stood up, her eyes on Autumn. “We’re not done here. I know you’re an adult and can do what you want, but we’re going to talk about your leaving before you go. You’re one of ours now, even if you don’t think so.”

With that, the other woman went to the front door, and Autumn put her head in her hands. She was so damn confused. She’d been trying to be someone else, hide who she was for so long, she’d forgotten who she could be. And yet, did it matter?

The idea of being with Griffin scared her more than she could admit. Could she rely on another, could she be with him? She wasn’t sure, and because of that, she had to push him away. It wasn’t fair to him or his family to try and be with him when she wasn’t sure who she was without him let alone who she was with him.

“Autumn.”

She lifted her head and froze.

“Griffin.”

He stood in front of her chair, his beard out of control and his hair looking as if he’d run his hands through it so much that it stood on end. He wore old jeans and a pair of boots plus a Henley that molded to his muscles. Damn man shouldn’t look so good when she looked as if she hadn’t slept in days.

Which was true. Tossing and turning while thinking about men in shadows and what to do about a certain Montgomery didn’t allow for much sleeping.

Maya was nowhere to be found. Traitor.

“I know I should have called before coming over here, but every time I picked up the phone, I was worried you’d hang up on me.”

She frowned. “What do you mean?”

He sat down on the coffee table in front of her. “Fall, baby, I pushed you away that day. I was a f*cking idiot and hurt you because I was too damned scared to do anything about what I was feeling. If I had told you that I was falling for you, that at the same time the idea of you in my home and in my bed scared me as much as it made sense, you might have run away anyway. And because I was an * who pushed you out, you ran home to a place you got hurt. If I hadn’t done what I did, you wouldn’t have been in that house alone. You wouldn’t have been hurt. That man got ahold of you because I let you leave. Because I didn’t come after you until it was almost too late. I will never forgive myself for that. Never.”