Worth It (Forbidden Men #6)(93)

He shook his head. “But—”

“No.” I held up a hand because he didn’t get it. He couldn’t get it. He hadn’t been raised by a true family either. “In the past few months that I’ve worked at Forbidden, I’ve come to know what real family is. And they band together when the going gets tough, they support each other, rib and tease each other, trust each other, and most of all, they accept you for who you are. I never had any of that from my mother, father, or either of my brothers. And dissociating myself from them was the easiest, most amicable decision I ever made. I have never once regretted it.”

“What about college, though?” he pressed, watching me as if he didn’t believe a word I’d just said. “Your big dream. You were supposed to become a child psychologist.”

I sighed, remembering that dream fondly...but not missing the loss of it. Glancing at him, I said, “I decided I didn’t need a fancy degree to help people.”

He opened his mouth, but I held up a hand as I moved toward the table and seated myself before curling my knees up to my chest so I could hug them. “When I was staying at the Gambles’ house before I moved in here, Noel’s ten-year-old brother would climb into bed with me each night after having a nightmare. I guess a year and a half ago, he and another brother and a sister of theirs were living with his mom...who neglected them. He was malnourished and half dead when Noel discovered how bad they had it. So he scooped all three of his siblings up and moved them in with him. But little Colton still suffers from anxiety, worries his mother’s going to return and take him away, drag him back to that other life.”

Knox slowly eased a chair back and lowered himself into it. I smiled as I watched him, loving this, loving being able to share something with him. For the past too many years, every time I’d had a happy moment and felt the urge to tell him about my day, it’d been like a knife in the gut to remember I could no longer sneak out into the trees and tell him anything.

But here he was now, listening to me.

“Finally, I googled what you’re supposed to do with kids having nightmares, and then I employed a couple of the suggestions. You’re supposed to listen and understand, so I asked him about them, and he actually told me everything. Aspen had kind of already told me, but it was more heartbreaking to hear it from Colton’s point of view. So I reassured him, like they tell you to, letting him know Noel had full custody of him now, he didn’t have to worry. And we tried to come up with ways to combat the fear. The article I read talked about nightlights and security objects and some fun-in-the-dark games to conquer your fears. So I had him search the room in the dark for some little things I’d bought him and wrapped with glow-in-the-dark stars on them. I got him a lucky rabbit foot keychain, with the whole explanation of why it would give him good luck, then I attached a keychain-sized bottle of breath spray to the rabbit foot. I told him it was monster repellant so that if he ever woke up afraid, he just needed to spritz that into his mouth and exhale to keep the bad dreams away.”

Knox cocked up a curious eyebrow. “And that actually worked?”

I sent him an impish grin. “Of course it worked. The kid’s only ten.”

When he shook his head and his lips quirked as if he might smile, my heart sang. “Where did you ever come up with the idea for monster repellant?”

I shrugged. “The article said to be creative, and the spray was hanging next to the rabbit foot for sale, so that’s when the idea came. But the moral of the story: he never came into my room at night again.” My own smile bloomed. “It was so satisfying and amazing to actually help him. Noel and Aspen have been shocked by how much more energy he’s had since he’s been sleeping throughout the night. I just...I don’t even know how to describe how rewarded it makes me feel. And to think, I’ve never sat through one class in college.”

Knox exhaled as he watched me. Then he nodded as he pushed to his feet. “Okay, then,” he said. “You’ve convinced me you’re satisfied with your life. That’s all I ever wanted.”

As he left the kitchen, I gaped after him.

His statement shocked the crap out of me. Overall, I wouldn’t have ever described myself as a satisfied person. More like antsy and unfulfilled, as if something integral in me had been missing, because he’d been missing. But to hear him say that and then just...leave?

No.

Surging to my feet, I hurried after him and caught him in the living room.

“Hey.”

He looked as if he’d been ready to escape into his room, but he paused and turned back for me.

I opened my mouth, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit to him that I’d only felt like half a person ever since he’d been gone, and I still craved that connection with him. I needed to be whole again.

So I decided it was his turn to talk.

“Now I have a question for you.”

He edged backward and sent me a leery glance, his gaze hooded. But he answered, “What’s that?”

“Why did you kill Jeremy?”

Blowing out a sigh, he scrubbed his hand over the stubble on his head.

I knew it had to be in self-defense. I knew it. But I wanted to hear him say it. “It’s just...you were only two weeks away from getting out. Did you not think you’d get caught, or did you just not care about your freedom enough?”