Worth It (Forbidden Men #6)(45)

“Aside from that, there’s the fact I had to be the * who told you about your family.”

I flinched, not wanting to go there.

“I feel like shit about that, man. And you had nowhere to go, no one to contact for help, no money for...f*ck, anything. I wanted to make it up to you somehow. So I took you in and offered you a job because it was the first thing I could think to do. It was what you needed most.”

I started to tell him he didn’t owe me shit—even if I had unknowingly done him a favor once upon a time—I could take care of myself. But he held up a hand. “And then I also felt inclined to keep tabs on you in case Felicity wanted to know where to find you when I told her you were out.”

Just hearing her name slayed me. I winced and kept my eyes averted. “I can’t keep you from telling her, can I?”

“Nope.” He shook his head.

I sniffed, irritated that I couldn’t control this; she was going to find out about my release and whereabouts. Soon. But I still tried to fight it. “Well, I don’t see how she’d care to know.”

“Don’t you?” Pick murmured. “I do.”

I looked up at him, wondering what the hell that meant. He’d used the words friendship and loyalty when talking about her, but just how the hell close were they?

What had she told him about us?

Did this mean she wanted to see me again?

A crazy, anxious hope raced through me, but I swallowed it down. Didn’t matter what she wanted. Didn’t matter what I wanted. After what I’d become, the safest place for her was as far away from me as I could keep her.

“Don’t ever let me work with her,” I growled, piercing Pick with a deadly serious glare.

He opened his mouth as if to argue, so I waved a hand toward the dent in his wall. “Just look at what I did. I’m f*cked up. I don’t want her anywhere near that.” I didn’t want her to see me like this; I didn’t even want her to know I was like this.

Pick blinked away an expression of shock, but then nodded as if he understood. “Don’t worry. I’ve already scheduled it so none of your shifts coincide.”

I nodded. “Good.” That was all I needed to hear. “I’ll find some homeless shelter or something to stay in tonight.”

Not bothering to wait until I was dismissed, I stormed toward the door, but he called, “No, you won’t. I trust you, Knox. I trust you to sleep in the same apartment as my family, the same bed with my little boy and girl.”

I glanced back at him, shocked, and he nodded. “Yeah, we saw that they’d crawled in with you in the middle of the night, and we didn’t move them. Because both Tinker Bell and I trust you. We know you’d never hurt them. Don’t take that lightly.”

I gulped and looked away, because shit, I didn’t take such conviction lightly. It humbled me, yet made me feel worse, because I knew I didn’t deserve it. Just what did he think he saw in me that was so reliable, and how in the hell could he have any kind of faith in me when I had none in myself? After what I’d just done? When my biggest fear these days was myself? How could he be so sure?

Something dark dwelled inside me now, something black and violent and ugly, like a stain on my soul that could never be washed away. I hadn’t been in control of myself at all when I’d destroyed his office. That scared me.

I should never be trusted near anything that anyone deemed valuable. And to me, Felicity Bainbridge topped that list.

“I’m going to take off in a few minutes,” Pick said. “You can get one of the guys to drop you off at my place after work, I’m sure. I will see you in the morning, Knox.”

I couldn’t argue with his determined dismissal. His belief in me made me want to believe in myself. It made me f*cking hope.

Knowing I’d probably regret it, but still unable to tell him no, I nodded my acceptance for now and left him there. I was still shaken when I returned to the front, but I was determined to do this, work for him and pay him back for all his faith and charity.

They’d already opened, and the place was beginning to fill. Ten and Asher were moving between tables, pausing to take orders while Noel and Mason worked the bar. But when Mason spotted me, he sent me a jerky nod.

“Yeah, you should probably work back here tonight.” He hurried out from behind the counter, ushering me to take his spot, probably thinking it safest to keep me as far away from the customers as possible. Public safety and all that.

Noel was a lot more brusque and cold than he’d been before my office scene as he directed me in what to do. It was disorienting at first. My dyslexia would barely let me read shit on the cash register, but luckily I had a strong memory and most everything was color coordinated.

Usually he popped over to tell me prices or how to mix something before I could even ask, which also made it harder for me to f*ck up. But I think I surprised him with my adeptness because he kept sending me shocked little glances every time I did something right without his interference.

By the time I hit a groove, the club was packed, music poured through the speakers and this energy thrummed through my veins. It felt good, doing honest labor, being free, not having a warden breathing down my neck or other inmates plotting my demise.

An exhausted Ten plopped onto a stool, setting down a tray full of empty glasses and bottles. His eye was already turning red where I’d jacked him, and I was even more chagrined to discover I’d hit him on the scarred side of his face.