Words in Deep Blue(49)

‘What’s good advice?’ Rachel asks as we walk towards the club. I fill her in on Lola’s plan to ask Hiroko to stay, and her expression lets me know she agrees with me. ‘Bad idea,’ she says. ‘Very bad idea.’

‘Try telling Lola that,’ I say, as we reach Bliss and get into line.

I try not to look at her because it’s weird to check out your best friend, but I can’t stop noticing things that I can’t believe I’ve missed all these years. Her ears are exactly the right size. Her head is exactly the right shape. She smells fantastic.

‘What?’ she asks.

‘Your head,’ I tell her, ‘is a very pleasing shape.’

‘Likewise,’ she says, and smiles.




The music’s loud. We walk to the dance floor and start moving. Martin and George sit at a table and watch, and Lola’s off to the side talking to Hiroko, so it’s just Rachel and me.

I love dancing. It’s true I’m no good at it, but it’s also true I don’t give a shit. Rachel and I gravitate towards each other when Iggy Pop’s ‘Sister Midnight’ comes on. The DJ is classic Lola – all the songs we danced to in her bedroom and in the garage.

Fast song after fast song plays, and Rachel and I move around each other, yelling every now and then, but the words not reaching each other over the noise. Every time I get in close to her I want to stay longer. I find myself wondering what this Joel is like, and if she’s still thinking about him.

A slow Radiohead song comes on eventually, and Rachel and I look at each other awkwardly for second or two, and then I think fuck it. We’re friends. I can dance close to her if I want.

It’s easier to talk because my mouth is close to her ear. I tell her I’ve missed her, and she asks me what specifically I’ve missed. ‘I got all my scientific facts from you, for one thing. ‘I’m a total brain because of the information you gave me. Ask me a question. I’ll prove it.’

‘Name the nine planets,’ she says.

She watches me thinking. ‘You look like you’re in pain.’

‘That’s my look of absolute genius. You don’t have a similar look?’

‘I hope not,’ she says.

‘Well, that probably means you’re not an absolute genius. Okay. Nine planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune.’

‘That’s eight.’

‘Thanks to information you gave me in Year 7, I know that was a trick question. There are only eight planets. Pluto is a dwarf planet.’

‘Impressive,’ she says. ‘You should kiss me.’

‘I should name the eight planets more often. Did I hear you right?’ I ask. ‘You want me to kiss you?’

She nods, and I pull back so I’m looking at her face, at her mouth, at her ears and freckles and neck and I realise that this is not an idea that I find terrible. I find it far from terrible. ‘It wouldn’t make things complicated?’ I ask, and instead of answering she points over my shoulder.

I follow the line of her finger and see Amy, and I realise that Rachel’s not asking me to kiss her how I think she’s asking me to kiss her and I’m disappointed at the same time that I’m relieved.

‘You really want her back?’ Rachel asks, but she doesn’t wait for my answer. Instead, she loops her hands around my neck. ‘Relax. We’re just making her jealous,’ she says.

And then she kisses me. For a very long time.





Rachel




sometimes you need the poets

I’ve been waiting for as long as I can remember to kiss Henry and I’m sick of waiting and I know as soon as I see Amy walk into the club that this could be my one and only chance.

She’s wearing a killer dress – her hair is perfect. Greg is nowhere to be seen. My guess is she’s here to make sure Henry’s not going anywhere. My other guess is that he told her where to find him tonight.

She didn’t turn up here by coincidence and that means they’ll be together again soon. Our letters will stop, or slow. The nights in the bookstore will end along with nights when we dance together.

‘You really want her back?’ I ask Henry, and the answer is in his body. The second he spots her, he turns in her direction. I step in close, and he looks surprised and worried so I tell him to relax. ‘We’re just making her jealous.’

I keep my eyes closed, but the lights seem to have gotten under my lids, and there’s a flickering show happening in the darkness. Thoughts turn in the kaleidoscope, in no particular order – why would Amy keep leaving someone who kissed like this? Cal should have lived to kiss a girl. What is Henry thinking? When should we stop?

I pull away first. I try to read Henry’s expression – confused, worried, thrilled – all three maybe. ‘Is she still watching?’ I ask.

‘Yes,’ he says, and I can feel his breath as he answers.

‘You’ll have her back within the week,’ I tell him, and try not to sound unhappy.

I tell Henry it’ll be better for the plan if we leave now, and together. I don’t want to stay here with him looking at her, not after that kiss. I can’t see Lola anywhere or George or Martin, so we text to let them know that we’re leaving, and then I pull Henry towards the exit.