Witness: See Series (Volume 1)(45)
As he stared at me, I felt my soul begging to be set free. It felt like I was fighting to take my first breath – that I could see the purpose of my life just on the horizon. His eyes gradually fell from mine to my lips, then he leaned closer. My thoughts were screaming at me to back away, to move, to not look like I wanted him to kiss me - but I couldn’t move. My eyes closed against my will, and I felt his warm, tingling lips gently rest on mine. It was not a kiss filled with passion - not the way Draven’s touch always felt. It was also not a kiss that seemed to make me feel weak or guilty, the way Britain had made me feel in the past. It was a kiss that was full of an indescribable emotion, one that was innocent, complete…full of peace; like this was the only place I could truly exist. Even though I didn’t respond to the tender movement of his lips I felt an annoy of guilt swarm deep in my gut.
When the tingle of his simple, innocent kiss left my lips, I slowly opened my eyes to find him staring compassionately at me.
My head began to spin out of control, as flashes of light started to invade my vision. I felt warm and dizzy all at once. I leaned away from him, then stood and began to try and walk slowly away. I made it to the arched doorway before I lost the will to walk further. I could hear voices – echoes of a past. There was laughter, whispers…every emotion, a thousand different ways. The flashes of light grew more rapid, and on their surface I could see images of a past – a past that was layered in every era of time…there were images of me fighting battles that I knew I didn’t have the courage to face. Flashes that showed a life with a soul I loved….that showed lives with Silas. I slowly slid down the post that was balancing me. I felt like I was having a psychotic break…this was wrong – there was no way – no way that this was real. I couldn’t handle the images, so I squeezed my eyes closed. When I did that, the visions became clearer and the voices were easier to understand. I had to stop this – stop whatever was happening to my mind. I focused on the song I always hid behind – the one my father had taught me to play. Once the music came to life in my mind, images of Draven came to me. I saw his eyes staring into mine, heard him tell me that he loved me, felt the hum of his touch. The visions and voices subsided as I held my focus on Draven.
Guilt was the only emotion I could feel. I couldn’t believe I just sat there. I let this happen - I let someone kiss me...I wanted someone to kiss me...how could I be so cold?
I heard the wood of the gazebo creak and felt Silas slowly sit down next to me. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t; my guilt wouldn’t let me.
“I’m…I’m in love with someone…I shouldn’t of…I shouldn’t of just let that happen.”
“Are you…?” he asked quietly.
I bravely turned to my side and let my eyes fall into the glow of his. “What did you just do to me? What did I see?”
“A glimpse…into everything we have witnessed.”
“There is no ‘we’…I told you I’m in love with someone,” I argued weakly as the pain in his eyes tore my soul into.
“Our souls are meant to love everyone; I’m not mad at your for that emotion. You are a victim of this life. The devil himself twisted your intent, and now we have to find a way out of this – a way to give you what you want without sacrificing who you are.”
“And you know what I want?” I asked bleakly, knowing that I wasn’t even sure what I wanted.
“End the darkness – set the damned free.”
My eyes fell from his and gazed out at the gothic stones before us. “I don’t suppose that’s a secret. You know who Britain is, therefore you must know what he thinks I am…some kind of light.”
“Britain was your first attempt at this new plan of yours, and it failed.” I felt his body tense next to mine. “I should have ended him then – but you wouldn’t let me…I listened to you.”
I quickly looked to my side to find an anger engulfing Silas’ strong profile. “What are you talking about – ended him? When – like a few months ago?”
His eyes met mine. “No…long before that.”
Madison’s theory of past lives – the way she thought that escorts lived over and over and were born into the same family – was racing through my thoughts. “He’s lived before,” I mumbled.
Silas furrowed his eyebrows. “Now…that doesn’t make sense, does it? Living before – because we never really die.”
My eyes grew wide. “No way...no way this is real.”
“That is our issue now – you have made this real. You have submitted to the course of life, to the idea of living, then dying. You have forgotten who you are, why you chose to live this life. You have taken this notion too far - and now it’s destroying you.”
“What notion?”
“To save them.”
“Who – the damned?” I said with a tinge of anger in my voice. I wasn’t going to let anyone tell me those souls didn’t deserve to be saved, especially someone I barely knew.
“No…the ones that use the damned for power.”
“The escorts?”
“Is that what you are calling them?” he asked as his eyes almost playfully questioned me.
“That’s what I was told they were called. That they escort bright lights through life, taking their impact on this world away – creating more darkness.”