Within These Walls (The Walls Duet #1)(31)

“Sure,” I answered, grabbing the notebook and placing it on my lap. I opened it up and scanned the pages, remembering the hours I’d spent creating it, writing and re-writing it as I came up with new things to add to it.

“Pick a number,” I said, recalling our earlier game.

“One,” he replied.

“Nope. Try again,” I said, not ready to divulge that particular one just yet.

“Okay, how about ten?”

“Go on a roller coaster.”

“Hmm…Disneyland or Six Flags?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it,” I answered.

“Well, think about it now. Are you a big roller-coaster girl or more of an it’s-a-small-world person?”

My mouth twitched as I tried to hide the smile blooming at the corner of my lips. “Mickey Mouse, all the way.”

“Good answer. Okay, another one. Thirty-eight.”

“Um…” I scrolled through the list. “Oh, go to prom.”

His face twisted in amused disgust. “No, I need to scribble that one out. Give me a pen.” He looked around for a pen.

I grabbed the one near my thigh seconds before he did, causing us both to laugh.

“Be glad you missed out on that rite of passage. It’s way overrated.”

Holding the pen against my chest, I asked, “So, I take it yours was awesome?”

“The best,” he answered sarcastically. “My date got trashed in the limo on the way there and ended up in the ladies’ restroom. I sat outside and listened as she alternated between hurling and tossing every curse word at me that she could think of. Even in her alcohol-induced haze, that girl could fling some obscenities. I’m pretty sure I hadn’t heard of half of them.”

“Well, I’m still keeping it in there. A normal life isn’t about just the good things. It’s about the ups and downs. Whether or not prom is a good or bad experience, it’s an experience all the same.”

“Okay, good point. Did I mention she ended up making out with the prom king? And it wasn’t me by the way,” he added with a half smile, causing the tiny dimple in his cheek to make an appearance.

“So, I take it, she didn’t become the love of your life?”

His expression went blank, and his eyes became vacant.

“No. No, she didn’t. Seventy-two,” he said absently, his voice hoarse and soft.

“What?” I asked before catching on. “Oh, um…okay.” I scanned the list and easily found the number he’d asked for.

“Have my heart broken,” I said softly, realizing it probably wasn’t the best one to reveal considering the current devastation written across Jude’s face. I should have just picked the one above it—go to a movie theater.

His eyes searched mine. “Why would you want that?”

“For the same reason I want a crappy prom. You can’t live a normal life without the heartache. It’s all part of the package. My life has been nothing but surgeries, procedures, and living from one test result to the next. I’d gladly trade all of that for a little normalcy. Give me a terrible prom and a hot, sticky day at Disneyland. Let me fall in love even if it means I’ll get hurt in the end. At least then, I’d know that I’m living.”

His fingers brushed mine as he took the book from my lap. He shut it with one hand and set it aside. His gaze never left mine as he shifted forward, narrowing the gap between us. My heart beat faster, feeling the warmth of his body as he came closer to me. His palm cupped the side of my face, and I leaned into his touch.

“I want all those things to happen for you, Lailah. I want to see you cross out each and every item on that list, if that’s what it takes to make you feel alive or normal. The truth is, you are far from normal. You are light-years away from the word. You are exceptional. The word normal would be an insult to your very nature. I get that you want to experience everything under the sun, everything that life has robbed you of by shutting you out and keeping you prisoner to this bed, but there is one thing I will not allow.” His fingers slid into my hair, and his eyes fluttered close ever so briefly before he whispered, “No one will ever break your heart. I can promise you that.”





SINCE CLOCKING IN, I’d been moving through the motions of my duties, half-assing my job. I’d barely made it through a minute without thinking about the night before. My revelation regarding Lailah, my realization that whatever was going on between us went far beyond the boundaries of friendship, led me to one absolute conclusion.

I had no idea what I was doing.

I’d spent the last three years feeling nothing but pain and regret. Few other emotions had filtered through my psyche since I lost Megan.

Lailah made me feel…everything.

I was at odds with myself. An internal tug-of-war was pulling me in two different directions, and I had no idea which way to go. Behind me was my life with Megan. She had been my future, and when that had ended, I hadn’t wanted to move on. I hadn’t known how. I’d refused. I never expected there to be anything else. Now, when I looked ahead, there was this bright, shining path that scared the shit out of me. Lailah was a wild card, and I had no guarantees that I wouldn’t end up right back where I’d started—broken and alone.