Within These Walls (The Walls Duet #1)(17)

I was a f*cked-up mess.

“No, it’s just the dude complex. TV is on, so I’ve got to stare at it,” I said in a hopeless attempt at a joke.

He gave me a doubtful look, but we carried on. After that, we chatted a bit about stupid stuff—the weather, current events, and whether we thought the brand of coffee in the hospital cafeteria had been changed—until our food finally arrived.

He hadn’t been kidding. With fresh halibut and handmade tortillas, the fish tacos were amazing. We inhaled all of them in minutes. Letting everything settle, we sipped on beers and ate chips and salsa as we watched skaters and runners pass by. Dr. Marcus seemed to be in no hurry. It was either his day off as well, or he would be working the late shift.

Suddenly, my last shift lunch break with Lailah came rushing back, and here I was, having lunch with her doctor.

No better time to find some answers.

“Hey, Dr. Marcus, you’re Lailah Buchanan’s doctor, right?”

After taking a swig from his Corona, he slowly pulled the bottle away from his lips and set it down on the table. “Yeah, I am. Actually, I have been since she was an infant. Why?”

That surprised me. “Since she was an infant? But you don’t do pediatrics? Did you, at one time?”

He looked out past the sand to the water he so desperately loved. Without turning back toward me, he just continued to stare out at the crystal-blue water as he answered, “No, I’ve never done pediatrics. There’s some history between her mother and me. It’s…complicated. When I found out about Lailah, I immediately took her on as a patient. There was no question about it. She saw a pediatric cardiologist as well when she was growing up, but I oversaw everything medically related to her.” He paused as his eyes traveled back to the table and eventually to me. “Why the sudden interest in Lailah?” he asked with a bit of suspicion.

It reminded me of the first time I’d met Megan’s father. After Megan and I had been dating for about two months, her family had invited me over for Easter Weekend. Her father had followed me around that weekend like a hawk. I didn’t think I’d turned a single corner the entire time I was there without finding myself face-to-face with his baby-blue eyes.

“I’m just curious, I guess. I’ve been in her room and talked to her a few times. I’ve spoken to a lot of the patients on that floor,” I said, trying to take the focus away from Lailah. “It’s so different from the ER. Each room I visit, I meet the person and get to know them,” I lied.

The only two people I’d actually spoken to were Nash, the crazy writer, and Lailah. In my mind, everyone else I had interacted with on that floor remained exactly how ER patients had been to me—completely faceless.

“Patients do that to you,” he offered. “Lailah is special to me. She’s got a tough road ahead of her. Both of them do,” he said, obviously speaking of her mother.

“Lailah said she almost had a transplant before,” I said, glad he had been the one to turn the conversation back around to Lailah.

“Yes, it was devastating.”

“Do you know what happened?” I already knew what he’d say.

The date Lailah had given me already confirmed what I feared. As May had been coming to a close three years ago, I had been on my knees in a hospital hallway, begging my future father-in-law not to take Megan away from me.

“The family changed their minds. It happens more than you would think. I stayed out of the entire thing. It was too personal for me. Considering I had gone against protocol and told Lailah about everything before it was final, I couldn’t risk my medical license by getting more involved. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to beg that family to reconsider.”

If only he knew that I was the reason they’d said no…

“But she’ll get her chance again, right?” I asked in an upbeat tone.

“I hope so. I really hope so,” he said.

We finished our beers, and I insisted on splitting the tab.

“No way. I invited you J-Man,” he said, holding up his hands in protest.

“We’re splitting it, Dr. Marcus. Otherwise, this is like a date. By paying, you would make me the chick, and I’m definitely not putting a skirt on for you.” I grinned.

“All right, all right. I won’t pay for your damn tacos, man! Chill.” He laughed.

After I turned down his offer for a ride home, we said our good-byes, and I headed down the road toward home. The sun was perched high in the sky, just starting to hover over the water, as it prepared for its dazzling sunset display. I decided to walk most of the way home. I was still pretty full from lunch, and I needed a bit more time to dwell on all the swirling thoughts running through my mind.

It’s true.

I’m the reason Lailah Buchanan is still fighting for her life.

Had I been a better person, had I been able to let go of my own selfishness, and had I instead thought of others beyond myself, Lailah would have had…my fiancée’s beating heart inside her chest.

Fuck, I can’t handle this.

Walking turned into running, which turned into panicked sprinting. As guilty as I felt for that day, as much as it pained me to know that I could have saved Lailah’s life, the thought of someone else holding on to Megan’s heart killed me—no, it slayed me. I couldn’t stand the thought of a piece of Megan living on and me not being allowed to be a part of that. I knew that her heart hadn’t made her who she was, but it still would have been hers. It had given her life and had moved blood into her veins.