Witch's Pyre (Worldwalker #3)(112)

“Say I did tell them. Say I give them the whole story—that I was the one who told you in mindspeak to take her willstones away in that split second when Alaric was going to slit her throat. Then I tell them that you were going to break Lily out of her cage tonight while Alaric was away from camp, and we were all going to ride off into the frigging sunset together. What then?”

He looks at me, still not understanding.

“Do you know Lily at all?” I ask. “Because if you did, you’d know she’ll never forgive either of us. If she ever finds out the truth, she’s going to hate both of us for doing this to her, even if it was for her own good.”

“No, she—” he starts to argue.

I cut him off. “Yes, she will. I’ve known Lily since kindergarten, and I’ve never seen her forgive anyone. Do you know I’m her only true friend in our world? That’s because if someone picked on her for her red hair or her rashes or her weird mom, that person was never allowed to play with us again. She held a grudge against pretty much every person in our town. She pushed everyone away until I was the only person left in her life.”

Uncertainty flashes in his eyes. There’s only one nail left to drive into this coffin, and I hope it’s enough.

“Now, what if Lily hates both of us?” I ask. “Who’ll take care of her if she’s sent us both away? Who’s going to love her? She’ll be alone, Rowan.”

He drops his face into his hands. I don’t know if he’s crying or not, but I can’t let that stop me. The guy had his chance with his Lillian and he blew it. He can’t have mine. She was always supposed to be mine, since we were little kids. I feel bad for him, but getting Lily back is all that matters. I know I can make her happier than Rowan can. I know it.

He picks up his head. I don’t see tears, but the hollowed-out look he gives me is even worse somehow. “Juliet says Lily wants to go west. You’re going to need me. The coven’s going to need me,” he says. His voice is thin and lacking conviction.

“She won’t want you there,” I say.

“Still. I’ll follow, just in case. She doesn’t have to know.”

And then he can swoop in and save everyone at the last minute. Be the hero. Win her love. What can I say to stop him? Maybe only the truth will work.

“Look, she’s gotta hate someone for what we did. That’s how she works. Let her hate you.” I’m begging the guy now. “Give me a chance to make her happy. Stay away.”

Finally he nods. He looks lost, like he just woke up in a room he doesn’t recognize. I feel like shit about it, but at least she’s mine . . .

The memory ended and Lily stood staring at Tristan. He looked ashamed but relieved for finally getting it off his chest.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Lily asked, still too shocked to feel the hurt that some small part of her knew was coming eventually.

“For the same reason Rowan doesn’t want me telling you now,” Tristan said, seeming fed up with the whole thing. “Because your Tristan was dead and we didn’t want to tarnish his memory. Because Rowan was convinced you’d still hate him anyway for not catching up with us in time to save him. Because you don’t forgive and you never forget.”

Lily couldn’t look at him. She was too ashamed of herself. She blindly reached for Tristan’s hand.

“Can you forgive me?” she asked. He made an uncertain sound and she mustered the courage to glance up at him. “I’m sorry, Tristan. I’ll try to change.”

This wasn’t the reaction he’d expected. “You’re not angry?”

“No,” she said. Lily squeezed his hand tightly and then let it go. “I have to find Rowan,” she said, and ran into the throngs of people preparing for battle.

She felt her way to him, calling out in mindspeak, and quickening her pace until she was bumping into people as she passed. Everywhere she looked, scared people were girding themselves for war. Couples were embracing. Children were being separated from parents they might never see again. Friends were exchanging daggers and swearing oaths to look after the others’ families if only one of them came back. Lily could hear it all as she ran past. Her claimed were whispering about their fears and their loves and their losses in her mind.

As she plowed on, seeing the surprised stares she was drawing, Lily finally figured out how he’d always been able to find her. She’d always know where he was because it was where she most wanted to be. Rowan was standing in a clearing surrounded by braves, distributing arms.

He spun around as she skidded to a stop a few feet from him.

“Rowan,” she said.

Everyone dropped what they were doing to watch. Caleb, Tristan, Una, and Breakfast caught up with Lily a moment later and regarded her cautiously while she confronted Rowan.

“What happened?” he asked, his eyes worried, and the sword in his hand drooping by his side.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, breathless.

“Tell you what?” he asked, and then confusion turned to understanding. His eyes flicked to Tristan. “You told her.”

Lily strode forward, her cheeks red and her eyes shining with unshed tears. “How could you keep that from me? Especially after what Lillian did to you?” Her voice broke. Words like “hypocrisy” and “irony” floated around in her head. Instead she inarticulately blurted out, “It’s like . . . the exact same thing only backward!”