When the Heart Falls(148)

I pick it up and slide it over her back, using my hands to rub the suds into her, massaging her as I go.

She sighs and leans against the shower wall. "You're evil, Mr. Savage."

"If by evil you mean desperate to be with the woman I love, then I'm guilty as charged." As soon as the words slip out, I freeze. We haven't used the 'L' word yet, though I've thought it. I wait to see how she responds.

"You… love me?"

Part of me wants to take it back, knowing I'm sinking deeper into something that will be hard to recover from, but I can't do it. I know it's true, and she needs to know it too. "Yes, Winter Deveaux. I love you. Utterly and completely. Why else would I agree to our crazy cross-continental long distance plan?"

I think a tear slides down her cheek, but it's hard to tell with the shower water pouring over us.

My hands are on her waist, and she lets hers fall on my chest. "I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone," she says. "Never thought I could. But Cade, you understand me better than anyone I've ever known. When I'm with you, I'm the best possible version of myself, and I feel like I can accomplish anything."

"Oh sweetheart, you don't need me for that. You are amazing all on your own."

This time I know it's a tear that slides out of her blue eyes. "See? This is what I'm talking about. I love you, too, Cade Savage. Forever."

We kiss, melting into each other, and we don't stop kissing until the water runs cold.

Once we're in bed and dried off, I hold her and kiss her head resting on my chest. I imagine what our future could hold as we plan our lives together, traveling the world, having more adventures and eventually having children. That primal urge, linked to the DNA of our species, takes over, and I'm overcome by thoughts of our baby, a child made from our flesh, from our love.

Not now, we're not ready. But someday.

So what's a year apart? We'll make it work. We have to, because a lifetime together is worth it.

In my dreams I live all of this, our future and our present, but I wake with a start.

Someone is knocking at our door.

The clock by our bed says 3 a.m. I ignore the sound and try to sleep, hoping they'll realize they're at the wrong room and leave, but the knocking continues.

Winter groans and rolls over. "What is that?"

"Someone at the door. Probably some drunk dude at the wrong room. I'll take care of it."

I slip out of bed and slide on my jeans and a shirt, then open the door ready to chew out whoever is on the other side.

But the man on the other side of the door isn't some misguided drunk dude.

It's my father.





CADE SAVAGE





CHAPTER 25





I'M WIDE AWAKE now, but wish I was dreaming, or having a nightmare. Fury burns through my veins like poison. All my worst memories crash in on me, like being pinned under the weight of a collapsed building. Pete dying. Saying goodbye to Stevie. Disappointing my father because I can't devote my life to his ambitions and take care of my brother forever. "What are you doing here?" I ask.

"May I come in?" My dad looks haggard, with lines around his eyes that weren't there before.

"Leave!" I yell at him, finger pointed at his chest, like he's done to me so often. "Leave me alone. I'm done feeling sorry for you. Done caring about what you think. Done—"

"Cade, Stevie's dying."

My arm drops like it's made of lead and my throat constricts. "What? What are you talking about? I just talked to him a few days ago. He's fine."

"I'm sorry, son. Your brother's passing away. I tried to call you."

No. God. No. I'm shaking, my breathing coming in hard gasps. All that time. All those phone calls I rejected, all those voicemails I ignored because I assumed it was my dad trying to talk me into coming home. I can't think, can't process this information in the middle of the night in France, with the woman I love just a few feet away, after one of the best days of my life. Can't process something unthinkable happening across the world to my little brother.

"If you want to see your brother one last time, we have to go now. I have two plane tickets, but I had no idea you'd be outside of Paris. If that girl across from your room didn't tell me you'd left… " My dad sighs, calms himself down, showing more restraint than I expect. "Please, Cade. He's your brother."

He thinks I won't come, that I'm so selfish I would let my brother die while I party in Paris, and he looks sad, heartbroken at the thought.

He doesn't know me at all. He never has. But I have no room left for anger. Grief, fear, despair, but not anger.

I turn to Winter, who's sitting up in bed, clutching the sheet to her, shivering in the darkness. I want to crawl back into bed with her, to make love to her and fall back into our paradise where everything was perfect and sadness was just a distant memory, but that paradise has shattered, and I can't go back to it.

I will leave her here alone to return home, and in the process ruin any chance I had of passing this French class and going to New York. Whatever dreams we had, they are just that. Dreams.

Reality always comes crashing in.

But what does school and career matter when my little brother is lying on his deathbed wondering why I'm not there with him? While my mother sits by his side alone, because I was too stubborn and stupid to answer the f*cking phone, and now she's lost me and my dad.