Weddings of the Century: A Pair of Wedding Novellas(53)
“Oh?” Katie said with interest “What is so special about Thornborough? From what you say, he’s a dull sort of fellow, and he’s not particularly good-looking.”
“He’s not dull! He’s kind, intelligent and very witty, even though he’s quiet. He has a sense of responsibility, which many men in his position don’t. And he’s really quite attractive. Not in a sleek, fashionable way, but very... very manly.”
Her godmother smiled gently. “You sound like a woman who is in love with her husband.”
“I do?” Sunny tried the idea on, and was shocked to realize that it was true. She was happy in Justin’s presence. On some deep level that had nothing to do with their current problems, she trusted him. “But he doesn’t love or respect me. Last night he said that since I had behaved like a... a woman of no virtue, he would treat me like one.” A vivid memory of his mouth on her breast caused her to blush again.
“Did he hurt you?”
“No, but he... offended my modesty.” Sunny stared at her hands, unable to meet her godmother’s gaze. “In fairness, I must admit that I did not behave as properly as I should. I was… shocked to discover how wantonly I could behave.”
“In other words, your husband made passionate love to you, you found it entrancing as well as alarming, and are now ashamed of yourself.”
The color drained from Sunny’s face, leaving her white. “How did you know?”
Setting aside her coffee cup, Katie said, “The time has come to speak frankly. I suppose that your mother told you that no decent woman ever enjoyed her marriage bed, and that discreet suffering was the mark of a lady.”
When her goddaughter nod, Katie continued, “There are many who agree with her, but another school of opinion says that there is nothing wrong with taking pleasure in the bodies that the good Lord gave us. What is the Song of Solomon but a hymn to the joy of physical and spiritual love?”
Weakly Sunny said, “Mother would say you’re talking blasphemy.”
“Augusta is one of my oldest and dearest friends, but she and your father were ill-suited, and naturally that has affected her views on marital relations.” Katie leaned forward earnestly. “Satisfaction in the marriage bed binds a couple together, and the better a woman pleases her husband, the less likely he is to stray. And vice versa, I might add.” She cocked her head. “If you hadn’t been raised to believe that conjugal pleasure was immodest, would you have enjoyed the passion and intimacy that you experienced last night?”
The idea of reveling in carnality was so shocking that it took Sunny’s breath away, yet it was also powerfully compelling. She had come to look forward to Justin’s visits and to long for more of his company. The idea that her response was natural, not wanton, was heady indeed.
More memories of the previous night’s explosive passion burned across her brain. Though the episode had been upsetting, there had also been moments of stunning emotional intimacy, when she and her husband had seemed to be one flesh and one spirit. If such intensity could be woven into the fabric of a marriage, it would bind a man and woman together for as long as they lived. And if passion made a marriage stronger, surely fulfillment could not be truly wicked.
There was only one problem. “I’d like to think that you’re right, but what does it matter if I love my husband and he holds me in contempt? Justin has never said a single word of love.”
Katie smiled wryly. “Englishmen are taught to conceal their emotions in the nursery, and the more deeply they care, the harder it is for them to speak. In my experience, the men who talk most easily of love are those who have had entirely too much practice. The more sparingly a man gives his heart, the more precious the gift, and the less adept he is at declarations of love. But deeds matter more than words, and an ounce of genuine caring is worth a pound of smooth, insincere compliments.”
Abruptly Sunny remembered that Justin had said that he hadn’t looked at another woman since meeting her. She had thought that was merely a riposte in their argument, but if true, it might be an oblique declaration of love. Hesitantly she said, “Do you think it’s possible that Justin loves me?”
“You would know that better than I. But he seems the sort who would be more of a doer than a talker.” Katie’s brows drew together. “Men are simple creatures, and for them, love and passion often get knotted up together. If he does love you in a passionate way, the kind of restrained marriage you have described must be difficult for him.”
And if he was finding the marriage difficult, he would withdraw; that much Sunny knew about her husband. She had regretted the fact that he had never reached out to her with affection, yet neither had she ever reached out to him. Perhaps she was as much responsible for the distance between them as he was.
Attempting lightness, she said, “I suppose the way to find out how he feels about me is to hand him my heart on a platter, then see whether he accepts it or chops it into little pieces.”
“I’m afraid so.” Katie shook her head ruefully. “All marriages have ups and downs, particularly in the early years. I was once in a situation a bit like yours, where I had to risk what could have been a humiliating rejection. It wasn’t easy to humble myself, but the results were worth it.” She smiled. “A witty vicar once said that a good marriage is like a pair of scissors with the couple inseparably joined, often moving in opposite directions, yet always destroying anyone who comes between them. The trick is for the blades to learn to work smoothly together, so as not to cut each other.”