Way of the Warrior (Troubleshooters #17.5)(34)
At least the nightmares had started to diminish, and he was finally able to drive without breaking into a cold sweat at the irrational thought that an IED might be buried along the side of the road in rural Northern Indiana. And he could now walk into a crowded room without having a full-blown panic attack that had him doing an about-face to gulp down deep breaths of air and a handful of Tums. The rest of the shit he was still dealing with he’d been able to bury deep enough to convince the review board deciding his case that he could return to duty with the sheriff’s department. Well, they’d seemed to buy it anyway.
But he had a sneaking suspicion that the only reason he still had a job was because his dad was the sheriff and his two older brothers were pretty much next in command. Their family had been the law in Fairfield County, Indiana, since before it was a county. So if Sheriff Mac Dawson wanted his son back in the department, who the hell was going to stop him? He’d proven on more than one occasion to the people of the county that he ran things his way and if they didn’t like it, they could take their happy asses somewhere else.
Still, for all the outward appearances of acceptance, Joe had heard the whispers when the other deputies didn’t think he was listening, had seen the sidelong glances when he’d arrived for his evaluations, and he knew what they were thinking: He wasn’t fit for duty. He couldn’t be counted on, couldn’t be trusted. That he was going to crack at the first sign of stress.
He knew what they were thinking because he was thinking it, too.
Still, when Joe saw the mildly disappointed look in Sadie’s eyes at his less than enthusiastic reaction to her gift, he forced a grin and reached out to take the small box wrapped in tissue paper and tied with a red ribbon. “A present for me? Aw, shucks. You shouldn’t have.”
The charade was worth it when he saw her eyes light up with anticipation as he worked at the ribbon. She was beaming but seemed a little nervous at the same time, he could tell. She fidgeted, brushed a stray black dog hair from the sleeve of her blouse, grasped the locket she wore—the one he’d given her for her birthday a few years before—and slid it back and forth a little on the chain as she watched him fiddle with the ribbon.
God, she was beautiful. He would’ve much rather been slowly unbuttoning her white blouse, sliding it from her shoulders, pressing kisses to her creamy skin, her full breasts, than working on the ribbon with fingers that threatened to tremble if he kept letting his thoughts drift to far more pleasurable activities.
When he finally tore open the tissue paper, he was a little startled at what the package held. He had to blink a few times before lifting his gaze to Sadie’s. “Bullets?”
When he’d first come home, he’d been so depressed that Sadie had taken all his guns from the house, including his grandfather’s revolver. He knew the fact that she had brought him bullets was a sign of her faith in him and his recovery.
Sadie came around the island so that she was standing closer and let her hand rest lightly on his forearm. “You’re ready, Joe. You were born to protect and serve the people of this county, and they’ve been without you for too long.”
If his anxiety hadn’t been eating away at him, the look in her eyes would’ve made his chest swell with pride. As it was, the nearness of her was making other areas swell. He turned slightly to keep her from noticing, a trick he’d learned back in high school that had served him well over the years. “Thanks, Sade. That means a lot.”
She lifted her hand to cup his cheek and forced him to look at her. “I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true, and you know it. I want you to keep that in mind when you go on duty today.”
He nodded, swallowing hard and trying not to focus too much on the fact that her palm was so soft against his cheek or that her body was only inches away from his. God, it would’ve been so easy to wrap his arms around her and whisk her away to his bed.
For a long moment, their gazes met and locked. And something in the air between them shifted, the tension that always flared up whenever they were this close now becoming a palpable force that seemed to build with each breath. Joe’s eyes flicked down to her lips, his desire to taste them making his mouth water.
Sadie’s thumb lightly caressed his cheek, and she swayed ever so slightly toward him.
Good God, it was torture. He’d wanted her for as long as he could remember. He’d even kissed her once before, when they were fourteen and curious about what exactly a true grown-up kiss was like. It’d been a disaster. He’d gone in too fast, too harsh, and his braces had cut her lips. And that’d been that. He’d never had the balls to try again.
There’d been a few times over the years that they’d come close to kissing again. When he’d held her in his arms while she cried from a recent broken heart after some idiot had dumped her, when she’d comforted him after his mother’s death, before he’d left for Afghanistan, and they’d clung to each other, the thought of being parted again too difficult to even put into words. But they’d always held back, afraid that giving in would ruin their friendship.
But this time… Something had changed. There was something more, a longing that was impossible to deny.
He slowly slid his hand around to the small of her back, pressing ever so slightly, bringing her just a little closer. He could feel her breath quicken, saw her eyes dilate, growing darker. And to his astonishment, her lids drifted shut.