Way of the Warrior (Troubleshooters #17.5)(14)
Everything inside him came to a sudden, screeching stop. His heart quit doing flips, his lungs quit sucking in oxygen, and each second that ticked by on his diver’s watch became a little eternity.
“Harper…” Was that his voice, all tight and rusty? “You better just do a full disclosure here, angel. Because I have a feeling this convo just got really real, really fast. And I want to make sure I understand you.”
When she rolled in her lips before running a hand through her hair again, it took everything in him not to reach for her, not to pull her close. But for whatever reason, the woman was spooked. And he dared not make a single move to send her skittering away from him. Not again.
“I think I could,” she began, then stopped and shook her head. “No. That’s not true. Because I know. I know I could fall in love with you if I let myself.”
Tick. Tick. Tick…
He could hear the second hand on his watch counting the seconds. Which was strange, since it seemed to him that time had stopped.
Now before, when a woman whipped out the L-word, he?d always gotten a little itchy. Like he’d slept on sandy sheets. But this time? Oh, this time there was nothing but bright, tingly warmth spreading over his skin.
“I, uh…” He ran a hand over his beard. Dude, were his fingers shaking? “I suppose if we’re throwing all our cards on the table, I should admit I’ve been thinking I could do a little bit of falling in love with you, too. You know, given the chance.”
Her succulent mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again. But not a peep came out.
“Harper?” He dared to reach forward and brush two fingers over her satiny cheek. He didn’t know what he was expecting, probably for her to jerk away from him—she looked fragile enough to break with the slightest touch. So he was surprised when she closed her eyes, leaning into his caress. Screw it, he decided. It’s all or nothing. “Tell me what you’re so afraid of.”
She pinched her eyes more tightly shut, shaking her head.
“Why not?” he asked, his breath held.
“Because my momma always told me it’s better to keep my mouth shut and seem a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
“I could never think you foolish, Harper.”
She opened her eyes then. And if he wasn’t mistaken, a sheen of tears gathered on her lower lids. Fuck me sideways. If she started crying, he didn’t know what he’d do. Probably just break down right alongside her. The thought of brave, boisterous Harper Searcy reduced to tears because of him was just too much.
“Could you think me a coward?” she asked, her voice hoarse. “Because that’s what I am.”
“Why do you say that?”
She dragged in a breath, and he noticed her naturally pale skin was chalk white, making the cinnamon-colored freckles on her nose stand out. “Did you know my father was an Air Force pilot?”
Whoa. Huh? The change of subject was so jarring, Michael felt like he suffered from whiplash. “Uh…that’s a negative. You never said—”
“Well, he was. He’s retired now. But he was active duty for nearly twenty-five years.”
“Harper, what are you trying to tell me?”
She searched his eyes. Then shook her head, her shoulders drooping dejectedly. “Just that I listened to my mother cry herself to sleep every night when my father was deployed. Just that I saw them struggle to reform their bond, their love, each time he came back home just a little bit different than when he left. Just that being married to an airman was a burden that nearly broke my mom who, by the way, is a much stronger woman than I am.”
“Harper—”
She held up a hand to halt his interruption. “And since that’s the case, I promised myself early on that I wouldn’t make the same mistake she did. That I wouldn’t let myself fall for a military man. That instead I’d choose a nice normal guy to love. One who wears a tie and comes home for dinner every night instead of one who goes off to war in places I can’t even pronounce. I don’t want to be scared every day that two uniformed officers might knock on my door with their hats in their hands. I don’t want to go to bed alone more nights than not. I want barbecues in the backyard and baseball in the park and B-rate movies on Sundays. I want a man who will be there, Michael. And if you think that’s cowardly or foolish, I won’t blame you. Because it is. It’s both of those things. But it’s the way I feel.”
And there it was. The truth. In all its unvarnished glory.
He started grinning.
? ? ?
Harper expected any number of expressions from Michael. A curled lip of disgust, maybe. The narrowed eyes of disapproval, for sure. Which meant his smile had her cocking her head and staring at him. “Um…why are you grinnin’ at me like a billy goat in a briar patch?”
To her utter consternation, his smile widened. “Because all those things you say you want, I want, too. The barbecues and the baseball and the B-rate movies.”
He snaked an arm around her waist, dragging her forward. And just like they always did, her nerve endings lit up like Fourth of July firecrackers. She couldn’t breathe. Either because he was taking up all the air in the room, or because, despite her best efforts to keep her heart uninvolved, she’d failed. And the silly thing was breaking…just a little.