Warwolfe (de Wolfe Pack Book 0)(75)

He was only concerned with her.

“That was an exceptionally brutal thing to watch,” Aramis finally muttered when they were alone. “I have been exposed to battle wounds my entire life but that was… rough.”

Gaetan was looking at Ghislaine’s sleeping face, thinking he imagined something more than normal concern in Aramis’ tone. He struggled to keep his jealousy at bay, an unusual thing, indeed, when it came to his men.

God, how he hated feeling this way, swamped with feelings he’d never experienced before. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Aramis but the man had to know how he felt. He couldn’t be upset with the man if he’d not been forthcoming about his feelings.

He cleared his throat softly.

“She is the most courageous woman I have ever known,” he said. Then, he tried to look at Aramis but found he was unable to. This was going to be a difficult admission. “I appreciate your help with the lady. In fact, you have been most kind towards her since that evening at Westerham.”

Aramis nodded, his gaze on Ghislaine’s ashen face. “She was very clever, your little mouse.”

“You wondered if she could really fight. You received your answer.”

“I did, indeed.”

Gaetan paused. “Aramis,” he said. “I have been thinking about something. I do not wish to offend you, my friend, but I must ask. Do you have feelings towards the lady other than simple friendship?”

It was a blunt question that filled the air between them. Aramis tore his gaze away from Ghislaine’s face. He didn’t look particularly surprised by the query. In fact, he’d been expecting it. Therefore, his reply was calm and truthful.

“I know you do,” he said quietly.

Gaetan looked at him, then. He felt foolish that his friend was more observant than he gave him credit for but, in truth, it wasn’t as if he’d been hiding it as of late. “Does it show?”

“To me, mayhap.”

“Do the others know?”

Aramis shrugged. “I have not asked. No one has said anything if they do.”

Gaetan wasn’t sure how he felt about that except that he felt as if he’d been keeping a secret from his men and that was something he’d never done. He didn’t like withholding information from them but, in this case, he wasn’t even really sure what he was feeling for her. How was he supposed to verbalize it to others?

“You have not answered my question,” he said after a moment. “Do you feel something for her?”

Aramis’ gaze lingered on Gaetan a moment before returning to Ghislaine. “Would it matter if I did?”

“I would appreciate an honest answer.”

Aramis was quiet for a moment before the answer came, soft and hesitant. “It is possible that I do.”

Gaetan pondered the reply. Oddly enough, he felt relieved by it. Now, he could deal with it. It was the unknown that had him unbalanced. “I do not blame you.”

“Nor do I blame you.”

“I believe I will marry her.”

Aramis sighed faintly; Gaetan could hear him. “I see,” he said after a moment. “May I ask you something, Gate?”

“Of course.”

“What about Adéle and your other women? Do you believe Lady Ghislaine would like to be brought into a household where there are other women to share your bed?”

Gaetan shook his head. “I am sure she would not,” he said. “I will send Adéle and the others away. I do not need them any longer.”

“Need them?” he repeated. “You sound as if they were something to be tossed away. You are speaking of the mothers of your children.”

“I realize that.”

“There is also that goldsmith’s daughter who bore you a son years ago. What about her?”

Gaetan thought on the first illegitimate son he’d had, a fine lad named Estienne. Truth be told, he forgot about the child at times because the boy’s mother died the previous year and he’d done his duty to send the boy to squire, but he’d not seen him since. Now, Aramis had him thinking on the son he’d only seen once or twice in his lifetime. Another child from another woman he’d bedded. He was starting to feel the least bit uncomfortable with his behavior for the first time in his life.

“His mother died last year,” he replied after a moment. “She is no concern.”

Even though Aramis knew Gaetan and how the man conducted his personal life, it had never been any concern of his until now. Now, he was coming to wonder if Ghislaine wouldn’t be yet another conquest in the ongoing annals of Warwolfe.

“But Adéle and your other women are quite alive and, I would imagine, quite inconvenient to you now that you are contemplating taking a wife,” he said. “Now you would cast them all aside simply because you feel something for another woman?”

Gaetan sat back, mulling over the question. “Adéle knows that I hold no feelings for her,” he said. “She has been with me many years. She knows my thoughts and she knows that marriage was never a possibility. She is a slave, Aramis, and nothing more. And my sons… I adore my sons but to have legitimate heirs with a woman like Ghislaine would make me the proudest man alive.”

Aramis understood that because he was having the very same feelings. But Gaetan was his liege; it wasn’t as if he could fight the man on this and his disappointment was deep. The noble thing would be for him to back away. Perhaps he could; perhaps he couldn’t. He wasn’t exactly sure what he felt for the lady, either. And in that respect, what he would verbalize would be much the same as Gaetan. Both of them career knights, unused to emotional attachments.