Waking Gods (Themis Files #2)(59)

—I assume you don’t work for that senator anymore.

—Oh no. He died not long after that. Bone cancer.

—So who do you work for now if it’s not him?

—Well, he was the only person who really knew anything about me. I had no name, a growing reputation in the intelligence community. I had a bank card. I traveled for a few months, then it occurred to me that, perhaps, I was in a unique position to effect some positive change in the world.

—It can’t be just you. Are you telling me there’s no secret worldwide organization pulling strings all over the world?

—I can tell you that if such an organization does exist, I have never heard of it. I certainly never worked for one. Over the years, I have made numerous connections all over the world, and the means at my disposal are considerably greater now than they once were, but I do not work for anyone, if that is what you are asking. I am what you would call … self-employed.

—I’m … That’s insane! And it works? People believe you?

—Why would they not? I have what they want most.

—What’s that?

—I offer tranquility of the mind. People choose to believe I am part of a greater entity because it lets everyone sleep better at night. The world we live in is terrifying. There is war, global warming, disease, poverty, terrorism. People are scared. Everyone is. That is especially true of powerful people. They are scared of the world and the part they play in it. They are petrified, paralyzed by responsibility, unable to choose for fear of making the wrong choice. I offer exoneration, peace of mind. I peddle God in the form of an all-knowing, all-powerful global institution that will right every wrong and keep the world safe.

—Why this project?

—Ah! In 1999, an incident on an archeological site in Turkey was brought to my attention. Evidence found onsite, though inconclusive, led me to believe that technologically advanced beings might have been present in the area several millennia ago.

—You knew? Who else was aware of this?

—I knew nothing. I suspected. When the NSA granted funding to your research project in Chicago, I became aware of your childhood discovery and I immediately took an interest.

More than anything, I saw this project as a potential legacy. What I do, it is … It takes a particular mindset. It is not unlike law enforcement in that regard. I started out thinking I could remove the bad from the world one piece at a time until there was none left. The world, unfortunately, does not work that way. Perhaps it needs a certain equilibrium to function properly. Whatever the reason, it soon became obvious that what I had set out to do was very much like digging a hole in the mud. Remove a bad man from power, and a year later the person you put in his place is just as corrupt. If a policeman stops a drunken man from beating on his wife, what are the odds he will never have to go back? Can he really prevent anything, or is he just delaying the inevitable? I came to realize that good and evil were out of my reach, that time was the only thing I had any control over. I could buy time, create intervals. I could not truly make the world a better place, but I could make part of it a better place for a short while. I came to peace with that. Some cannot. As I said, it takes a particular mindset.

But as you grow older, you realize there will come a time you cannot keep digging, and the idea that your hole in the mud will fill itself completely, as if you never existed, becomes harder to bear. Permanence is the Holy Grail in my line of work. I saw this as an opportunity to leave a mark.

—If you could go back in time—

—Perhaps I could.

—That’s true. Do you wish things had been different?

—Besides the world coming to an end?

—That’s not what I meant. Would you rather have lived a … normal life?

—I wish my son had never died. I wish my wife were still here. If I could not change that, I would probably choose the same path. It has not always been easy, but overall, I believe I have done more good than harm.

—I guess that’s all any of us can ask for.

—I do have one regret.

—What’s that?

—I wanted someone to continue what I started. I did not know that I would run out of time. I had hoped to find a successor, to take someone … under my wing. I was looking for— —A son.

— … Perhaps. I wanted to leave some form of legacy. For a while, I thought Mr. Couture was a good candidate— —He could still do it.

—He has a family now, a child. He has too much to lose. I was saying I thought Mr. Couture was a good candidate until I realized you were the ideal one.

—Me?

—It had to be you. You are intelligent, dedicated. You do not have a family and you have expressed no desire for one. When I first met you, you were too na?ve, too … fragile, but since your reappearance, you have become more resilient, less— —I tried to kill myself.

—A momentary lapse in judgment. I meant to say you have become less … vulnerable to what the world has to throw at you. I can tell you that your former self would not have remained as collected as you were these past few days.

—I don’t give a shit anymore, is that what you’re trying to say?

—I said that you could replace me. That was never meant as a compliment.

—I couldn’t do what you do. I’m not … James Bond!

—I was not looking for someone to blackmail world leaders. I wanted my replacement to safeguard the Themis Files, preserve a record of these world-changing events. That said, I have accumulated a tremendous amount of sensitive information. If you knew what I knew, you could get what you want from just about anyone.