Waking Gods (Themis Files #2)(33)

—You could have gotten me out!

—Let us not waste time pondering what each of us could have done differently, shall we? You and I both know this conversation will not end with any great moral victory on your part.

—Do you know what I talked about at Fort Carson, before I went to Puerto Rico?

—I have a feeling I am about to find out.

—Nothing. I talked about nothing. Rose visited me a few times, but she’s about the only one I talked to. I stayed in my cell as much as I could. They took me to the yard, twice a day, but I mostly kept to myself. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had done to Vincent. I— —Is that really what you thought about?

— … You’re right. I kept thinking about what I had lost, about Kara. I couldn’t … I imagined the way she must have felt about me and I couldn’t stand it. I hated myself. I hated myself for a long, long time. I … I wanted her to like me again. I kept thinking of the ways I could make it up to her, what I could do to make her see me as a human being again, not as a monster. I’d come up with completely insane scenarios in my head. You know, she gets captured by terrorists and I save the day, that sort of thing. Took about a year for me to stop torturing myself and actually face what I did. I still hated myself, but at least I wasn’t living in a fantasy world. It wasn’t about Kara anymore.

—Is there a point to this story?

—Yes sir, there is. One day, out of nowhere, I get called in and they tell me I got an early release. Just like that. You can go. I didn’t know what was happening, they almost had to drag me out. A day later, I get a call to go to Puerto Rico. Kara’s there. Vincent’s there. Then things get really messed up and, by the time I realize how far out of her mind Alyssa’s gone, I’ve hurt both of them … again. I … It was hell. I couldn’t believe what was happening, but I pulled together and I did it. I saved them. You know, for real. I wasn’t daydreaming. I saved them! I wasn’t expecting everything to be perfect after that, but I thought … Then you threw me back in jail. Four years. No one came, not even Rose.

—I do not know where to begin. You attempted to kill Mr. Couture. Given the chance to gain their trust again, you chose to help Alyssa keep them captive and perform medical procedures on Ms. Resnik against her will. Finally, faced with something even you could not stomach, you chose to act like a decent human being, once, for about ten minutes. I am truly sorry if you were expecting a medal. As for Dr. Franklin, she was dead, which, if you ask me, is a reasonably good excuse not to visit.

—She came back.

—Yes. She came back, never having met you. Why would you expect someone you never met to visit you in prison?

—You know, sir, this is a lot of fun, but my break’s almost over. What are you really here for?

—As we speak, there is a team from Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta preparing a rescue mission. I would like you to accompany them.

—I can’t join a Delta Force team, sir. I’m not an “operator.” You have to be … well, you have to be Delta Force.

—You would be joining them as an advisor.

—I’m not a soldier anymore! They took that away too.

—I am aware of your dishonorable discharge.

—I’m sure you are, sir.

—Let me rephrase then. There is a Delta Force team preparing a rescue mission. I would like you to accompany them as a civilian advisor.

—Do you think sending me on a mission to watch a bunch of soldiers do what I can’t do anymore is gonna make me feel better about what happened?

—Your personal feelings are not my chief concern at this time, though I believe you might indeed find some degree of redemption in the process.

—What are you talking about?

—Do you remember how your mutiny ended at the Puerto Rico base?

—Alyssa escaped. Everyone else got arrested.

—Do you remember what prompted said mutiny?

—Yes. I remember. She said she removed some of Kara’s— —Ova— —Yeah … She said she would implant them into another person. She was trying to make— —She was attempting to create children who share whatever features allow Ms. Resnik and Mr. Couture to operate Themis. She was trying to make pilots.

—She’s crazy.

—Crazy or not, it appears she may have been successful … at creating a child. No one knows whether Themis would respond to her.

—It’s a girl?

—Why are you smiling?

—Kara’s a mom! Does she know?

—Not at the moment.

—Wait … You didn’t tell her?

—I saw no need to alarm her until—

—You said you would, sir. You told me! You promised me you would tell her!

—I promised you I would tell her when the time came.

—It’s been ten years! More than that! What are you waiting for? Grandchildren?

—I had no knowledge of this child until yesterday. Even now, I cannot confirm or deny her existence, nor can I validate the claim that she is the offspring of Ms. Resnik and Mr. Couture. That is what the mission is for.

—Why send Delta Force? You could just knock on the door and ask— —I have reason to believe the Russian Government is sending a team of its own to retrieve the child. I do not know what their intentions are, but considering what length they have been willing to go to thus far, I would not put it past them to … remove any evidence if they feel their mission will not succeed.