Waiting on the Sidelines (Waiting on the Sidelines #1)(94)

“You…wrote me a poem?” I questioned. He started laughing immediately.

“Oh, god no. You don’t want me to do that, trust me. It’d be awful!” he laughed. “It’s a letter.”

I looked back down and started unfolding it. It was two pages and it was well creased and took me a while to pull at the ends and unfold it to flatten it out. Before I could take in the words, Reed blocked the top from my view with his hands.

“Wait, you need to know something first,” he started. I stared at him, my eyes wide, unsure of how this night could get any more amazing. “You need to know when I wrote this.”

I held my breath, waiting. “OK? So…when did you write this,” I asked, my heart suspended.

“That night after the winter dance our sophomore year,” he swallowed, his gaze holding mine as if he was trying to prove to me that he was being honest.

My hands were a little shaky now and I bent my head forward to read the words this boy, so much a man, had written to me a year and a half ago.



Dear Nolan:



Dear seems so sappy, sorry. I don’t really know how to write things like this. I’ll probably just shove this in my desk drawer for nobody to ever find. Damn, I’m already so f*cking mushy, I hope they don’t find it.



I looked up at Reed, matching his shy smile with my own and I looked back down and continued to read.



I don’t know what took me so long to see it, but you are so beautiful. Like, yeah, you’re hot! But not in a stupid sounding way – I know, I sound stupid now, huh? Anyhow,...sure, I’m going out with Tatum, and yeah she’s hot. But, you’re different.

I’m not going to lie, I went out with Tatum because all of the guys think she’s hot, she’s a senior, and she’s a lot of fun. Well, not like I can really do things with her, but… OK, I’m not going to sound like a prick in writing, but you know what I mean.

Focus, Reed Johnson.

So, I’m writing this as sort of a confessional. I guess this is like my diary, huh? I’ve never had one of those, but maybe I should start one. Not that I have a lot to say. But I’ve got this. I’ve got what happened tonight. Tonight I danced with a girl that stole my breath away.

My dad’s always telling me shit about how ‘the heart doesn’t lie’ and how one day I’ll meet a girl that will make me stupid. I always thought he was crazy because there have been a lot of women who have made my dad act stupid. I guess he just likes falling in love.

But you, Nolan, you make me act stupid. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the courage to tell you any of this. You’re not easy (and no, I don’t mean that in the perverted way). I mean you come with a lot of feelings, you make me feel. It’s weird, but when I touched you tonight it felt like tiny shockwaves hitting my skin. I was afraid to touch you, but I also had to.

I felt my lips twitch, so close to you. That was new, that’s never happened before. I almost kissed your neck out of habit then I snapped out of it and realized that you’re not mine. But what’s strange is it felt like you’ve always been mine.

I don’t know what happened, and I know that you would just rationalize all of this and say something about me being struck by the song and you in that pretty f*cking dress, your bare shoulders so perfect and soft. But as beautiful as you were tonight, I think maybe you’ve been beautiful all along. And I’m just stupid.

Anyhow, like I said. I’ll probably just shove this in my desk drawer. But I feel better getting it off my chest. Who knows, maybe some day I’ll just kiss you and give it to you anyway.

Yours, apparently?

Reed



I’ve never cried tears of joy, but I was doing that now. I was also fighting to breathe, suffocating a little from this amazing gift. Knowing what I needed, Reed just pulled me into his arms and held me tight against his chest, his mouth at my ear.

“I guess I knew I loved you then, too,” I could feel his smile. “I’m sorry it took me so long.”

I held onto his arms around my front and kissed them, squeezing him back. Turning in his arms to face him, I folded up the letter and shoved it deep in the pocket of my jeans. “That just kicked the shit out of my scrapbook and the varsity letter,” I joked, trying to lighten the mood and bring myself back from the brink of delirium.

Reed just chuckled and smoothed the hair from my face, kissing me softly on the lips. As our lips held on to each other, I knew then that I was ready to give myself to Reed. And it wasn’t just because of his letter, though that helped. I didn’t want him to think that I thought he was just trying to get into my pants.

I stopped our kiss and held his stare as I sat up and stripped my sweatshirt, followed by my T-shirt and tight undershirt I had worn until I was bare in front of him. He was careful, waiting until I reached to pull his shirt from him, too. I snuggled tightly along his side and kissed my way up his shoulder, neck and face until we were intertwined and kissing hard again.

I kicked at my feet, pulling my shoes off and then working my pants open without Reed noticing. When I started to reach down to slide them down, he stilled, tense, and held my hands. “Nolan, you don’t have to do this, that’s not what tonight was about,” he was serious.

“I know,” I just kept my eyes on his, my breathing heavier now and my heart determined.