Waiting on the Sidelines (Waiting on the Sidelines #1)(75)

“Now, none of that,” he said, lifting my chin. “You’re brave. All the time. It’s in you. And I’m glad that Reed has you…as a friend.”

I just held his gaze and smiled. I knew Buck knew more than he said. He was very perceptive. And very wise, I was starting to think.

“Now, tell me about this Tyler fellow,” he put on his fatherly, serious face.

I just shrugged. “Not much to tell,” I scrunched my eyes, guiltily.

“Well, just make sure you’re honest with yourself, girl, ok?” he said, patting my hands a little. “Be honest with that heart of yours. It’s the important stuff.”

We stopped talking when Reed and Sean walked back in again, but as I got up to stand by the door, Buck gave me a wink. Yes, wise indeed.



Buck was in the hospital recovering for nearly a week. I had finally called Tyler back after our visit. He was very compassionate and offered to come visit with me or just come to my house to take my mind off things. I told him I would be OK and we made plans to see each other the next weekend. He had a diving meet and I was going to watch.

Reed played the season opening game and was amazing. He dedicated it to his father and the entire team wore patches with Buck’s old number in honor of him. The booster moms were working overtime, I thought.

I hadn’t really talked to Reed much since the last visit I made to the hospital. He seemed to be a little more focused. He had avoided the desert party after the game, and Sean said he wasn’t drinking, which was good, I thought.

We made eye contact and exchanged pleasant nods and smiles in our literature class, but he still walked right to his seat on the other side of the room. If I hadn’t locked it away so solidly in my memory, I would start to doubt if Reed had ever told me he loved me. But I knew he did. But I also knew he smelled like a pint of Jack Daniels then, too.

I was talking to Sienna at our locker when my eyes shifted to follow Reed as he walked by, his arm around a sophomore I didn’t recognize. I don’t know why it surprised me so, because it was the way he had been acting the weeks before Buck’s heart attack. But my gut felt a stabbing pain when I coupled the vision of him with someone else along with the drunken words he had uttered.

“Nolan, earth to Nolan,” Sienna was snapping in my ear.

“Huh? Oh, sorry. I got lost in him again, didn’t I?” I shrugged.

“What’s new,” she rolled her eyes. We started walking to our last class together.

“I just don’t get it, you know?” I needed Dr. Sienna therapy, and I needed it now. “Why does he say one thing and do another?”

She stopped and turned me to face her. “Nolan, you’re my best friend. But you can be such an idiot,” she stunned me a bit.

“OK? Go on,” I said, shaking my head.

“At least he gives you words, Nolan. You don’t say anything. Or you say things to me, but never to him. What are you doing with Tyler? Reed’s just trying to give you permission to be happy. You can’t blame him for that,” she shrugged and started to walk again.

My friend was so smart. That’s two wise people I know, I thought.



I had almost talked myself into having a real heart-to-heart with Reed when I walked out to the parking lot at the end of the day and saw him making out with the sophomore at his Jeep. He was leaning her up against it, his arms trapping her. I averted my eyes quickly and just made for the gym for volleyball practice. I had missed a few days when I was at the hospital with Buck, but my coach was good about it. I was a captain this year, and really liked that some of the younger girls looked up to me.

The workout and practice was a hard one, but it was welcomed. It was a nice distraction from seeing Reed locking lips with yet another girl. I heard the whistles from the football field when I left the gym, and paused a bit to watch Reed throwing passes from afar. My feelings aside, he was amazing to watch. So poised, so in control. So confident, I thought.

I pulled my phone out to read another text from Tyler, firming up our plans for the weekend. I told him I’d see him at his meet and just wait for him after so we could go out. I had to get my head back on right, and maybe seeing Tyler was just what I needed.



As the weeks passed, I saw Tyler more and more. I went to a few of his meets, all of which he won. It was amazing to me the level of athleticism he had, yet only a few people watched him dive from platforms while thousands drove hundreds of miles to watch Reed throw a ball.

Tyler and I spent a few evenings at his house, our make-out sessions getting a little bit more intense. And I was growing more comfortable with my body and sharing it with him. It was early October, and the air was starting to chill at night, so we would sit out on his parents’ patio by a large fire pit they had built-in next to the pool. This was the first time he had managed to completely remove my shirt and bra.

When I drove out to meet him, I had planned for this to happen, wanted it even. But driving home after our date, I felt a little empty about it. Almost a bit used. I didn’t have anything to compare it to, so I wondered if it was just my nerves making me doubt it. There was also the lingering guilt I felt for Reed. It wasn’t that he was giving me any new signs that he was interested, but I constantly replayed his confession that he loved me in my head. Frankly, it was starting to make me feel numb on some level. I think that’s why I was being so forward and sexual with Tyler. It was like I was trying to force myself to feel sparks when I was with him.