Waiting on the Sidelines (Waiting on the Sidelines #1)(63)

“Nolan, I don’t remember any of that. Sean told me what I said, and I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it…I was pretty f*cked up…and after what Tatum had told me you have to understand that my head wasn’t on right. I’m just finally crawling out of the dark place she put me in,” he said, his tone not really regretful but almost defensive. This just made me angrier. I realize what Tatum had done was very much about him, but what he didn’t seem to understand was it had ruined me, and I was an innocent casualty of it all. And the worst pain was inflicted by him.

Knowing I would regret not showing him the stuff I was holding onto deep down inside, I sucked in deeply and stood to square myself with him. Pulling my glasses off, I made sure to get close enough to make him uncomfortable. “Reed, I’m only going to do this once, so you better listen. I don’t know how you’ve never taken the briefest of moments to ruminate on how this last month played out for me, but let me get you up to speed.

“That night that I drove to your house, I was dreaming, Reed. Dreaming about how I might actually get to be with this stupid f*cking boy who had my head all twisted and my heart wrapped around his finger. This boy that I loved secretly for two years, all the while watching him kiss and sleep with this demented bitch who bullied me in the most horrible ways. Horrible, Reed. She was horrible to me!

“And then my world slid off balance the second I saw you holding her again, your lips grazing her face to comfort her. And while you think you fought for me, Reed, you really didn’t. You just let me go. And I cried. For days.”

He was expressionless staring at me. He was also speechless. And I was shaking from this truth that I’d held so close to my vest. But getting it out felt so liberating, I had to keep going.

“And let’s talk about what I think about drunk Reed, huh? Shall we?” I poked a finger in his chest a little, mimicking his drunken gesture. “Boy, Reed. He’s an *! Like, a major *. I know Sean told you that you said some horrible things to me, but did he really give you the play-by-play?” He stilled, his shoulders tensing a little. He was uncomfortable in his skin, and I knew he didn’t know the exact words he had uttered.

“You asked me if I was f*cking Tyler now. You know, after f*cking Sean.” He sucked in a deep breath, his eyebrows raising a little, taking in his own words. “And then you wondered how I could have skipped over f*cking you.”

Gathering more strength, I stepped into him even closer. “Really? Now, hearing that, is it so hard to wonder?” I held his gaze for a long time. His eyes revealed his shame. I had shamed him, and for once it felt amazing. Not wanting to hear any more excuses or half-ass apologies, I flipped my glasses back on and walked past him over to the front deck to line up for station assignments.

Todd still managed to keep us fairly far apart for the rest of the afternoon. I looked over to see Reed looking at me from time to time, but gone was his cocky smile and angry, jealous glare. He looked like a puppy caught peeing on the rug, and while I was sure I would feel bad about it eventually, for the time being I was still reveling in the superiority.

He was taking one of his breaks with one of the other girls on staff, and though I tried to ignore it, I still snuck in glances to watch over her fruitless efforts to flirt with Reed. This morning, he might have indulged her and made a show of it in front of me. But now? Today I stripped him a bit of his confidence.



The regular swimmers had all gone home and I was waiting on the deck for Nancy to arrive. A few of the other members of the therapy class had shown up so I was sure she’d be here soon. I was up front by Penny when Reed came around the corner to the exit, stopping in my view. I turned away from him, and as I did I saw Nancy and her mom walking up from the parking lot. I decided to meet them outside, and when Nancy saw me coming, she ran up to me and jumped at me giving me a huge hug.

“No-line, No-line, No-line!” she said with the most thrilling enthusiasm heard by my ears. She had a hard time saying my name, and it came out with the cutest accent.

“Hey there, pretty mermaid princess. You ready to swim?” I asked her, kneeling down and letting her twirl in front of me. She just turned to me and nodded yes with a huge grin. I stood up and told her mom I’d meet them by the pool and she thanked me and headed into the locker room.

When I turned back around, Reed was staring at me, the faintest of smiles on his face. I just smiled back softly, mostly out of respect for the joy that Nancy brought me. I walked through the gate to Penny’s desk and pulled out the paperwork for Nancy’s lessons. We had a checklist to work through each day and when she was done I was going to give her a special diploma.

“What’s going on?” Reed asked quietly, almost afraid to speak. He coughed a little to clear his unsure throat.

I just looked him in the eye, my brow furrowed a little. I was confused that he was asking and still suspicious. I wondered if I would ever stop being suspicious again. “Uhhh… I’m volunteering?” That’s all I gave him.

He smiled with his familiar face, the one he used to show me when I said something sarcastic. “Yeah, I get that. But what’s it for?”

“Hmmmm. Well, it’s this cool program Todd told me about the other day. I’ve been thinking that maybe I want to get into special education in college. I’ve been working with Nancy. She has extreme anxiety, and our swim lessons make her forget about it for a while,” I paused for a minute, looking up at him and then back down at her checklist. “We’re sort of good for each other, you know?”