Waiting on the Sidelines (Waiting on the Sidelines #1)(11)

“Yeah, I got it,” he said, a bit taken with her. I could tell he was feeding off of her. Who wouldn’t. She was 17 going on 26 and was built like a Hooters waitress. I thought of myself trying to pull off that same move…I would look idiotic, I disappointed.

For two hours, the giggling continued. At one point, she had jumped up on his lap and had wrapped her arms around his neck. He was stroking up and down her back with his hand, his thumb flicking the straps of her tank top. He had a smirk on his face and she knew she had him. While I was only a room away, I was an entire world apart.

My phone made me jump, and I knocked over the stack of note cards I had been making about our various model pieces. I told my dad I would meet him outside when he came, fearful that I might start crying at any moment. I bent down to gather the note cards and my eyes started to sting. I saw the bottom of Reed’s tattered jeans on the other underside of the table. I begged myself to stop the tears and wished with all my might that he would just leave it at a “see ya next time” or “goodbye.”

“Was that your dad?” he asked.

“Yeah, he’s on his way. I’m just packing up and then I’ll be out of your hair,” I said, a bit snarky. I hated myself for letting it get the best of me, and then also dreaded the direction I knew this would go, and the fact that I was taking it there.

“What the hell does that mean, Noles? Something wrong?” Reed said, squatting down to help me with my note cards. Just then, I heard Tatum calling from the living room, “Reeeeeeeeeeeeed, come back here, I’m cold.”

He smiled a little, turning his head sideways, almost as if he was imagining just what he could do to warm her up.

I snapped. “You know, if I was going to do this entire thing by myself, I could have just done it at home, saved us both a lot of hassle. It’s not like I need your table to hold up the card board,” I shot the words at him, though they were merely a mask for what was eating at my insides.

“Noles, I totally didn’t mean to leave you with all of this. I just figured you liked doing this part and you were so good at it. We always have fun, and laugh, and I can totally jump in whenever you need me to. You just never seem to want me to. … I’m sorry, dude,” he rattled that last part off, just as Tatum let out another cackle of a laugh. And that finally broke me.

“Dude? … Dude?” I stood as he did, getting close enough to him so I could say this last part with enough force but just out of earshot of what was in the next room. “I’m not a dude, Reed, like Cole or Devin. At least …” I looked around as I stepped closer to whisper in his ear. “I haven’t had a sex change,” I gritted through my teeth. Then, picking up his wrist, I formed his hand into a fist and pounded mine against it, looking straight into his eyes the entire time, unflinching. “Booooom!” I said plainly, with as little emotion as possible, pursing my lips. Staring into his eyes for a few more uncomfortable seconds, I saw realization wash over his face. I had heard the entire thing—and I had heard him.

I grabbed my bag from the nearby chair, headed straight to the door and left, never turning back. I walked down the driveway as my dad was pulling up, willing myself to hold it all in until I could lock myself in my room. Reed knew exactly what I meant. He got it all, and I knew it. And as proud as I was of myself, I also silently scolded myself for being surprised that he would cuddle with Tatum in his house while I was busying myself with clay and glue … like a child.

I let the tears fall as soon as I pushed my face into my bed, and I cried until finally falling asleep well after midnight.





4. Words


I wouldn’t call it moping, but I walked to my homeroom that morning with a certain sense of hopelessness. I was exhausted from the previous night’s cry fest, and dreading my science class with Reed. As Sienna and Sarah bounded into the classroom, full smiles, I sank further into my seat. We had planned on going to the football game tonight, but that was before I made an ass out of myself in front of our cool new group of friends and lambasted the boy who had repeatedly broken my heart in a matter of weeks. I had to try to get out of this, and so as soon as they sat down next to me I put on a coughing act and said I wasn’t feeling very well.

“Like hell,” Sarah started. “Girl, you better suck it up and start taking some vitamin C, cuz there’s no way we’re missing that game tonight. Cole invited us to the desert party after, and we are going, because he is way hot, and I want him.”

“I don’t know,” I started, but was quickly cut off.

“You’ll feel fine as soon as we start having fun. If not, my sister will totally drop you off at home on our way to the party, ok?” Sarah said. There really is no reasoning with her when her mind’s made up.

“OK,” I shrugged, slumping down even more in my chair.

Sienna just looked at me with a soft smile. I think she sensed that there was something more to it, but she was also sweet enough to know when I didn’t want to talk. She just squeezed my wrist and whispered, “we’ll have fun!”



My morning classes flew by and I was on my way to science, walking alone. I spent extra time at my locker to avoid the chance that I might have to walk in with Reed. I scanned the quad on my way to the room terrified that I would still run into him. When I entered the classroom, I snapped my focus right to his seat. I wanted to see him first—before he locked eyes on me. For some reason, I thought that might help me prepare myself and square up my irrational emotions. But his seat was still empty.