Vindicate (Recovered Innocence #1)(59)

That son of a bitch Dylan. I knew he’d call her.

She finishes the call and tosses her phone on the bed. “That was Dylan. But then you probably already know that.” She looks at me then, and there’s something I’ve never seen before in her eyes—insecurity. “Did I do something wrong?”

“You turned that * down, so no.”

“I mean here.” She gestures at the bed. “I saw the box of condoms in your bag. Did you have them that first night?”

How do I answer her? I lied to her then. Do I lie to her now too? How many times can I lie before that’s all that’s left between us?

“Yes.”

“Why did you tell me you didn’t have any that first time?”

I shrug, not because I’m trying to be flippant, but because she’s opening up a conversation I want no part of.

“Why don’t you want to have sex with me?”

I can tell my reluctance to go all the way with her and my lying and avoidance hurt her. What do I say that won’t either creep her out or scare her away?

“We have sex.” My voice comes out as a hoarse whisper.

“We get each other off.”

“There’s more to sex than penetration.” I can’t believe my response is to give her a f*cking sex-ed lesson she doesn’t want or need.

“Why won’t you have sex with me the way I want to have sex with you?”

I crack a teasing smile when there’s nothing funny here. “How do you want to have sex with me?”

“I want you to stick your dick in me like I know you want to but for some reason won’t. Why not? And by the way, you were right about Dylan. He asked me out. I bet if I went out with him he’d f*ck me.”

“Is that what you want, to be f*cked and thrown away? You don’t value yourself enough to be more than a quick f*ck?” I’m motherf*cking Dr. Phil now, talking about feelings and shit. I should be getting my first period any day.

“Why won’t you answer my question? Do you have a problem with me being a virgin?”

“No.”

Glaring up at me, she hugs her knees. That white cotton nightgown is having a strange effect on me. There’s nothing special about it. In fact it’s kind of plain, but it’s doing my head in. I picture her wearing it with a white veil, holding a bouquet of flowers. She’s walking down the aisle toward me. Then it’s our wedding night and I’m taking it off her like I did just a few moments ago, only this time I don’t freak out. She’s my wife and it feels right, like coming home. I slide into her. She welcomes me. She’s not wearing the look she’s got now that tells me I’m a big giant *.

“I don’t believe you,” she says. “Have you ever been with a virgin?”

“That’s not what this is about.”

“Then what is it about?”

“I’m going to take a shower, then I want to check the map against what Damien LeFeaux said in his testimony during the trial before we meet with my dad. He’s got that meeting with LeFeaux this afternoon.” I head for the bathroom.

“My virginity freaks you out.”

“Your virginity doesn’t freak me out. Would you let it go, already?” I slam the bathroom door on her reply.

It would almost be better if I had some kind of hang-up about virgins. I’d be less of a head case if that was what’s going on here. Maybe then I’d recognize myself. Because this Leo—the one who can’t bring himself to open a box of condoms when he’s got a hot, willing woman in his bed—is not someone I know. I’m not sure he’s someone I want to know. That guy is a loser, holding out for something he’s never going to have with Cora.





Chapter 27


Cora


I don’t understand Leo. He’s not behaving the way I expected him to. The only explanation is that my virginity weirds him out. He certainly seems to like touching me and doing things to me and with me, but he won’t screw me. It’s starting to feel like I’m wearing a scarlet V on my chest. I’m impenetrable, like some kind of unsexy superhero. I’m coated in penis repellant. My own kind of invisible super power that no one wants.

Of all the guys for this to be a problem for, I never would’ve guessed it would be a problem for Leo. I figured he’d have a whole bedpost notched with virgin conquests. I’m starting to think I’m his first virgin and he doesn’t know what to do with that. I should read up on it. I bet there’s a protocol or treatment for this sort of thing.

The shower goes on in the bathroom. I grab my phone and do some Google-fu. Huh. Apparently Parthenophobia is the mortal fear of virgins. Symptoms of Parthenophobia include heavy breathing, profuse sweating, nausea, vomiting, an inability to speak, cotton mouth, and a feeling of paralysis. He definitely didn’t seem to have any of those. So if it’s not a clinical thing requiring a doctor it must just be only a slight hang-up. If he legitimately had this fear, then he certainly wouldn’t have been able to get me and himself off.

Maybe he just needs someone to help him work through it. I grab Leo’s box of condoms, open it, and take one out. Then I take a second one out…just in case. I test the bathroom doorknob. It turns easily, so I enter and close the door quietly behind me. I slip out of my panties and drag my nightgown over my head. Taking a deep breath, I tell myself that I’m doing this for him. The truth is I’m doing it for me.