Unspoken (Shadow Falls: After Dark #3)(93)

She stared at him. “What’s so funny?”

“You,” he said. “Us.”

“I guess I don’t see the humor in it.” She ran her finger over the edge of the table and looked down at the cookie again.

“Hey,” he said, his voice pulling her eyes up.

“I knew what you meant last night. And I also knew you felt weird about saying it.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I did.”

She nodded. And just like that she remembered some of the vibes she’d gotten from Steve since he’d come back. “You don’t love me either, do you?”

That chased away the humor in his eyes.

“Well, I … care, but…” He turned his cup in his hands. “Are we finally having our talk?”

“As long as you aren’t gonna be pissed at me and not help me tonight.” No sooner had she said that, did she wish she could unsay it.

He frowned. “You know me better than that.”

“Sorry. I do. I’m just…” dying inside. “I’m messed up right now.”

“Do you want to go first?” he asked.

“I hate being first.” She looked down at the bag with the cookie and reached in and broke a piece off. “I’m sorry. You can have a piece of you’d like.”

“That’s okay.” He smiled.

She took a bite. The sugar and cinnamon had her taste buds dancing, but then the other stuff, the doughy middle, tasted like paste.

But she forced herself to swallow.

“Okay, I’ll go first.” He took a deep breath. “Here’s the thing. I care about you. A lot. And if … some things didn’t happen, things might be different now.”

“Things?” she asked.

He let go of a deep breath. “Sorry, that’s not what I want to say.” He frowned and looked down at his cup. “I’m sort of messed up too. A little bit. Not so much that I wouldn’t share my cookie with you.” He grinned and she knew it was a joke.

She also knew that sometimes Steve joked when he was nervous.

They stared at each other for several minutes.

“Here’s the truth,” he said. “There’s a part of me that is still pissed about Chase. But something you said to me before I left has stuck with me.”

She bit down on her lip. “I said a lot of things.” She wasn’t even sure she remembered them. She’d been really pissed.

He smiled, his sad smile. “You asked me why I had made you care when I knew I was leaving.”

She nodded and the hurt from before whispered over her heart.

“You were right. I was planning on leaving. I didn’t know for sure if I would get the Paris gig, but I was hoping I would. And I think I just sort of thought you’d understand because it was about my career. I want to be a doctor. I want it more than anything.”

“If you’d told me—”

He held up his hand. “Let me finish, please. I think I didn’t tell you because that would have made me realize how my fantasy future—the one I dreamed I’d get—didn’t really match my … Della future. The one I was kind of hoping I’d get too. I knew that if I got the Paris gig there was a slight chance that I might get chosen for the International Training Academy … and I was.” His eyes sparkled with pride.

“Congratulations,” Della said.

He nodded. “After I graduate from Shadow Falls, I’ll be moving to France for a year to train under one doctor, then for the next four years I’ll be moving to Germany, Japan, and then Switzerland.”

He picked up his coffee. “So while it ticked me off that you sort of chose Chase over me, I—”

“But—”

He held up his hand and silenced her. “I finally realized that I sort of chose my career over you. Or I was going to if it happened.”

Nodding, but still needing something to do with her hands, she pulled her phone out and ran her finger around the case.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you,” Steve continued. “As crazy as this sounds, I still kind of love you. And I’m still kind of pissed about Chase, but…”

“I understand.” She looked up, trying to think of something to say that would make him feel better. “You just love your career more.”

He frowned again and she realized that might not have been the right thing to say. “And you love Chase more. And maybe even your career.”

She looked down at the cookie. “I don’t know … Chase and I … I don’t know if it’s love.” He’s already left me. “I mean, the bond just—”

“Stop,” he said. “And look at me,” he insisted.

When her gaze raised, he continued, “I don’t know what or how the blood transfusion affected you two. But Della, you had eyes for him when he first showed up. You were halfway in love with him before you got his blood.”

She didn’t deny it. “It’s still complicated. He deceived me and now…”

“And now he’s working for the FRU, helping you get your father off, and … and he loves you. He told me, Della. And he’s not going to give up on you.”

He already did.