Unraveled (Guzzi Duet Book 1)(49)

It scared her.

It calmed her.

Cara didn’t know what to do about those strange feelings, but she knew that she wasn’t ready to deal with them. Not yet, anyway.

If anything, she needed time away from the way Gian made her feel. Time to figure out what in the hell had happened that’d gotten her into this position with a man that she had no business being involved with. Time to breathe, before Gian called her and she stupidly went running for a feeling and a fuck.

Gian smiled as he crossed the café. Unlike her, he didn’t stop for something to eat or drink. Like usual whenever he was near her, she seemed to be the only damn thing on his mind or in his priorities. He dropped a quick kiss to the top of her head before taking the only other available seat at the small table.

“How do you walk around without any sort of umbrella?”

Gian shrugged. “You get used to it, really.”

“Seven years here. I’m not used to it yet.”

“Too wet for you?” he asked.

Cara scowled at the rain pattering against the café’s windows. “It’s like we go from snow to weeks of rain without any sort of warning or break.”

“The warning is the month of April, mon ange.”

Of course it was.

Canadians.

“Summer is right around the corner,” he said, the dimple in his cheek making a rare appearance as his smile widened. “It’ll go from wet to hot just as fast, as it always does.”

“Sure.”

Gian’s easy smile melted away fast, and he straightened a bit in the chair. “You don’t seem happy. It’s not the rain, is it?”

Cara looked out the window again, noting the bodyguard standing under a small ledge to keep from getting rained on. “Thanks for meeting up with me today.”

“I’ve been trying to meet up with you all week, Cara.”

“I know. I just … needed a break.”

“A break for what?”

Cara blew out a hard breath. “To think.”

“All right.”

“To breathe,” she added.

Gian’s lips flattened into a grim line, his face betraying nothing. Cara sometimes hated how easily he hid his emotions when he needed to, as though he didn’t want anyone to know his pain or irritation, or even his joy. She was sure it was a learned trait, born out of need because of his position—she knew her brother acted in a similar way—but that didn’t mean she understood it. Not entirely, anyway.

“I don’t have a lot of time today,” Gian said quietly, “and I have to head out for a meet across the city soon. Not that I mean to rush you, but I have to, unfortunately.”

Cara nodded. “That’s okay. I have another class soon, anyway.”

“Did your … break … help?”

“Honestly? Not really.”

Gian looked away. “I’m not sure what you’re trying to help to begin with, Cara.”

“This,” she said with a wave between them. “A couple of months ago, when we first started whatever the fuck this is, it wasn’t supposed to be anything, Gian. Fun, quick, dirty, and that was it. That’s all I wanted out of it, and here I am, confused again.”

“You’re confusing me,” he said under his breath.

“I didn’t want to become integrated in your life—not to the extent that I am. I didn’t want to be seen as a target for the people you do business with. I grew up living the sort of life you live, burying people I loved because of their affiliations and business. I was sure that you and I wouldn’t … I don’t know.”

“It’s impossible to live separate lives, Cara,” Gian pointed out. “I’m not two different men. I am the same man who carries a gun and acts as an underboss for my famiglia, and the man you demanded see no one else but you. The idea that I can constantly keep you from being integrated into all of that is ridiculous, and you should already know that.”

“Gian—”

“No, listen to me. That’s an idea you rationalized to justify your feelings and why you kept coming back for more. That was your fantasy to keep from worrying too much about what might happen or could happen to someone you give a fuck about.”

“I never once hid who I was to you,” Gian continued, his voice finally heating with anger. “I never once pretended to be anyone, except exactly who I am. It’s like Lea, right? It’s the same thing, in a way. You thought you both were good, safe away from your family and their business, but you never were, Cara. You can’t run forever, and you’re always a part of this thing being born to it. A child della mafia. This is who you are, and staying away didn’t keep Lea alive. So, what in the hell would make you think pretending that I am someone I’m not would keep reality from catching up to you again?”

Cara felt like he had slapped her.

Actually, a slap might have felt better.

“You didn’t need to bring my twin into this, Gian,” Cara murmured, her voice thick with pain.

“I only told you the truth.”

“You said it to hurt me.”

Gian shook his head, sadness coloring up his dark gaze. “You’re wrong. I never want to hurt you, Cara.”

It didn’t matter, she decided. Standing from the table, Cara picked up her bag and umbrella. She left her mostly-unfinished bagel and half-full coffee on the table. Gian didn’t stand to see her out like he usually would, instead staying firmly seated with his gaze stuck on the wall behind her.