Under Pressure (Body Armor #1)(75)

“I know Miles jokingly accused you, but—”

“It wasn’t a joke. I was totally obnoxious.”

Disbelieving, she said, “Yeah, right. When you were ten?”

Yes, he’d probably been a jerk back then too. “Not that long ago, really.” One stroke of his fingers and the bun tumbled down. He adored her hair, the soft shade of brown, the silky feel.

Cat waited, so he started to talk, all of it shaming him. “You’re partially right that I was a dick when I was a kid. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, and I resented that.”

“Why? What was it you missed?”

“I didn’t miss anything.”

She looked up at him. “Of course you did. If the budget was tight, there had to be things you wanted that you couldn’t have.”

Hell, he’d wanted everything—and gotten none of it. Talking about his childhood still made him uncomfortable, but maybe if he opened up more, she would too.

“Until I turned fifteen and got my own job, all I’d ever worn were hand-me-downs.”

She stared at him a moment, then ducked her face and went back to hugging him. “Hand-me-downs from who?”

Fuck. Trying to sound as if it didn’t matter, Leese said, “They were donated by the community.”

“Were they at least nice?”

Not always. “I don’t think it would’ve mattered.” But he knew it did. Wearing clothes that didn’t fit, with stains and tears, had made him stand out, and not in a good way. “I always wanted a dog.” There were times he’d beg, and while his dad wasn’t mean about it, the answer was always the same. “We couldn’t afford one though.”

“I always wanted a dog too! But when I lived in Webb’s house, he wasn’t keen about animal messes, as he put it. He’d tell me to get a horse, mostly because horses lived in stables.”

Leese smiled. “Can’t let a horse sleep at the foot of your bed.”

“No.” She tipped her head. “And that’s what I wanted. You?”

“Yeah.”

“Now,” she said, “I don’t know. I’m just not sure I’m home enough.”

“Same here. And you know, after I got that job and started getting paid, I didn’t want to spend it on a dog either. Not when there were other things I needed too.”

“Like clothes?”

“That, and I started saving for a car.” Memories made his chest tight. “I knew my folks were always broke, but it never occurred to me to see if they needed any financial help.”

“They had jobs?” she asked, without censure.

“Yeah. Dad worked in a factory, Mom at a convenience store.” He thought of the long hours they put in...without ever getting ahead. “They never seemed to want more and I couldn’t understand that.” Because he’d wanted everything. Possessions. A savings account.

Pride and respect.

“Hard jobs,” she said.

“Definitely.” His father now suffered joint problems from so many years on his feet. His mother looked a decade older than she was.

Now that he made good money, Leese tried to help them out when he could, but they usually refused his efforts. For them, having a roof over their heads and food on the table was more than enough. “Through the years, Dad got offered promotions. But it would have meant a different sector of the factory, working with new people, and he wasn’t interested.”

“He liked the familiar?”

“I guess.” For Leese, poverty could never be familiar. “He was happy with the little run-down house he rented, but I wanted a house of our own. He and Mom shared a rusted old sedan, and I wanted a decent running car that didn’t look like it belonged in the junkyard.”

Cat came up to her elbows, her gaze soft and serious and understanding. “You have a nice car now?”

“Yeah, and a house of my own.” With her looking at him, he traced her eyebrows, feathered a fingertip over her thick lashes, then along the narrow bridge of her nose. Finally he outlined the shape of her lips.

He loved each individual feature; together they made the most gorgeous woman.

“You resented their attitudes.”

“When I shouldn’t have.”

“Not true.” She brushed her nose against his. “People are individuals. They wanted one lifestyle, you wanted another. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“If you say so.”

She lightly kissed him, her teeth nibbling, her tongue teasing. When he started to deepen the kiss, she cupped his face and smiled down at him. “If you don’t mind me saying so, I think it’s unfair of parents to try to force a lifestyle on kids, especially if they’re uncomfortable with it.”

Was she thinking of her own conflicts? She hadn’t fit in with the status of her family, but unlike him, she hadn’t resented anyone. She’d just gone out and forged her own way.

Eventually Leese had done the same, but it had taken a close call to make him see things clearly.

Having Cat nose to nose with him, he couldn’t avoid her gaze. There was no way to hide from his discomfort, so he gave in and admitted, “Making a good appearance matters to me.”

One side of her mouth curled and she squirmed atop him. “You could just stay naked. I promise you, that would always be a good appearance.”