Unbreak My Heart (Rough Riders Legacy #1)(44)

“No, to help keep others from dying.”

“But you do that every day as an EMT.”

“It’s not the same. I can’t make a living as an EMT in rural Wyoming. I’m tired of being broke and there are a lot of things I’d like to do with my life that I can’t do if I’m stuck here.”

“Then go to college like normal people do.”

Boone scowled at me. “If I don’t have money for a car do you really think I’ve got money to go to college? Or that anyone will lend me the money?”

“Then we’ll ask my dad. He’ll float you a loan. Heck, he’d probably just give you the money since you saved my life.”

He pushed off the car. “I don’t want your money or your charity.”

“What? I’m only trying to help. You took that the wrong way.”

“Did I? What part of making it on my own is confusing to you? I have to do this. I want to do this.”

“So there’s no talking you out of it.”

Boone shook his head. “It’s a done deal.”

I wanted to scream at him, throw myself at his feet and beg him not to go, but that was the epitome of childish. Instead, I tossed off a breezy, “Fine. Whatever. Go be a hero. Get yourself killed. Later.” I sidestepped him and ducked around the front of the car, hoping to make it inside before my tears were obvious.

But he latched onto my upper arms and forced me to look at him. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.”

His gaze roamed over my face. “Then why are you crying?” he demanded softly.

“Because I hate that you’re doing this stupid thing. And I hate you.” The last word came out as a sob.

“No, baby, you don’t.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Sierra. Come here.”

“No! Don’t touch me.”

“You don’t mean that either.” Boone crushed me to his chest.

I fought him for a few seconds, swinging punches that didn’t land, yelling and thrashing, but he just held on. I gave up fighting the pull of him and clung to him as I cried.

How many times had I imagined Boone holding me, stroking my hair and murmuring sweet things to me? Hundreds.

But never like this.

My voice was muffled against his chest when I finally spoke. “When do you go?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

I squirmed away from him. “You’re just telling me now? When did you sign up?”

Boone looked away.

“Tell me.”

“Three days after your accident.”

All the air left my lungs. I forced my lips to form the word why.

“Because that night at Tyler’s party when I told him we were together? I wanted it to be real.”

“You think I would’ve shot you down?”

“No.” His eyes were locked on mine. “I know you would’ve said yes.”

My cheeks burned with mortification; he’d known how I felt all along.

“You understand my history. Since I was twelve years old I’ve been counting off the damn days until I can get the hell out of Wyoming. Last fall, the start of my senior year, I was taking the prep classes I needed and I was getting a year of practical experience as an EMT and moving on was finally within my grasp. And then you showed up.

“From the moment we met on the bus, you sucked me in. You were so gorgeous, feisty, funny and sweet—and so easy to talk to. I tried to stay away from you, but something about you, Sierra, just kept pulling me back.”

I stared at him, absolutely speechless.

“That night at the party I wanted to kill Tyler for thinking he had the right to put his hands on you. After the accident, I about lost my f*cking mind because you were hurt… That’s when I knew you could keep me here. If I got involved with you, like I wanted to, I wouldn’t leave. And I have to leave. I had to have a solid plan to go so I enlisted.”

“No.” I found my voice and said it louder. “No.” Then I was screaming at him. “No, no, no, no, no! You don’t get to do this to me, Boone. You don’t get to treat me like a friend, and then tell me you’ve always felt more for me…the night before you f*cking leave! You don’t get to make me feel guilty for you joining the army because I have some kind of magical hold over you. That’s total bullshit and it’s not fair!” God. This could not be happening.

“Not fair? You think this has been easy for me? Especially the last four months? When we’ve been together all the damn time because I couldn’t stay the hell away from you? And I had to act like it’s not f*cking killing me when you look at me like your world would be perfect if I just kissed you.”

Infuriated, I slapped my hands on his chest and shoved him. “The only thing you can kiss, Boone West, is my ass.” I spun around and considered kicking over his stupid bike as I skirted the back end of my car. Jerk. Asshole. Jerkoff. Asshat. He wanted to leave me? Fine. He could just go. I’d be better off.

Such a f*cking liar you are, Sierra.

“So that’s it?” Boone shouted. “That’s how you’re gonna say goodbye to me?”

I whipped a U-turn and marched back up to him. “How did you expect I’d say goodbye? Strip my clothes off and let you take my virginity in a field of wildflowers under a full moon? Screw that. I’m saving my virginity for someone who deserves it. And. That. Is. Not. You.” I punctuated each word with a poke on his hard chest.