Unbound (The Captive #7)(86)
“You watched this.”
Her eyes were defiant when they came back to his. “I couldn’t condone it then walk away and leave them to bear the burden of carrying it out. I would never do that to Xavier and Max.”
Despite her show of defiance, he sensed the sorrow within her. “We do what we must in war,” he told her.
“I’d do it again.”
He traced his finger over her lips before kissing where he’d touched. “What did you learn from the vampire?”
She told him everything they had learned, the amount of recruiting they’d been able to do, and the plan to move in on Sabine in the next couple of days. He’d always been proud of her, always admired her strength and determination, but as he listened to her now, he realized she truly had grown to become a queen. A leader who did what was necessary despite her anguish, her struggle to keep from going insane, and her reservations about certain things that had to be done in order to protect her people.
He, personally, would have done to the vampire the same things she revealed Xavier and Max had done to him in order to learn more. “I tried to warn the palace about Sabine. I can only hope someone received one of the messages we sent them,” she said.
“I’m sure someone did,” he replied. He gently grasped her chin. “I’ve never been prouder to call you my wife, never been happier to have you as my queen. You are my everything, Arianna.”
“Even with knowing what I allowed Xavier and Max to do?” she whispered.
“You are fierce, loyal, proud, and do what is necessary to protect those you love and our followers. You’re more than I ever could have hoped for in my life.”
She rested her hand against his cheek. “She had your head, Braith. Or at least I thought it was your head, and I’m sure those in the palace believed the same thing.”
“Someone else’s head, someone who looked like me.”
“When she lifted it…” Aria broke off when her voice hitched. “Until then, I’d been trying not to, but I’d secretly hoped you would come back to me. That somehow you would find a way. When she revealed the head, it all fell apart. I fell apart. It was worse than when I felt the severing of our bond.”
She rested her hand over her heart. “Then, I tried to tear my heart from my chest. When she held up what I thought was your head, I thought I would go insane. All I wanted was to die. Then all I wanted was to kill, and I didn’t care who I killed in order to make it all just stop, if only for a second. I wasn’t sure I could make it back from that madness or control myself. I didn’t know how to at first, but I knew the others still deserved happiness and peace and I had to get it for them. It’s the only thing that has kept me going since then.”
His fangs slid free at the image of her consumed by a suffering so extreme that all she wanted was to destroy herself by tearing her heart from her chest. “I know the disconnect you felt, the emptiness. I felt it too when I first woke to find you gone.”
“I had to go! I couldn’t stay in that cave no matter how much I didn’t want to leave you!”
He grasped her chin. “I know. I didn’t mean gone from there. I meant from inside of me. You were no longer within me. Our bond no longer existed. I would have destroyed everyone around me if Max hadn’t told me you were safe. I did destroy some of Sabine’s vampires in the forest when we came across them on our way here. What I did to them was something that should never have been done to another. I was out of control. I craved their blood and relished killing them. I didn’t think I’d ever come back from the bloodlust engulfing me while I tore them apart.”
Her head tilted back so she could gaze at him. He’d half expected to see fear or condemnation in her eyes, but he saw only love and understanding there. “And now what do you think?”
“Now, I can think again. The insanity has been eased, the emptiness filled with the renewal of our bloodlink. We will defeat Sabine, but I will be in control when it happens. I won’t be a monster again, not like that.”
“You’re not a monster.”
“Yes, I was with those vampires. If you hadn’t been here when we arrived, I have no idea what I would have done. I may have slaughtered everyone here before regaining control of myself, if I ever regained control of myself.”
“You think that now, but you would have kept control and not hurt them. You would have done what needed to be done to protect your loved ones and your followers.”
His fingers worked through the ends of her braid, unraveling it to spread her hair around them. The golden and blood-red strands in her deep-auburn hair shimmered in the dim light filtering around the edges of the door. “How can you have so much faith in me?”
“Because I know you and your heart.” She rested her palm over it and shuddered. “Even when it was pierced, you still protected and fought for everyone else, and me. You would have done the same for all of those in this place who need you.”
He wasn’t so sure she was right, but he would never argue with her unwavering confidence in him. Lowering his head, he kissed her chest over where her heart had once beat so strongly within her. “I much prefer your heart where it is,” he said against her skin and she actually chuckled.
“Tearing it out was all I could think to do when I felt you die, but William stopped me until I could regain control of myself.”