Unbeloved (Undeniable #4)(71)

Chapter Twenty-Three


“To Hawk!” Cox shouted, lifting a bottle of whiskey up into the air. “A brother through and through!”

In unison, all the boys standing around the clubhouse bar picked up their shot glasses and threw back their drinks.

“To Hawk!” they shouted back.

“To my dad!” Christopher chimed in from his seat beside Hawk. He raised his glass of soda in the air and the men around him cheered again. Seeing him, so young, praising his father alongside the boys . . .

Well, if it weren’t for Tegen standing beside me, for taking my hand into hers and giving me a hard squeeze, I would have lost it right then and there.

I had only one hour left. One hour left with him, and I was forced to spend it at the clubhouse sharing my last hour with everyone else. I understood that everybody wanted to say their good-byes, but after a night of making love, very little sleep, and a tear-filled morning, the club was the last place I wanted to be.

I wasn’t ready to let go.

I would never be ready to let go.

“Don’t drop the soap!” Tap called out, his lewd implication prompting a round of hearty laughter.

“And to Prez,” Cox continued when the laughter had died down. He turned to face Deuce. “For givin’ all us *s a f*ckin’ home!”

Standing just outside his office doors, Deuce was leaning back against the wall, his arms folded over his chest, watching them all with a solemn expression on his face.

“And to Foxy!” Cox’s gaze slid to where Eva was standing beside her husband, and his smile turned into his typical shit-eating grin. “For makin’ us *s a family!”

“And to Cox!” Kami shouted. “For giving us all something to laugh at!”

“And to Kami!” Cox shot back. “For spending all my damn money!”

“Good God,” I muttered, dropping Tegen’s hand and turning away from everyone. As happy as I was that Cox and Kami seemed to be back to their normal selves, I couldn’t take it, not one more second of it. Everyone acting like this was just another day, making stupid jokes, completely oblivious that Hawk was about to go to jail for crimes he didn’t commit. All because Deuce wouldn’t be swayed by the same cartel who put Hawk in this position in the first place.

“Mom!” Tegen called out as I stormed away from her. Picking up speed I ignored her, hurrying toward the hallway that would lead me to the back of the club and away from the uncaring, unfeeling ridiculousness happening all around me.

Thankfully I found Hawk’s bedroom door unlocked, and as I slammed it behind me I burst into tears.

The last month had been a whirlwind of emotions, overwhelming to say the least, and now it was all coming to a head—all the realizations, the regret, the tears, the unstoppable flood of feelings, and it was just too much. I couldn’t take it, couldn’t process all that had happened in such a short time. Even more, I couldn’t fathom how it had all gone by so quickly and was ending before it had really had a chance to even begin.

With tears streaming down my cheeks, I took a seat on the edge of Hawk’s neatly made bed, and through blurry eyes looked around the small room. The room where this had started all those years ago. Where two people had come together for reasons unknown to them at the time, but in the end . . .

I sighed. How could I be angry? Losing myself to anger at a time like this would only be selfish and serve no purpose.

Feeling calmer and more in control, I was wiping my cheeks when the door creaked open. Hawk limped slowly into the room on his crutches, and awkwardly used his elbow to shut the door behind him.

“They don’t mean any harm,” he said. “They’re only tryin’ to keep shit light for my sake.”

Pushing my hair away from my face, I sighed loudly. “I know. I just . . . I just . . . I can’t . . .”

Letting out another sigh, a frustrated one because I couldn’t put my feelings into words that I hadn’t already used a hundred times before, I pushed myself up off the bed and crossed the room. Slipping my arms around his waist, I leaned my head against his abdomen.

“It just hurts,” I managed to finish in a small voice. “Why does everything have to always hurt so bad?”

“Because life hurts.” He dropped his face onto the top of my head, burying his nose into my hair and inhaling deeply. “Hidin’ is f*ckin’ easy. It’s really livin’ that’s hard, that sometimes hurts like a son of a bitch.

“But, D,” he continued, slowly rubbing his nose back and forth across the top of my head. “We keep ridin’ that shit because it’s worth it, baby. When all is said and f*ckin’ done, when we ain’t got no more time left, we’re gonna be grateful for those rides.

“I’m grateful,” he finished softly. “For you, for Christopher, and for the club.”

I didn’t say anything; there was nothing left to say. These moments, they ended here and now, and tomorrow a new chapter in my life would begin. So I just held on to him, to this moment, breathing him in, committing his scent to memory, and reveling in the feel of his big, warm body surrounding mine.

I’d always both admired and envied Hawk’s strength. He was a man through and through.

But now it was my turn to be strong.

For him. For us. For our family.