Unbeloved (Undeniable #4)(63)
“Deuce,” he said, turning back to him and holding out his hand. “My name is Deuce, brother.”
Jase clasped the man’s hand and gave it a firm shake that ended with Deuce pulling him forward into a quick hug. He’d barely had enough time to feel surprised when he was suddenly being pushed away and Deuce was jerking his chin toward the door.
“There’s a f*ckin’ party goin’ on out there. Go say good-bye to the boys.”
Jase knew when he was being booted, but he also knew that Deuce, judging by the man’s expression, was only doing so because he needed a moment alone. Whatever was going on that had him hurting, Jase had only added to it.
“And Jase?”
Looking back at Deuce, he arched an eyebrow in question.
Deuce smiled grimly. “Some of the boys might not like what you’re doin’, leavin’ the club and all, but don’t pay ’em no mind. Ain’t nothin’ more important than family. Took me a long f*ckin’ time to figure that shit out.”
Closing his eyes, Jase took a deep breath. When he opened them, he gave Deuce a long, hard look, willing himself to be strong. Strong like Deuce always was.
“Thanks, brother.”
“Now go,” Deuce ordered, turning away from him. “Get to livin’ again.”
Jase’s muscles tensed and his jaw locked up tight. He wasn’t going to be a * now; he was going to walk out those doors, his head held high, proud of what he was finally getting around to doing. His f*cking emotions, goddamn them, were not going to get the better of him this time.
Wrapping his hand on the doorknob, Jase pulled open the door.
“Fucker!” Cage yelled, pointing as he stormed towards him. “What the f*ck did you do to my truck? You don’t f*ck around with another man’s truck!”
“Stop whinin’!” Ripper shouted from across the room. “Your truck ain’t shit!”
“Jase!” Cox pounded on the bar. “Get your ass over here. I got stories to tell and ain’t nobody listenin’!”
Grinning, Jase closed Deuce’s office door behind him and slowly headed out into the club.
For the last time.
Chapter Twenty
It was being touted as a party, but I knew what the reality of this impromptu get-together at the clubhouse really was. A good-bye party. Everyone had come—the boys, their wives or girlfriends, and all of their children. Even the nomads, the men who didn’t live in Miles City, had shown up.
Feeling pride in Hawk’s sacrifice, his true past all but forgotten, they’d all come to pay their respects, as well as say good-bye to one of their own.
As much as I appreciated their efforts, I didn’t feel much like a party, and so I stayed on the sidelines, avoiding everyone. I wanted nothing more than to be curled up in bed beside Hawk, running my hands over him, every inch of him, memorizing every plane and hollow of his body, the feel of every muscle and bone beneath his skin, every line on his face, every callus on his hands, every hair, both coarse and soft, upon his body.
I wanted to stare at his face, into his eyes, until it was all I could see, so much so that every time I would close my eyes from now until forever, it would be those fiercely handsome, dangerously dark features that would form in the blackness of my subconscious.
I wanted to keep him with me even when he couldn’t be with me himself.
But I wasn’t the only one who loved Hawk and wanted to spend much-needed time with him before he left us. He might have never been much of a talker, always more of doer than the others, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t formed bonds with them over the years.
I surveyed the room, my eyes dancing across the many faces until I found the one I sought. Hawk was seated on a bar stool, leaning heavily to his right with a crutch nestled under his arm, bearing most of his weight. His head was freshly shaven, his Mohawk gone, and all that remained of his beard was a couple of days’ worth of prickly growth.
But it wasn’t his handsome features that held my gaze. It was the strength behind them. The inner man.
I loved him for that strength. For being the devoted father he was, for never once giving up on me despite my reluctance. But mostly I loved him for loving me in the face of my many, many weaknesses.
Jase and I were never meant to be. Jase and I were one and the same, both weak minded, and weak willed. We’d both felt trapped, stuck in lives we’d never wanted, and because of that had come together during a dark and seemingly hopeless time in my life.
For a short time, he’d been what I’d truly wanted.
But never what I’d needed.
Hawk was the strong, sturdy, emotionally solid man I needed, and I could only hope that one day Jase would realize this truth as well and find a woman who provided him with the same sort of support and unconditional love.
My only solace in losing Hawk was the knowledge that I would never lose that love. He might not be able to physically be with me during the time he’d be gone, but he’d never leave me. And not even the thick concrete walls and steel bars of a prison could take that from me.
“I’d be willin’ to bet he’ll be in for ten years, max.”
The couch dipped as Deuce dropped down on the cushion beside me, startling me out of my thoughts.
“Five to seven with good behavior,” Deuce continued. “It’ll go by before you know it, and he’ll be home again.”