Unattainable (Undeniable, #3)(85)

“Tegen.” She drew out my name in a warning tone and I glanced up sheepishly. “Because I didn’t want you to know,” I admitted.

“That’s a problem,” she said softly. “Usually nine times out of ten when you don’t want your mother to know something, it’s something you shouldn’t be doing.”

My cheeks reddened. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me.”

“Oh God,” she said. “Tegen, no, I’m so proud of you, baby. For doing so well in school, for going to college, but most of all I’m so proud of you for getting out of here. The last thing I wanted for you was to end up like me.”

“There is nothing wrong with you,” I said, grabbing her hand and squeezing.

She squeezed back. “I’m alone, baby. The men I love are alone. I don’t want that for you; I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Which brings us to the second man in your life.”

“Fuck me,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. Cage. Damn him. I loved him so much. Too much. But for as much time as I’d put into daydreaming about Cage and me over the years, it had only taken a few short days and a tragedy for the reality of the situation to rear its ugly head. And the reality of Cage and me was so very different from the fantasy.

Not that it mattered anymore.

My mother smiled knowingly. “You love him, baby,” she said. “And that matters.”

“But it doesn’t,” I protested. “Deuce told me to stay away and…Cage never once tried to contact me.”

“That doesn’t prove anything. Have you tried to contact him?”

“You know I haven’t.”

“And yet you still love him.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

“Simply put,” she said softly. “You don’t want to spend the rest of your life not knowing.”

I closed my eyes, willing my quickly rising heart rate to slow.

“And, Tegen?”

I opened my eyes.

“You belong where you are loved.”

Releasing my hand, she turned away and buckled her seat belt. We drove the remaining hour to Miles City in silence and when we pulled up to the clubhouse gates, after Bucket had buzzed us in, after our short walk to the front door, and after I hesitantly stepped inside…

Eva spotted us first and came running. Kami and Danny weren’t far behind her. The three of them engulfed my mother and Christopher in a hug. Feeling awkward and uncomfortable, I stepped aside and allowed my mother her happy reunion. Doing a quick scan of the room, I felt both relieved and disappointed that Cage was nowhere to be found. What I did notice was Blue’s seat at the bar. Empty. Something stirred to life from deep down within me.

It was a sort of grief but at the same time it reared to life an odd sense of protectiveness for the others grieving him. I hardly remembered my life without Blue somewhere in the background, usually drinking or sleeping, and everyone else in this room undoubtedly felt the same. And now he was gone.

I felt that.

And if I felt that…

I looked around the room, at the men, their wives, and children.

I didn’t want anything to happen to any of these men. I’d grown up with them inside this club, spent more time with them than anyone else in this world. The thought of something happening to any one of them…to Mick and Tap and Dimebag…to Ripper and Hawk…even to Jase. The thought of something fateful and permanent occurring to any one of them…

Yeah, I hated that they cheated on their wives, that they were at the club more than they were home, that they cared more about riding then they did about making it to their kids’ soccer games. But hate them?

No. Not even close.

I guess you didn’t have to like what goes on inside the club to love the club.

And I guess I had Blue to thank for that revelation.

“What’s up, kid?”

I glanced up and found Mick smiling down at me. “Hey,” I said quietly, and tried to smile.

“Fuckin’ sucks that it took losin’ Blue to get you girls back home,” he continued. “But I’m glad you’re back just the same.”

Speechless, I swallowed hard.

“Speakin’ of bein’ back,” he said. “Prez wanted to know the minute you and D got in. I’m sure you already know he’s laid up and damn grumpy about it, so I’m under orders to take you straight to the hospital.”

My stomach dropped. “Why?” I whispered. Was he going to yell at me again? Kick me out of Miles City?

“Thinkin’ he wants to talk, Tegen. Apologize, too.”

My mouth fell open. “Apologize?” I repeated.

Mick grinned. “Fucker knows he did wrong. Heart attack nearly killed him; scared him somethin’ fierce too. He wants to make this shit between you and him right.”

“Shouldn’t he be resting?” I said, hedging, having absolutely no desire to be face-to-face with Deuce even if he was going to apologize.

Mick snorted. “That bastard is as ornery as ever.”

My nose wrinkled. Great. An ornery apologizer.

“Tegen?”

I glanced over and found Danny with her arms outstretched, smiling at me.

“Hey, moody hooker,” she said as she moved in for a hug.