Ultimate Courage (True Heroes #2)(55)
“Dating him seemed normal. I mean, he had his quirks. He demanded he pay for meals because he was insisting we go to restaurants outside of my budget, and since he was the one who’d been dying to try the place, it was only right for him to pay.” Elisa tucked her chin and bumped her forehead against her knees several times. “I was stupid to let him build up the leverage from the beginning.”
Souze lifted his head and nudged her wrist with his nose. She raised her head to look at the big dog and reached out to bury one hand in the thick fur around his shoulders.
Good boy. Distract her just enough to stop her from literally beating herself up over the memories.
“It was sneaky and gradual and cumulative. Every phase of our relationship became one where he provided for me, took care of me, and I felt so incredibly grateful to him for how much attention he showered on me.” Despite her hand on Souze, her other hand curled around her leg and the fingers were pressed in a tight grip. “When he proposed, it never occurred to me that I could say anything but yes. It was the right thing in everyone’s mind. His family, my family. And, of course, because we were engaged, I couldn’t work at Corbin Systems anymore. It wasn’t appropriate, a conflict of interest.”
She shook her head, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks. Rojas wanted to hold her and kiss every drop of pain away. The way she tortured herself for those past choices was painful to watch.
“The job pool had dried up all of a sudden. There weren’t any jobs within a reasonable commute. I gave up my career,” she whispered. “The plan was to keep looking for a new job, but things kept getting in the way. There was the wedding to plan and he wanted me to focus on it full time. And then there was our home to redecorate to accommodate us both. Then the wedding was postponed due to company obligations and to better fit the timing to invite key investors as wedding guests. The wedding became more of a corporate event. And every day leading up to it, he nudged and prodded me into becoming the perfect executive’s wife.”
It wouldn’t have taken long. She was intelligent and adaptive, responsive to feedback. All her ex would’ve had to do was present her with plausible reasoning for each change. There was a certain talent in making every argument sound like a reasonable idea.
“It happened a little at a time, and then suddenly I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself anymore.” She huffed out a laugh devoid of anything close to happiness. “I was texting him for permission to spend money on anything over five dollars. I was taking pictures of anything I intended to buy for myself and showing it to him for his approval before I bought it. My clothing style had changed, even my reading choices. All because I wanted to please him, wanted him to like every aspect of what I was for him. I was doing the work of his administrative assistant because I could do it faster and better than she could. It didn’t matter that I was overqualified and not paid at all. I was helping my fiancée. It didn’t even occur to me to make it a matter of pride.”
Of course not. She was a generous soul. It’d shone in the way she’d immediately jumped into helping Boom. There’d been no expectation there. Not from Elisa’s side. “The first time I questioned him, he just went silent.” There was a tremor in her voice. “He stared at me a long time, and just when I was about to apologize, he exploded right in my face. He screamed at me.”
Souze shifted his position, getting closer to her, if that was possible, and curving his body around her. The dog was reacting to her distress and protecting her from the remembered onslaught.
“After that, anything could set him off. It was like his tolerance had gone to nothing and everything I did was an unthinkable insult to him. He wouldn’t stop shouting, screaming, throwing things until the room around us was wrecked.” Elisa started rocking slightly back and forth in an unconscious effort to comfort herself, too.
Explained her flinching at sudden movement and abrupt noises.
“It was escalating.” All at once she stilled and looked down at Souze. Gently, she fondled the tips of the GSD’s ears. Her voice had gone utterly calm. “He was going to hit me eventually. Almost did, once or twice. And I realized I needed to leave or I’d never get my life back.”
Thank god she’d left before the man had actually laid hands on her. No one should have to live in a violent environment, but the emotional and mental damage could’ve gone from bad to exponentially worse. Souze sat up, snuffling his hair, and Elisa sat quietly petting him for a long minute or two. Rojas ached to hold her, comfort her.
“When I went to the police to report my concerns, they treated me like someone’s prize show dog loose from the kennel. I wasn’t a person. They wouldn’t even look me in the eye.” The bitterness was back in her voice, plus some heat.
Her anger was a relief to hear. Anything was better than the flat, monotone calm she’d spoken with before.
“It took forever to actually get any advice on how to get away on my own.” She adjusted her sitting position until her legs were crossed in front of her. Leaning forward, she touched her forehead with Souze’s. “It’s out there for women who need it, but the first thing it warns you about is the need to hide the fact you’re looking for it from the person you’re trying to leave. Joseph is really good at what he does. As a project manager, I figured I had decent tech savvy, but what he could do made me realize just how much I didn’t know about computers and the Internet.”