Twisted Together (Monsters in the Dark #3)(68)

His hand fisted in my hair, holding me still. “Do you remember me saying that—before everything that just happened? I told you I missed your fight—your spirit. Do you forgive me for making you believe? Do you forgive me for giving you substances against your will?”

His voice changed my heartbeat from slow and heavy to fast and light. “What do you want me to say? That I wasn’t terrified at swallowing something I didn’t know? Fine. I was. Petrified. I don’t know what you did to make me see Leather Jacket. I don’t know what happened between us while I was in some other dimension. I have no idea where we are. I don’t know why my entire body feels as if every touch is a tiny orgasm. I have no idea about anything.”

I stayed frozen, still held by Q’s fist. “But I don’t need to know. All I need is to trust you. And I do. Isn’t that enough?”

“No. It isn’t,” Q muttered, tugging on my hair. “You think you trust me—but I’m not so sure.” He bit the sensitive skin behind my ear. “I know what happened between us—I know what I almost did, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to step into the dark so soon.”

My anger—that had been missing for so long—sprang into being. “Don’t. You can’t.”

“Can’t what, esclave?”

“You can’t deny me. I’m finally giving you the opportunity to bring me into your world and now you’re chickening out.” I stomped my foot, the haze in my brain tinging everything with red. “Take me. I’m not asking; I’m demanding.”

He chuckled. “Is that a threat, Tess?”

His tone shot right through my heart, granting equal measures of hot and cold. Yes. Say yes. Push him. Force him. My * clenched, hungry for sex. “Yes, it’s a threat. It’s about time you punished me. I’ve been bad—I deserve everything you can give.”

His heat disappeared as he took a step away, spinning me to face him. My back slammed against the table as the towel fell from my body, puddling on the floor. “Punish you? Why the f*ck do I need to punish you?”

My chest fluttered, sucking in shallow breaths. The word ‘punish’ echoed in my brain.

Punish.

Punish.

I blinked. Didn’t he realize I knew he’d struggled with me hurting him? For weeks he’d shut down, dealing with whatever issues I’d put between us. I’d shut him out, made him doubt. I’d damaged him. “For that night,” I said, not needing to elaborate.

Q snarled. “You think I’m still hung up on that?” He gripped my hips, digging his fingers painfully. “You let me bring you back to life. I couldn’t be more f*cking grateful. And if you knew what I’d done only an hour ago, you’d know it’s not you who needs forgiveness.”

His voice softened, something dark filling his eyes. “I told you never to lie to me, but I lied to you.”

What? My heart lodged in my throat. I frantically searched his eyes. “Why? How?”

He shook his head slowly and with such finality all my pixie dust and lustful haze disappeared, leaving me a block of ice. “Q?”

Looking deep into his gaze, I shrank away at the bleak resolution reflecting there. “It wasn’t what I said—it was what I thought. All this time, I’ve been annoyed at you for not trusting me. And now you do trust me…but I’m not sure I trust you.” Sighing, he pressed the tip of his nose against mine. “I accept everything you’re giving me. I want to let go—not fully, as I don’t have the power to come completely undone—but enough to show you what I need. I want to hurt you. I want to make you cry—I want to punish you, Tess, but I don’t trust you’re doing it for the right reasons. I think you’re doing this entirely for me and not for us.”

Was that true? Am I giving him my pain, with no limitations, purely for his pleasure?

No, I didn’t believe that. I’d been so wary of everything Q had to offer up till now. I’d wanted it but skated around it at the same time. This time…I truly wanted to fling myself head first into his world. And his refusal frustrated the hell out of me.

With gentle fingers, I hooked them into his towel, fumbling to undo it. His eyes darkened as the damp fabric fell away from his hips, leaving him naked, crowding me against the table.

“No more thinking. Put our demons to rest right here, right now. Let me prove you can trust me. I’m done being scared, Q. I’m done being weak. I’m going to love everything you give me. I’m going to scream and come and cry. And then I’m going to fall in love with you even more and demand you marry me the moment the sun rises tomorrow.”

Q shuddered, looking as if he wanted to strike and consume all at once.

I froze, waiting to see if he would kiss me.

He didn’t.

“Do you know what hurt the most?” he muttered.

“No.” I worried he’d slipped into insecurity, talking himself out of whatever was about to happen.

“It was your willingness to hand over your sanity and happiness. And now you’re doing it again and it’s f*cking with my head—”

“I’m not doing it again. I really—”

He bared his teeth. “I haven’t finished. Don’t interrupt.”

I dropped my eyes, flushing with heat.