Twisted Together (Monsters in the Dark #3)(21)

Bill turned, acknowledging my request with a small wave before jumping back into the boat.

Tess flinched. “Why did you say that? We just got here.”

This wasn’t right. But I would make it right. I brushed a curl behind her ear. “C’est une erreur.” This is a mistake.

She took a hasty step back. “Excuse me?”

My heart stuttered at the pain in her voice. The insecurity in her eyes, the terror in her body only confirmed my decision. I wanted her happy and strong. I wanted her joyous and walking with no burdens or heavy shackles when I made her mine. So much darkness layered our lives, overshadowing us from too many corners.

If we got married like this it would stain our entire lifetime together. And I wouldn’t do it.

Not when I had the chance to fix it.

“I can’t marry you. Not like this.” I waved between us, indicating the distance, the ghosts separating us. “We haven’t resolved what we went through. We’ve shoved it away, hoping to forget, but we’ll never forget. What happened is a part of us, as much as we’d like to pretend otherwise.”

My face twisted with ferocity. “I want to pretend you were never taken and hurt. I want to imagine you were never drugged and made to take another’s life. And I want to forget the bone-crippling pain when I couldn’t find you and thought I’d lost you forever.”

Something shifted. The heaviness I’d been living with faded just a little as Tess met my eyes. “Q…”

The delicate agreement between us—the one that said we’d try to protect each other by not sharing—shredded. Gone was the need to pretend we were alright. Gone was the stupidity to act as if we were normal.

We weren’t normal. And we needed to address our past before it swallowed us whole. Sincerity and hope broke through the clouds like sunshine in a storm.

Tess whispered, “I want to be a carefree again. Someone slightly na?ve, a little gullible, and a lot in love. I want to believe in fantasies again, see the magic in the world, and not be terrified of shadows or going to sleep.”

My arms f*cking demanded to be wrapped around her. Finally. The truth. Just a little but it was more than before.

Then her eyes glossed with tears, and the storm swallowed us again. “But whatever we want, it isn’t going to happen overnight. It’ll take time.”

I growled low in my throat, wanting to tear apart every clock and watch. Time had kept me from finding her. Time meant jack-shit to me. I wanted her to be happy now. I wanted to marry her now.

Time was my f*cking enemy.

Tess mistook my silence as consideration. She continued, “What we lived through is part of our identity. We can never erase it. The only way to survive is by accepting—”

My hands balled. “I’m not accepting that this is our life.” Motioning between us, I hissed, “This…distance. These…lies. I want more than that, esclave. And I know you do, too.”

I looked toward the captain, glad he had his back to us and out of hearing distance. He would never understand the violence, the aggression, the all-consuming passion between us. He would never accept my overbearing temper or quick to flare anger.

But Tess did.

She understood me just like I understood her. I was hers just as much as she was mine.

My eyes drank in the island. I didn’t want to leave. I liked this slice of paradise. Nothing could touch me here. An oasis in thousands of gallons of seawater. It would be a good place for Tess to heal. But not yet. I had work to do before I could bring her back.

“We’re leaving. We can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?” The sun shone on her head, looking like melted gold on her shoulders.

“I’m not marrying you tomorrow, Tess.”

Her face went white; I swore her heart plummeted into her feet. She looked away, locking her jaw. I loved she was distraught at the thought of no longer marrying me.

In some f*cked-up way it gave me the assurance I needed. Time and secrets might wedge us apart but she’d sworn to love me and grow old by my side. That was enough for now.

Rejection wrapped around her, blanketing her in depression. “You’ve changed your mind?” she whispered. “I knew it was all too good to be true. After all, you deserve so much more.” Her voice trailed off.

How many f*cking times must I assure her?

“Every second you doubt my feelings for you, you kill another part of me,” I growled. “Did my letter mean nothing? Did seeing my raw thoughts on paper not help you realize I would do anything for you?”

My heart stuttered at the thought of her reading my innermost thoughts. The rambling mess I’d jotted down.

The salt-laced air whipped her hair, blowing a few strands around her neck. She searched my face. “Then what are you doing?”

“I’m going to marry you, esclave. That’s non-negotiable.”

Her chest rose and fell with relief. “Okay…when?”

My mind raced, putting a haphazard plan into effect. “I don’t know yet.” I gave her a reassuring smile. “But we both know we can’t get married like this.” I had no idea how I would fix it. If it was even fixable. I wouldn’t stop until I’d smashed through the clouds of madness we lived in. I didn’t tell her I doubted it was possible to heal entirely or eradicate what we’d done.