Twisted Perfection (Rosemary Beach #5)(65)

“I’ve been going crazy,” he murmured into my hair. “I couldn’t sleep I couldn’t eat. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry. I swear to you I’ll never forgive him. Ever.” He continued to hold me and promise me things. I slipped my arms around his middle and laid my head on his chest. He was here. That was all that mattered to me.

“I love you, Della. I can’t lose you. Just you Della. That’s all I need. Just you. We’re gonna find a life together. A new one. Our life. One we get to create.”

He was giving up his family and the club. Could I let him do that?

“I don’t want you to give up everything you worked for,” I said against his chest.

“I wasted my time. I can’t live a life where another man controls my every move. He hurt you Della. He scared you baby and I can’t forget that. I can’t ever get over it. He’s dead to me. That life is dead to me. I just need you.”

I wanted Woods.

I reached up and ran my hand through his hair and over the stubble on his face. “I missed you.”

“I’ve been in hell since I walked into that kitchen and they told me you were gone. Never again. I swear it.”

He needed to hear it all. He had come here ready to leave his life behind and start a new one with me. He needed to know what it was he was getting. I hadn’t been completely honest with him. He should know about my mother and how I found her. And know about my grandmother and the fact I could possibly have inherited crazy from my mother.

“You should hear everything first. About how my mom died. And the fact I could end up crazy too. I can’t let you make this decision without knowing everything there is to know about me. All those things I kept close and wouldn’t share I need to share with you now. Then you can decide if I’m worth it.”

Woods lowered his mouth to mine and brushed his lips over mine several times. “Baby, I’m so far gone you could tell me anything and I’d be okay with it. But if it makes you feel better then tell me. I want to know everything. I want you to be able to tell me everything and have faith that I’m not going anywhere.”

If I was going to make this work then I had to believe him. This was a part of me he needed to know. It was time I talked about it.

“There was a party. One that the kids at the high school were having. Braden had been planning for a week to sneak me there with her. I was going to be her cousin from Mississippi. She had it all figured out. I was excited. I’d never been around other people,” I closed my eyes tightly because I knew that telling him could very likely send me into an attack. I wanted to be strong enough to tell this story, at least to Woods.

“Take your time,” Woods said, holding me close to him.

“I was nervous. Mom had caught me sneaking in a lot over the past few months. Each time it ended badly. Most of the time she would spank me with a leather belt. It terrified her for me to leave. And she’d been talking to my brother more. Saying he missed her and wanted her to come to him. That scared me. I knew the only way she could go to him would be to… die.” I stopped a moment and took a deep breath.

“We snuck out that night without a problem. I went to my first party. I was introduced to my first encounter with sex. Not me but another couple. They were going at it in the bathroom when I went to find a toilet to use. I’d been mesmerized. They had been clinging to each other so tightly and I’d wanted that. I wanted to be that close to someone. Sex and the idea of it intrigued me after that.” That was the easy part to remember. It had been the one bright spot in the evening. I hated thinking about this last part.

“We had headed back home late. It was around three in the morning. I’d been on a happy high. Some guy had kissed me and I had loved it. This had been real. I had lived…. But then we got home. Braden never went inside with me. She always waited outside until I was safely indoors. Lights were on all over the house. We could see the one in my bedroom from the front yard. That was our first sign that something was wrong.

My mother normally stood in the dark waiting on me with a belt when she caught me outside the house.” I felt my body tremble. My breathing was getting tighter and more difficult. I wasn’t going to let my terror win. I was going to beat this. I gathered all the strength I could and looked up at Woods.

“Braden didn’t leave when I opened the door. She followed me inside the front door and stood there. We both knew. The silence was so telling. I didn’t get far. The house was small and I walked from the living room into the hallway. The blood… her blood.” I took a deep breath. “It was seeping out onto the carpet from the bathroom door. I saw it and I knew. It was only a few steps but it felt like a mile from that spot in the hallway to the bathroom door. She was lying there so still on the tile floor. Both her wrists were slit and in the pool of blood around her was a razor. I lost myself in that moment. I began to scream and hold her hand. I was trying to bring her back. But the truth was she’d wanted to go to my brother and... she had.”

Woods pressed me up against his chest and held me tightly. “Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m so damn sorry.”

I wasn’t finished. I wanted to be but I wasn’t. I’d made it this far and I had to keep going. “Braden heard my screams and she came in there to me. I looked up at her and I told her my momma was gone. That’s when I checked out. I don’t remember he calling nine-one-one or the paramedics arriving. I was lost in a world where my mother was alive and I couldn’t reach her. Finally when I came around Braden was beside me, cleaning me. Wiping the blood from my hands. Then she’d changed me into clean clothes and stood holding my hand while I answered questions. There were so many questions. Braden had refused to leave my side. When it was over I’d moved next door to live with her and her parents the next couple of years. She was determined I would live with them. I could tell they were worried about it. She had kept me a secret from them all those years and they were scared of me. I didn’t blame them. They never warmed up to me. I can see it in their eyes. They’re waiting on me to crack. Sometimes I understand them because I’m doing the same thing. Waiting…”