Twisted Perfection (Rosemary Beach #5)(45)

I was going to be sick. My stomach was wound so tightly in knots I couldn’t move. She was screaming, at night. The frozen terror I’d seen her in that night at the party had been scary enough. She’d clung to me desperately. I had worried that she might deal with that alone. I hadn’t known she had bad dreams. My chest hurt and my eyes burned. I hated this. I hated knowing she was tormented by something. I wanted to fix this. Fix everything for her.

I turned and headed for the door. I was going to find her. We were going to talk about this. I’d be there the next time she woke up screaming. Tripp might not be able to comfort her but I sure as hell would. I’d make this go away. I had to. I wasn’t sure I could live with her hurting like this.

“Where are you going?” Tripp asked.

“To find her,” I replied.

“You really think that’s the way to handle this? Do you not know her at all? Scare her and she’ll run. You need to stop and think about this. If you want to help her then good. I’m glad. She needs someone. She doesn’t want me and honestly, I don’t know if I could handle this. I’ve got my own demons. But she does want you. She held that hoodie so tightly, last night when she woke up and buried her face in it like she was trying to smell you that I was worried. I couldn’t imagine you cared enough about her to deal with this craziness. She’s smoking hot. I figured that was what you were in this for. But if you care about her enough to stay even though she has issues and it isn’t easy. Then good. I’m relieved.”

I looked back at him. “I’ll be whatever she needs me to be. I can’t walk away from her; I tried. I’m hooked. And now I’m about to lose my mind because I don’t know how to help her. I just need to go find her and hold her the rest of the damn day. I need to know she’s okay.”

Tripp walked over toward me. “I don’t know if she’s ready for you to know. I don’t think she trusts you to want her when you find out she’s got problems. Major emotional problems. You need to ease into this. Don’t go telling her you know and expect her to handle it. She’ll be furious with me for telling you and terrified of getting hurt when you run. So, she’ll beat you to it. She’ll run like hell. It’s how she deals.”

I hated this. He was right but I hated it. “What do I do?” I asked him needing someone to tell me. I couldn’t lose her.

“I’ll call you tonight when she goes to sleep. Come on over and sleep on the couch. When she starts the screaming you’ll be there. She’ll see that you aren’t scared and you can use that to prove to her you’re not running.”

Okay. I could do that. I could wait until tonight. But I was still going to find her now. If only to hold her. I wouldn’t tell her why. I just needed to make sure she was okay for my sanity.

***

Tripp opened the door and stepped back to let me in. I’d been sitting in the parking lot when he’d called two minutes ago to tell me she was asleep. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for this screaming to start up and I didn’t want Tripp to be the one holding her when she woke up this time. Never again.

“Were you already here?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t you just bring her home from work two hours ago?”

“Yeah.”

Tripp chuckled and shook his head. “Did you even leave?”

“No.”

He looked amused. “There’s a pillow and a blanket on the couch. I’m going to bed. It’s late and I need some sleep. Last night was rough.”

I didn’t have to ask him why. I knew what he meant by rough and it drove me mad to think about the fact I hadn’t been here. That she’d been suffering and I had no idea.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“Don’t thank me. You’ve not been through this yet. You may hate me when it’s over.” He had no idea what he was saying. I had held her when she’d completely checked out and froze at the party. I’d seen the blank look in her eyes and it’d scared me but I hadn’t wanted to run then either. I had wanted to protect her. This only made that instinct she brought out in me worse.

I lay down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to fall asleep. Not knowing that at any time now she was going to be suffering. My chest was so tight from the idea of it I kept having to take deep breaths to ease the pressure.

What had happened to her to cause this? My mind went back to that first day I saw her. She’d been so damn sexy yet adorable trying to figure out how to pump her gas. I’d thought she was just some carefree fun distraction. I hadn’t been prepared for the way she tasted though. And the smell. God, she smelled so damn good. I had gone a little crazy that night. Every time I brought her to an orgasm I’d needed to do it again. I kept thinking about the fact that this was it, that one night and then she’d be gone. So I’d wanted more. I had never eaten that much * in one night in my life. But I hadn’t been able to get enough of her. Then she’d finally fallen asleep from exhaustion and I’d forced myself to leave her there.

I closed my eyes as the pain sliced through me. Had she woken up screaming that night too? And alone? Had I f*cked her and left her to deal with her pain? I couldn’t lay here. I sat up and buried my head in my hands. From the beginning I’d made mistakes with her. I’d assumed the wrong things. Not one time had she looked weak and breakable until that night at the club when she’d had that panic attack and completely shut down. It had been the first glimpse at what she kept so well hidden.