Trust(30)

Flames leapt and John lit the blunt, then held it my way. “Go hard, Edie.”

“Shut it.” My smile wavered from nerves.

Carefully, he handed it over, smiling back at me. Without too much hesitation, I put it to my lips and drew back slowly, taking it deep into my lungs, before letting it out. A puff of smoke floated out of my mouth and my eyes stung a little. Then I tried unsuccessfully to cough up a lung.

“You all right?” he asked.

Nodding, I coughed some more into my hand and passed the joint back. “Absolutely. I’m a rebel.”

“You’re badass. I’m actually a little afraid of you.”

“Thanks.”

“You’ve got to puff a bit gently,” he said. “Weed burns hotter than tobacco.”

We passed it back and forth, relaxing against the car, staring up at the stars. My body unraveled, all of my earthly worries and weight falling away. So my thighs were thick and my belly bulged. So what. I was alive and allowed to take up space.

“Fuck being unhappy,” I said.

“Fuck being unhappy?” John repeated, giving me a curious look.

“Yes. Absolutely.”

The side of his mouth curved upward, his gaze lingering on me. From my face to my chest and back again. In all likelihood, the boy was inwardly laughing at how red my eyes were or something. I crossed my arms over my breasts, feeling self-conscious.

A breeze blew in off the lake, cooler than before. He’d been spot-on about the benefits of sitting on top of a warm engine, and who knew muscles cars could be so comfortable?

“You don’t look like a drug dealer,” I said quietly.

“Probably a good thing. For the business, I mean. It’s a hassle if the cops know straight away you’re dealing.”

“True.” I crossed my feet at the ankles. “Think you’ll start up again?”

“No, I’m done with that.” He pushed his hair back from his face, saying nothing for a minute. “Dillon started the business; I kind of inherited part of it when he left high school. But the heavier stuff he moved on to selling, it wasn’t good.”

Mouth shut, I listened.

“You were right about the Drop Stop changing things. Part of me felt like looking at Chris was maybe like looking at what Dillon will be like before long. And then looking at Dillon made me wonder what I might be like before long.” Again, he breathed the joint in deep, letting the smoke out slowly. “So yeah. I told Dillon I was finished and moved in with my uncle.”

“You don’t live with your parents?” One of the girls had mentioned as much. Still, weird.

“Dad got a job up north,” was all he said.

I nodded. It seemed like some response was required.

“Anyway, dealing pot’s got no future. Need to figure something else out.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I said, studying the shadows on his face. The girls had wondered over his sudden interest in attending school and getting an education. Guess this answered why.

We didn’t speak for a while, each busy in our own head. Funny, the lurking signs of adulthood showed in him more clearly. His height and build, the depth of his voice, and the knowledge in his eyes. He turned back to staring at the night sky. Despite the draw of him, I did likewise. It wouldn’t do to get any stupid ideas, no matter how high I flew.

Midnight came and went, my curfew broken for the first time ever. With Mom at work, it wasn’t like it much mattered. Still, the good girl would have been scared stiff of somehow getting busted. Her fears were small, stupid things. Nothing that actually mattered.

“It’s such a beautiful night. Nature and stuff is great. This is my favorite thing, watching the moon and stars.” I took my turn with the joint, not coughing quite so much this time. Talking to John came easier every moment. I don’t know if it was our recent history, the jump, or the dope. But it felt good, letting the words flow with him listening. I happy sighed. “Along with books, they’re my favorite. And cake and coffee and music and . . . movies and shopping. You’re allowed as many favorites as you need.”

“Right.”

“Your turn.”

“Hmm.” He took his go doing the illegal drug thing. “Skateboarding.”

“Yep.” I waited. “And?”

He frowned as he thought. Apparently he had fewer words to let flow. “Shooting hoops with Anders.”

Thus he had his body and I had my body, and never the two shall meet. Sad but true. “Things besides sports?”

“Movies are okay. Action, horror, stuff like that.”

“Yes, agreed. What else?”

Quiet descended while he thought. Bugs, night birds, and the breeze shaking the trees took over. Finally, he gave a long sigh. “Honestly, I spent most of my time selling weed.”

And hooking up with cheerleaders, I silently added, because jealous bitch, etcetera. “You need a new non-illegal hobby.”

“Yeah.” His eyes narrowed on the heavens. “Bet that clerk from the tech college had plans. There were hundreds of people at his funeral. I saw his girlfriend; she was devastated.”

“You went to the funeral?”

He nodded. “Seemed like the right thing to do.”

“I was taking it easy with cracked ribs and stuff.” I frowned, unsure I’d have had the courage to go even if I’d been able.