Truly, Madly, Whiskey(55)
“My biggest dream is this. I’ve worked so hard to have a normal life, and I know that seems simplistic. But being here with you, like this? It’s so big to me.”
They lay in silence, listening to the sounds of nature. It was nice, not overthinking or being entertained. Just being there with Bear felt wonderful.
“Your name,” he said softly. “Do you have a preference for what I call you?”
Her nerves prickled. She didn’t want to get into a discussion about her past, but she liked that he was asking. “My real first name is Christine, but the only name that fits now is Crystal.” She turned onto her side, and he did the same. “But what I like most is when you call me whatever you feel. Sugar, baby cakes, your girl.”
“I thought you weren’t into ownership.”
“I’m not. But you’re not an * who treats me like a possession. If you were, I wouldn’t be here with you.”
He touched his lips to hers. “That’s because I adore you, and if I turn into an *, I’m sure you will shut me down.”
She ran her fingers over his whiskers, smiling at his response. “I’ve told you so much about myself. I got the impression you didn’t want to talk about your nickname, or the scars, but I’d like to hear the story. If you’d rather not, I understand.”
His face went serious. “Babe, the only reason I didn’t want to talk about it was that I wanted to be close to you. Not because I didn’t want to tell you about it.” He pulled off his shirt and rolled onto his stomach, resting his cheek on his forearms.
Between his shoulder blades were long, swooping scars. Some were slick and paler than his skin, others puckered and dark. Three looked more prominent, wider and angrier than the others.
“You can touch them,” he said, watching her.
She ran her fingers along the length of each one, silently counting as she went. Five. “It must have hurt a lot.”
“I was too pumped up on adrenaline to notice the pain. We’d gone on a camping trip with a few of the families from the club. I went to take a piss away from the campsite, and when I came upon two bear cubs, I knew I was in trouble. The hair on the back of my neck stood up before I heard the mama bear growling, and as I turned, her claws came down on my back, knocking me to my knees. I remember shouting, but have no idea what I yelled. I fought with everything I had. Bullet had boxed from the time he was eight, and he was always on my ass about being tough. That’s why he used to do shit to me like toss me in the lake. He was toughening me up. Anyway, he’d made it his job to teach us all how to fight. Even as a kid Bullet was giant. There was no arguing with him. So I learned to box and to street fight, which meant enduring him as my opponent.”
He laughed a little, as if he were remembering those boxing matches. “I clocked that bear in the snout, which stunned her for a few seconds, giving me enough time to get to my feet. And long enough for Bullet to plow through the forest like a bat out of hell and put himself between me and the bear. The whole thing happened in seconds, and someone was watching out for us, because that bear roared again, then ambled off with its cubs.”
She flattened her hand over the scars. “Your heart is going crazy.”
“Adrenaline. It’s like I’m right back there facing that beast. Man, Bullet didn’t hesitate to put himself between us. I owe him my life.”
“You’re both so brave.” She lay beside him again, and he pulled her close.
“I think you take the cake on bravery,” he said gently. “I guess we both know a little about survival.”
She lay in his arms, listening to the sounds of the lake and the leaves brushing in the breeze. Lying together, talking and sharing pieces of themselves felt like a whole new level of intimacy. She was surprised by how much time she’d wasted worrying about it.
“Do you ever wish you’d gone to the police?” he finally asked.
She closed her eyes. She’d sensed that he’d been stewing about what she’d gone through, but she’d hoped he wouldn’t bring it up again.
“Not really, but I sometimes regret that I wasn’t strong enough to stay in school, to have been in control enough to complete my degree. And paying back a portion of the Pell Grant sucked. But, you know, with time comes perspective,” she admitted. “Sometimes I look back and I’m surprised I got out of the trailer park at all, and other times I somehow always knew I would. Do you ever regret not going away to college?”
“I’m not sure ‘regret’ is the right word. But do I wish I could have learned more? Sure. Who wouldn’t? By the way, this week is going to suck. I’ve got a club meeting tomorrow night, and I’m helping Tru paint Tuesday night. I thought I could see you after, but he wants to paint the playroom as well as the rec room. I think he’s nervous about the house being ready for the wedding. And Wednesday and Thursday I have to bartend until two in the morning.” The muscles around his jaw tensed.
“It won’t suck, and I’m glad you’re helping Tru and Gemma. That gives me time to work on the costumes.” And time to miss you.
“Can I see you Friday night? We can go on a walk down by the water, grab some dinner.”
“I think I can manage that.”
He ran his hand along her thigh. “How did you get so far under my skin that the thought of not seeing you for a night feels like my heart’s being ripped out?”