Truly, Madly, Whiskey(22)

She was watching him with a vacant look in her eyes, as if she were seeing memories unfold before her. “My mother and father used to drink occasionally, and for the life of me, I don’t remember them being heavy drinkers. But losing him changed everything. My mother became hateful, drinking herself into a stupor night after night. I thought it was just her way of coping and that it would pass, but it didn’t. And Jed started coming and going at odd hours, checking on me in passing. I think that’s when he started stealing. So I focused on school, determined, even at frigging nine years old, not to lose myself in my mother’s downward spiral. To control the one aspect of my life I could control. I spent hours in the library, like it was my second home. I have to admit, it was better than being home, so I sort of hid out there.”

His heart ached for her. It sounded as though she’d never been given a chance to grieve.

He framed Crystal’s face in his hands, wishing for the impossible. “I’m sorry, baby. I wish I could have been there for you.”

“There were no dragon-slaying knights in my life. I took my senior English class over the summer and graduated high school a year early. My counselor helped me get a Pell Grant, and I went away to school. Not far, just to Lakeshore State, but it was far enough that no one knew me. And I reinvented myself.” Lakeshore State was a small college about two hours from Peaceful Harbor.

Her strength and courage blew him away. “Crystal, you didn’t need a knight. You kicked ass all on your own.”

“I thought I did, but…” She looked away, but not before he saw tears fill her eyes.

His gut plummeted. “Missing your dad?”

“No,” she said, swiping at her tears. “Yes. Always. But that’s not it.”

He moved her legs beneath his and pulled her closer, brushing away the tears sliding down her cheeks. “What is it, baby?”

“Part of reinventing myself was learning to fit in. I didn’t want to be defined by my past. I wanted people to see me as just another girl who went to college because it was what most kids did after high school. The first couple years of school were great. I kept my head down, studied my ass off, and maintained top grades. I’ve always been good in school, and I made friends easily back then. I even had a few boyfriends, but I wasn’t a partier. Truthfully, I was also trying to do well in school for my dad. He was always proud of my grades.”

“He loved you.” Thank God, because it sounded like his love had pulled her through an awful situation.

“He did.” That earned a genuine smile. “But in my third year I lifted my eyes from the books and looked around.” The edges of her mouth turned down, taking the pit of his stomach with them. “There was this whole world going on around me with parties and road trips and things I hadn’t allowed myself to enjoy. I was afraid to drink because of my mom and because of what had happened to my dad.”

“Which explains why you never have more than a drink or two when we get together with Tru and Gemma by the bonfire or hang out at the bar.”

“Yeah. I’m careful. Anyway, one night a friend convinced me to go to this party. There was no alcohol there because it was in the art building to honor some kids who had qualified for a national award or something. But you know, it was college, so kids had alcohol in their soda cans and water bottles, and kids came from other parties where there was alcohol.”

She looked away again, and the air grew thick around her. Bear touched her face, bringing her troubled eyes back to his.

“Sweetheart, take a deep breath with me.” He breathed in and out slowly, and she did the same. “That’s it. It’s okay. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m afraid to tell you.” Her voice trembled.

He ground his teeth together, sensing the darkness to come. “There is nothing I haven’t seen, dealt with, or helped someone overcome through the club and bartending. We might not be an official couple—yet—but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a relationship. We’ve had months of close friendship. I care about you, and I haven’t been with a woman since the first week I met you. I’d say that’s a damn strong foundation, and I don’t think you’d be sitting here with me right now if you didn’t trust me.”

“I do trust you,” she said quickly. “Wait. Is that true? About you not being with any other woman since the first week we met?”

“Yes, of course. I might joke around a lot, but I don’t lie. At least not to the people I care about, and definitely not to you. I haven’t been with another woman and I got tested to make sure I was clean.” He smiled. “Just in case. I’m all in, Crystal, and have been for a long time.”

She looked at him as if she were weighing his honesty by the scent of the air. “Wow. I didn’t expect to hear that.”

“I didn’t expect to say it, but it’s true, and you need to know it.”

“That’s…thank you. I do trust you. It’s just scary. I haven’t told this to anyone. Not even Gemma.”

That knowledge stopped him cold. They were as close as sisters.

“But I want to tell you.”

He took her hand and pressed a kiss to it, holding on tight—for both of their sakes. “I’m here, and I’m listening.”