Truly Madly Guilty(111)

‘There is no medal,’ hissed Clementine.

‘Well, why did Grandma say there was?’

‘She didn’t!’ said Sam.

Erika’s mother giggled deliciously.

‘The debt of gratitude we owe Erika and Oliver is of such magnitude,’ said Pam, ‘that I cannot even begin to …’

‘Could I trouble you to pass the water, Martin?’ said Sylvia in a loud whisper to Clementine’s father.

Pam stopped and watched her husband half-stand and awkwardly place the jug of water next to Sylvia while avoiding any eye contact whatsoever.

‘Sorry, Pam,’ said Sylvia. ‘Carry on. Lovely earrings by the way.’

Pam put her hand confusedly to one ear. She wore the plain gold studs she always wore. ‘Thank you, Sylvia. Where was I?’

‘The debt of gratitude,’ said Sylvia helpfully as she poured herself a glass of water.

Oliver tipped back his head and studied the ceiling as if for inspiration or salvation.

‘Yes, ah, the debt of gratitude,’ said Pam.

Ruby, who had been sitting on a cushion on the chair next to Clementine, suddenly put down her spoon with a purposeful air and slid onto the floor.

‘Where are you going?’ whispered Clementine.

Ruby put her hand to the side of her mouth. ‘Going to sit on Grandpa’s lap.’

‘I wanted to sit on Grandpa’s lap,’ huffed Holly. ‘I was actually just about to go and sit on Grandpa’s lap.’

‘There is a quote,’ said Pam. (There always was.) She swept her hands wide, palms facing the ceiling. She liked to deliver her quotes with this particular statesman-like gesture. ‘Friends are the family we chose for ourselves.’

‘Indeed,’ said Sylvia. ‘So true.’

‘I’m not sure who said it,’ admitted Pam. She liked to attribute her quotes. ‘I meant to check.’

‘Don’t worry, Pam, we can always look it up later,’ said Clementine’s dad.

‘Oliver could check right now!’ offered Sylvia. ‘Oliver! Where’s your phone? He’s so quick. Tippity-tippity-tap and he has the answer!’

‘Mum,’ said Erika.

‘What?’ said Sylvia.

‘Friends are the family we chose for ourselves,’ repeated Pam. ‘And I’m just so glad that Clementine and Erika chose to be friends.’ She glanced at Clementine and then hurriedly looked away. ‘Erika. Oliver. Your amazing actions that day saved our darling Ruby’s life. We can obviously never truly repay you. The debt of gratitude we –’

‘I think we already covered the debt of gratitude,’ said Sylvia. ‘Didn’t we? Anyway, from what I hear, the debt is set to be cleared –’

‘Sylvia,’ said Oliver.

Sylvia gave Clementine a roguish look. She leaned close and whispered, so that Oliver and Erika couldn’t hear, ‘You and Oliver, hey?’

Clementine frowned. She didn’t get it.

‘Making a baby together!’ clarified Sylvia. Her eyes sparkled maliciously. Clementine saw that Erika’s jaw was set in the manner of someone enduring a painful but necessary medical procedure.

‘Erika and Oliver. We love you. We thank you. We salute you.’ Pam lifted her glass. ‘To Erika and Oliver.’

There was a scramble as everyone found wine or water glasses and raised them too.

‘Cheers!’ cried Holly. She tried to clink her lemonade glass against Clementine’s wineglass. ‘Cheers, Mummy!’

‘Yes, cheers. Be careful, Holly,’ said Clementine. She could see that Holly was on the cusp of crazy. These days you could never tell what she was going to do next, and right now she was drunk on too much lemonade.

‘Cheers, Daddy!’ said Holly. Sam didn’t register her. He still had his wineglass lifted, but his eyes were on Ruby sitting on Martin’s lap, whispering something to Whisk.

‘I said, cheers, Daddy,’ said Holly angrily, and she got up on her knees on her chair, and slammed her water glass so hard against her father’s wineglass that it shattered in his hand.

‘Jesus!’ Sam leaped up from his seat as if he’d been shot. He turned on Holly and yelled, ‘That was naughty! You are a very naughty, very bad girl!’

Holly cowered. ‘Sorry, Daddy. It was an accident.’

‘It was a stupid accident!’ he roared.

‘Okay, that’s enough,’ said Clementine.

‘Oh dearie me,’ said Pam.

Sam stood. There was blood on his hand. For a moment the only sound was the perpetual patter of rain.

‘Do you want me to take a look at that cut?’ offered Sylvia.

‘No,’ said Sam rudely. He sucked the side of his hand. He breathed heavily. ‘I need to get some air.’ He left the room. That was all Sam did these days: leave the room.

‘Well! There’s a little drama to spice things up,’ said Sylvia.

Oliver stood and began collecting the pieces of glass in the palm of his hand.

‘Come and sit here with me, Holly,’ said Erika, pushing back her chair and patting her legs, and to Clementine’s surprise, Holly slid off her chair and ran to her.

‘I had told you to be careful, Holly,’ said Clementine, and she knew her sharp rebuke was only because she’d been expecting the comfort of Holly’s body against hers. She wanted Holly to sit on her lap, not Erika’s, and that was childish. All her emotions had become tiny and twisted. She really should cancel her audition. She was too emotionally stunted to ever be a good musician. She imagined her bow screeching and scraping across the strings as if she’d suddenly become a beginner: squeaky unpleasant notes to match her squeaky, unpleasant emotions.