Troubles and Treats (Chocolate Lovers #3)(72)

It takes a few minutes, but pretty soon the class is really getting into the question and having fun shouting out their suggestions. Jenny and I turn to face each other while the class is laughing and yelling.

Some of my dick skin is stuck to a sucker under the table, the people in the emergency room call us by our first names, we’ve been banned from all major appliance stores and local farms, and yet, I wouldn’t change the way our life has turned out for all the hookers and coke in the world.

“You have GOT to be kidding me?!”

We break our eye contact and turn to face the door of the classroom, our looks of surprise and confusion mirroring those of the two couples who are hovering in the doorway.

“Dude, you guys are the teachers?!” Carter asks with a smile as he pulls Claire into the room. “This is going to be fun!”

The rest of the class has quieted down and is watching our exchange with interest.

“This is going to be a horror show, that’s what this is going to be,” Liz says as she and Jim follow Carter and Claire down the aisle and find their seats. “Tell me you aren’t going to be using yourselves as visual aids.”

Jenny reaches down to the table and lifts up a pair of tongs and a bottle of honey.

“Nope, we’ve got plenty of visual aids,” she tells her with a smile.

“Drew, get the laser pointer off of my boobs,” Claire says in irritation.

Jenny turns her head and sees me standing next to her playing with the pen laser light I picked up at the gas station on the way here.

“Well, Claire, technically this is part of tonight’s lesson. Erroneous Zones and how they can make sex hotter,” Jenny explains as she takes the pointer out of my hand and sets it back on the table.

“Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that Drew and Jenny are teachers?” we hear Jim ask the rest of our friends.

“If they were teaching children, yes. But let’s be honest here. This is the absolute best subject for them to teach,” Liz answers with a smile in our direction.

“Just tell me we aren’t going to be watching any of your home movies,” Claire begs.

“I don’t know. I’d kind of like to see those,” Carter says with a shrug.

“Oh, we’ve already seen their home movie. It’s a finalist over at Youporn’s 'Home Movie of the Year Awards',” one of the guys on the opposite side of the room says. “We Googled you when we signed up for the class. Using the pumpkin and the ice cream scoop was genius, by the way.”

My smile is bigger than ever after hearing those words.

“Honey, you can Google us!” I tell Jenny, leaning in to kiss the top of her head.

“Alright, fine. We Googled you too,” Liz admits.

“Yeah, so did we,” Claire adds.

“And aside from having to see Drew’s hairy ass, it was pretty hot,” Jim states.

“It was disturbing-hot and I felt a little dirty after watching it, and I’m not sure I can ever look you guys in the eye ever again, but yeah, pretty hot,” Carter admits.

“Alright, let’s bring this class to order!” Jenny shouts excitedly. “First, we’re going to discuss items that should never be placed in a vagina unless you are wearing safety goggles and have a pair of needle nose pliers on hand.”

I wrap my arm around Jenny’s shoulders as she begins the first part of the lesson, holding up items one at a time from the table and giving explanations on where they can be safely inserted without the use of medical assistance or antibiotics.

While she talks, I glance over at our friends that had decided to sign up for our class even though they didn’t know we were teaching it. No matter how perfect you think someone else’s marriage is, this just goes to show you we can all use a little spark and a little fun in the bedroom to make life more interesting. I couldn’t be happier that our best friends are here with us tonight. It just makes me realize how great my life really is.

Veronica and Billy are happy and healthy, and our best friends are the greatest people ever. I’m beyond glad we’ve remained friends and raised families with each other. Oh, and I can’t forget our new best friend, Jackson, that we brought into the circle of trust. My fears of him trying to steal my wife are long gone ever since the day he brought his significant other over to our house for dinner. Dave is two years older than him and lives one street over from us. My only worry now is that Jackson and Dave might want me to have a threesome. I’d be honored and shit because, come on, I’m f*cking hot as balls and of course they’d want me, but any more than one penis in a bed is too many, and I would have to sadly decline. Luckily, they haven’t asked yet, so I don’t have to worry about the awkwardness.

I had never thought that night seven years ago when Carter and I went to our new friend Jim’s house for dinner I would meet my soul mate over a plate of lasagna and a discussion on vibrators. Jenny and I…well, I never had a doubt we were meant to be together. She’s my best friend and the best mother and wife there is. No marriage is perfect, but ours is damn near close. And even though we’ve had some troubles, fixing them has been sweeter than any candy I’ve ever eaten.

Well, except for Vagina Skittles. Vagina Skittles are delicious.





Epilogue


Six months later.