Tremble (Denazen #3)(83)

“Okay?”

“Dez, I killed people. I killed them for Denazen.” He bowed his head, ashamed. “That is something I swore I’d never do again.”

“You can’t blame yourself for that. Denazen killed those people, not you.”

“And what about the things I did to you? Was it Denazen, too? I… Kiernan—”

“Yes,” I replied quickly.

He looked like he wanted to argue, but he simply sighed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine. “I love you, Dez. Please tell me you know that.”

A lot had happened. Denazen, Kiernan—Kale and I would always have mountains popping up to stand in our way. But if anything, this last one proved to me that no matter what happened, we could weather anything.

“I know that, Kale. I promise you, I know.”





34


Things were starting to feel normal again—whatever that meant. I moved back into my own room two days later and, that morning, found a note taped to my door from Alex asking me to meet him at noon at the picnic table outside the cabin. Everyone I’d asked refused to talk to me about his condition, saying only that he was fine and had asked to speak to me himself.

It was the first time since the day at Zendean that I’d been outside, and the chilly January air bit at my skin—but it was wonderful. I’d missed New Year’s Eve—and Kale’s first New Year’s kiss—but I was determined to spend the next few weeks making up for it.

“How’re you feeling?” Alex sat down beside me. I hadn’t even heard him come up.

I wiggled my fingers and smiled. “I’m good. I got your note.” I gestured to the bench. “Obviously.”

“I wanted to come see you right away, but they told me to let you rest. Said you got shot.”

“Surreal, right? But I guess now I can call myself a true badass. Wasn’t that what we said? It takes a bullet?”

He shifted uncomfortably.

“Oh, come on. You have to remember. That night at Memorial Park? We had this conversation about—”

He looked up from the table, head shaking slowly from side to side. “No. I don’t remember.” Sighing, he tapped the wood twice, then turned so he sat sideways, facing me. “Most of my memories are gone.”

“But they’ll come back.”

“No. They won’t. That Ginger chick is pretty sure they’re gone for good, and I can’t explain it… I think she’s right. I remember my first name and that I’m a Six—a telekinetic. I know that everyone here is important to me. My family…but that’s about it. Everything else is just gone.”

“I… No. That can’t be—”

He took my hands in his and smiled. “Don’t sweat it. I’m alive. From what I understand, there was a girl with me who wasn’t so lucky.”

This had happened because he’d helped me. Alex and I, even with our intense history, were just bad for each other. It wasn’t intentional, but somehow we just kept hurting the other. It was like there was a force field around both of us that turned our intentions to poison. Nothing we did in regards to the other ever turned out right. “Lu. Lu was killed. Ben attacked me. You came in. You saved me… I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Don’t be.” Sighing, he leaned his head back and blew out. “I’m not sure why, but I get this feeling that I had a lot of unresolved issues. Things I couldn’t get past.” He tapped the side of his head again. “I think a lot of them had to do with you. Whatever they were, they’re not a problem anymore.”

I swallowed, fighting against the lump in my throat. “That’s true.”

“I think I have to look at this as an opportunity. A gift, ya know? This is my chance to start over with a clean slate. That Dax guy said I was kind of a dick.”

A small giggle escaped my lips. “You, um, had your moments.”

“I don’t really remember much, but I get this heavy feeling when I look at you. He said we were friends, but it was more than that, wasn’t it?”

“It was,” I admitted. “At one time.”

He nodded, justified, and stood. I noticed there was a backpack on the floor at his feet. “Anyway, I wanted to stop and say good-bye.”

“Good-bye?”

“I’m a new man—literally. I want to help with this whole Denazen thing, but I think I need to figure out who I am first. Yanno, find myself?”

Alex had a wide array of faults—faults I took great pleasure in pointing out every chance I got—but he had genuinely loved me. I loved him, too, but Kale had my heart and soul, and that would never change. Even the loss of his memory couldn’t kill what we had together. This was a way for Alex to finally be free. Even though I wanted to stop him, to keep him close and safe, I knew in my heart this was best for him. It was time to really let go.

“I think that’s a good plan.”

He turned and started away, stopping a few feet from the path. With a wink over his shoulder, he said, “Who knows? Maybe I’ll find myself a great girl. Someone like you.”

I sat there until he disappeared from sight, then stood, wincing as I turned the wrong way and wrenched my arm. I didn’t mind, though. The pain was a relief. Brandt and his friend were working on the cure and insisted it’d be ready in less than a month. In the meantime, I worried about the little signs creeping up and increasing.