Tremble (Denazen #3)(66)

“You’re incredibly brave.”

If I was so brave, then why was I so close to telling him to turn the car around?

“I’m going to need you to trust me. Completely. You understand I need to make this look real, correct? That means treating Roz—”

“Kiernan,” I said between clenched teeth. I knew exactly what he was talking about, and of all the horrors that waited for me inside Denazen, that was the one I might have the most trouble swallowing. Kiernan and him. Together.

“Roz,” he insisted, shaking his head. “There can’t be any slipups. She’s Roz to me. Always has been.”

Even though I wanted to argue, he had a point.

“Dez, before we go in, I need to tell you something.”

I turned toward the window and squeezed both eyes closed for a second. My chest felt tight. I had a pretty good idea about where this was going, and if it were possible, I would have jumped from the car and run as far—and as fast—as my legs would carry me. I knew the conversation was coming, but I didn’t want to do it now. Not here. Not after everything that had just happened. “Please. Don’t—”

“I need you to understand how it was. They made me believe I loved her. I didn’t feel it—I never felt it—but I was lost. Floating. I needed something to anchor me.”

“So you slept with her,” I finished for him. He wasn’t going to come out and say it, and I’d never been a bush beater.

“Once. But it’s not like you think. When I woke up I was angry—furious—and I didn’t know why. I couldn’t remember anything. That rage was all I had. I clung to it and it started to tear me apart. She was there with me and I felt like I was drowning. We started to argue, and…”

“So the fact that you had angry sex with my sister is supposed to make me feel better about it?”

“No—”

“Why are you even telling me? And seriously, doing it now? Not the smartest thing you’ve ever done.” I’d suspected after I’d seen him kiss Kiernan at the party. Her comment to me before Kale came in—he’s a screamer—made sense now, and even though the whole thing felt like a bomb had gone off inside my chest, could I really blame Kale? Logic told me no.

My heart said yes.

“The last thing I want is to hurt you. I’m telling you,” he said slowly, and with the smallest hint of anger, “because I have to make it appear like nothing’s changed. We’re going to appear…close, and I don’t want you to think—”

“That you like it?”

He growled. “Do you always do that? Cut me off when I’m trying to talk?”

I shrugged.

“I don’t want you to think it means anything.” He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. “That it ever meant anything. I didn’t know myself then, and I may not be fully aware at the moment, but my memories are starting to return. I know what I want. And what I don’t.”

“So you’re apologizing in case you have to do it again?”

His face grew pale. “Of course not. I—I know it doesn’t make sense considering all that’s happened, but I would never—”

“Never what?”

It were almost as though he was in physical pain. He rubbed his face, then balled both fists tightly and slammed his head back against the rest. “Step out,” he blurted finally. “Now that I’m with you again, I would never step out on you.”

“We should go,” I whispered as the tears came. He didn’t understand what he’d just said but I did. “Before I chicken out.”

He nodded and started the engine. The ride was fast, which was probably a good thing. The more time I had to think about this, the more monumentally stupid our plan sounded. Kale called someone—I didn’t know who—and told him or her we’d arrive at the back door shortly.

“Wait. They ordered me terminated. How did you explain bringing me in alive?”

He hesitated. “When I called earlier, I told them I was sure you’d break under pressure and reveal the location of the Underground. Marshal seemed pleased…”

I tried not to let his words alarm me. Break under pressure. Yeah. That sent waves of happy rolling through my system.

Just before we pulled into a large parking lot, he said, “You’re supposed to be unconscious. Is there any chance you can mimic a bruise? To make it look like I hit you?”

I leaned over and closed my eyes. “This conversation is bordering on surreal. Just FYI.” I concentrated on the memory of the bruise he’d given Alex when they’d fought in September. Across the right side of his face. “How’s that?” I asked without opening my eyes.

A warm, feathery-light touch trailed down the left side of my face, and Kale sighed. “Disturbingly perfect.” The car listed to the left, then stopped. “Remember. You’re unconscious.”

A moment later, I heard the door open. “She’s still out.”

“You hit her?” an annoyingly familiar voice breathed as Kale’s door closed. They were faint, but his footsteps could be heard as he walked around the car, then a second later I felt the chilly air hit my skin as my door opened.

A pair of strong arms caught me before I tumbled from the seat, then slid beneath my legs and neck and hefted up. “She wasn’t going to come willingly.”