Traveler (Traveler #1)(62)

I say his name and he jumps back. I’ve scared him. He immediately starts crying, and according to Finn, he’s doing it loudly.

My mother comes tearing down the stairs, giving Finn a startled glance before wrapping her arms around Danny and rocking him back and forth to calm him. She signs over his shoulder at me.

What are you doing? Who is this?

I can tell from the way she’s gesturing that she’s angry.

This is Finn. I know him from a project through school.

You need to clear out! You know how Danny is around strangers.

I nod, pulling Finn along as we make our way through the house and out into the front yard.

He’s nonverbal, I explain. It must be so hard for him. He’s a lot more disabled here.

What project at school? Finn signs. In case she asks?

I attend an online school. Sometimes, we do group projects and have meetups. If she asks, say it’s science.

An online school? Over the computer? Not a classroom?

I nod. Is that where you learned sign language? School?

My mother was deaf. She taught me.

He pauses a moment, and his eyes show a flash of pain.

They killed her, along with my little brother. She didn’t hear them coming. I was gone, looking for food.

I’m sorry, I sign. I don’t know what else to say.

It was a long time ago, he signs back. As if that makes it better, somehow. Not as horrifying, somehow.

I slide my arms around him and hug him tight.

He slides his arms around me in return, and I can feel the solid strength of his heartbeat against my hand on his chest. It’s snowing and the falling flakes land on his hair and stick to his eyelashes, and he’s looking down at me and his eyes are shining.

And then I suddenly remember that I’ve got a boyfriend in this reality.

I’ve got a boyfriend named Ben.





35

The Getaway

I feel my phone vibrate, and the smile hits my lips before I can stop it. My hand reaches for the phone out of habit, and I feel warmth spread through me as I read the text message.



We’ve been here six days. Six days of trying to adjust to a world of strange feelings and an entirely different lifestyle.

Finn glances over at my phone as I stare at it.

You need to answer him, he signs.

I know, I sign back. Just give me a minute. I set the phone down on the couch next to me, and then I sigh and pick it up again.

This is so hard. Ben is texting me a few times a day, and I’m yearning to see him. The minute I feel my phone vibrate, I light up like a Christmas tree—until I remember that this isn’t me. Not really. I can’t play this part, even if I feel like I know the lines. So I’ve told him I have mononucleosis and he can’t see me in person for a few weeks because I’m contagious. It’s the best I can do to preserve their relationship and keep it from playing havoc with me and my feelings.

I look down at the phone again, and I’m simultaneously wishing he’d leave me alone and really happy to know he misses me. My mind and my heart feel like they’re being tumble-dried.



I laugh at his suggestion, my face wreathed in smiles until I glance up and catch the look on Finn’s face. It hits me right in the chest like a ten-pound weight.

Sorry, I sign. It’s rough. Having her memories.

His face softens. I know, he signs.

I turn my attention back to my phone, reining in the nearly unrelenting urge to take Ben up on his offer.



I look up from my phone again, feeling a weird mix of guilt and happiness. This time, Finn is making an effort to concentrate on the TV, I guess to give me some privacy. I still feel like he can read every emotion running through me, though. I’d better end this conversation.



This week has been such an emotional roller coaster. In addition to adjusting to a world without sound, I’m having a really hard time living in my house.

My mother is rarely around. She’s got a good corporate job in this reality—one that pays for this lavish house and a team of therapists and aides who cycle in and out of Danny’s day, but her job keeps her working late almost every night, and by the time she gets home, she just wants to have a glass of wine and go to bed.

My dad in this reality is a complete nonentity. He walked out on us when I was three, and we haven’t seen him since. This is unlike any version of my father that I could ever imagine.

Danny is surrounded by caretakers most of the time. I haven’t been able to really interact with him much, and I get the feeling that like my Danny, he knows I’m an imposter. He just can’t verbalize it, and he’s keeping his distance because of it.

All in all, I feel like I’m not interacting much with my own family. The final cherry on top of this is that I’m warring with my own feelings on a daily basis. Finn and I are growing closer, and I know he feels it just as much as I do. He understands exactly what I’m going through in a way that Ben could never comprehend.

But this Jessa has been dating Ben for nearly a year. They met at her Mugsy’s, and she taught him sign language. They’re nearly inseparable, and they are in love.

They’re really, honestly in love. She loves him—I love him—and the memory of it is so strong, it’s wreaking havoc with my insides because I also want to spend more time with Finn, but I have to be discreet because I don’t want to blow anything for my counterpart.