Today's Promises (Promises #2)(10)

But it seems she can when—a couple of days following my nightmare—I show up for an appointment at the local free clinic. The plan is to finally start on birth control. But it may be a moot point when the repercussions of the violence Allison inflicted on me rears its ugly head.

I’ve been thinking all this time that Flynn and I have just been lucky. I mean, we have sex all the time, right? And I’ve not yet become pregnant.

And now I know why.

I am informed, during the routine exam, that I have severe scarring in my uterus, scarring that was never there before, scarring that may render me infertile for the rest of my life.

I am numb.

I’m still given a contraception shot on the slim chance the doctor could be wrong.

But I know she’s not.

I leave the clinic in a daze, devastated by the possibility that not only has Allison taken away my baby, but now, thanks to her brutality, I may never call myself a mother.

I’m scheduled to work that evening in the sandwich shop, but as soon as I get back I request the night off. Flynn had that stupid interview in Forsaken today, and when I wander upstairs I’m sick to find he’s still not home.

“Oh, great,” I mutter to myself in the lonely silence of our bedroom. “I can see how relying on the bus to get to and from work is going to make for some long-ass days for everyone.”

Flynn finally arrives home when it’s well after seven.

By that time, I am miserable.

With the news of today so fresh, and Mandy’s update the other night still in my head, I can’t think of anything other than the horrible things that have happened over at the Lowry’s place.

Flynn finds me curled up in our bed, with my face wet from all the crying jags that keep coming in waves. I tell him everything, and he holds me close as I sob into his flannel shirt. When I’m finally spent, I collapse against his firm chest, my reserves depleted.

But while my own tears have ebbed, Flynn’s have just begun.

Twisting to peer up at him, just as he tries to disguise a sob as a cough, I say, “You should find someone else. You deserve to be with a girl who can give you children someday.”

He hastily wipes away teary evidence of his sorrow, but his gray eyes remain sad, even as he declares, “Jaynie, don’t be ridiculous. It’s you I love, not what you can or can’t give me. And if it ends up just me and you for the rest of our lives, I accept that. In fact, I’d count a long life with you as a gift.”

I shake my head, all set to start anew at convincing him of my sound reasoning. But Flynn silences me with an index finger to my lips. “Hey, no more talk of me finding another girl. I love you…and only you. It will always be you, Jaynie-bird.”

Will it be, though? What if Flynn changes his mind in five years? Well, if that happens, so be it. Until that day comes, I will stand by him.

In a strangled tone racked with sorrow, I whisper, “I love you so much, Flynn. I’m just—I’m just…so damn sorry.”

“Aw, Jaynie…”

We hold each other close for a long, long time.

Eventually, though, we move on to talk of his interview. It’s not that our sorrow has passed. It’s just that we have no choice but to accept our fate and move forward.

Clearing my throat, I say to Flynn, “Hey, you never told me what happened at your interview this afternoon. Did you get the job?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I sure did. They seemed really happy to have me.”

“Of course they’d be happy. You’re a good, reliable employee.” I take a breath, blow it out. “So… When do you start?

“Tomorrow,” he replies.

I sit up. “What kind of construction project will you be working on?” I ask, truly curious.

Still resting his head on the pillow we were sharing, Flynn peers up at me. “I’ll be working on the first phase of some new apartment complex,” he says.

Forsaken is a rundown dump, so to say I’m surprised is an understatement.

“A new apartment complex is being built in that town?” I scoff. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Nope, it’s all true,” he says. “But they’re being built over on the outskirts of town. Never fear, Jaynie-dear. Forsaken remains the shithole it’s always been.”

“No surprise there,” I murmur, rolling my eyes.

Flynn sits up next to me. When he leans over me to reach for a pack of gum over on the nightstand—a pack I just now notice—my eyes widen. That gum definitely wasn’t there earlier. He must’ve bought it today, before or after his interview.

That worries me. Flynn only chews gum when he’s staving off a craving for a cigarette. See, he started smoking again when he was stuck in Forsaken. But since we’ve reunited, he hasn’t smoked once.

Suspicious of what else went on today in that freaking town, I carefully ask, “What’s with the gum?”

Leaning back and peeling the foil from a stick of chalky green, he says, “I bought the gum this afternoon.” His eyes meet mine, and he comes clean. “It was either chew gum or smoke a cigarette, Jaynie.”

“Wait.” I twist to face him. “I thought you said the interview was a breeze.”

“It was. It’s just that being back there… Well, you know how it is. Being in the thick of things, close to all the shit that happened, it just kind of stirs it all up inside you, you know?”